I haven't posted since last August and so much has changed! We now have another little girl who looks almost exactly like Ladybug in my sidebar ;) Seriously, twins born 2 years apart!
I sometimes think about blogging. I think it would be great to document our journey and special to look back on it, but...time. Not my strong suit. Time management is something I struggle in!
SO, to update:
Little Girl is 5 now and getting ready to start part time Kindergarten in a couple weeks. We are going to do some homeschool in the afternoons. We are using My Father's World Kindergarten curriculum. Mr. Man is tagging along as he sees fit. We do this during the 2 little girls naps.
Mr. Man is 3 and going to go to preschool 3 days a week at the same school as his big sister. On his mornings off (2 days a week), we are going to do some before Five in a Row which I am so excited about! Ladybug will be tagging along as she sees fit.
Ladybug is 2 and we will doing Tot School while the biggies are in school. We are using a combination of Letter of the Week Preparatory Curriculum and this new website I found called Let's Tot School. I used Letter of the Week with Autumn. The emphasis isn't actually on letters (misleading title!), but it has a weekly theme and I use the theme to find fine motor activities and fun books. It really is a lot of fun! Between LOTW and the Tot School website, it will be about 30 or 45 minutes a day of "mommy and me time"...I think. We haven't started yet so we'll see.
Then we have a new little miss! Maybe Little Miss should be her nickname on here :) She is 10 weeks old and a sweet, snuggly thing. She will be just held a lot and kissed a lot and hopefully will be awake during some of our read aloud time.
I sure do love my little family. It's stressful at times and my house is pretty much always messy, but I try not to let that get me down. It's a season. Before I can blink, I will have big kids doing all my household cleaning anyway, right?! My husband will be deploying soon and I can't really let myself think about that or I cry. But ready or not, it's happening soon. Even so, I am blessed to be his wife and so blessed to be a mama.
Showing posts with label About. Show all posts
Showing posts with label About. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
That Fickle Feeling of Failure
We all struggle with it, don't we? With our spouses, our children, our friends, our church, our pets, our families, our health, and so many more areas. When I say we "all" struggle with it, that is, of course, an assumption. I know I struggle with it all the time and I tend to think I am pretty normal, but it's not something that normally comes up in conversation.
I hate that feeling. That feeling that you have "ruined" something for someone else or for yourself. Like, for example, I wanted to make Caleb's birth extra special since his daddy wasn't here. I wanted to take pictures of him with his daddy's dog tags or sitting in an army boot (although I'm pretty sure he was too chubby to do this one!) or and laying in camo or something. I wanted to mesh his birth with his daddy being in Afghanistan somehow. And you know what? I totally, absolutely did not do that. Nothing! And, now he is almost 6 months old, that precious newborn stage is GONE and I've failed. I can never go back and do that. And, if feels bad.
I beat myself up all the time over things like that. "I don't write my husband enough emails" "I'm not patient enough with my 2 year old" "I never pay attention to the dogs" "I should volunteer more" "I am so unhealthy...I should eat more veggies" and so on and so on!
Why do we beat ourselves up like that?
For me, I have this imaginary perfect day/attitude/relationship and if something doesn't match up with my perfect ideal, then I feel like I've FAILED. And, of course, it's always my fault! But, I don't think that's right. I don't think that failure is the correct word. I don't know what the correct word would be, however.
I wonder where I learned to view life this way?? What part of my journey has taught me that if I'm not perfect, I must be an awful wife, mother, friend, etc.? The thing is I'm not perfect and I have no doubts about that. My house is never spotless and my hair is almost always a mess and I bite my nails and I don't exercise. I am not in denial about those things and actually I accept most of them about myself...but still, I have this idea of "perfection". I guess it's my own personal Meg-version of perfection. Some kind of world where it's ok not to mop your floors, but not ok to miss out on the perfect picture opportunity!?
Well. I'm just rambling now so I'll stop. I'll just say that this is an area I am seriously going to start dealing with, thinking about, and try to start giving myself some GRACE. Lovely glorious grace.
I hate that feeling. That feeling that you have "ruined" something for someone else or for yourself. Like, for example, I wanted to make Caleb's birth extra special since his daddy wasn't here. I wanted to take pictures of him with his daddy's dog tags or sitting in an army boot (although I'm pretty sure he was too chubby to do this one!) or and laying in camo or something. I wanted to mesh his birth with his daddy being in Afghanistan somehow. And you know what? I totally, absolutely did not do that. Nothing! And, now he is almost 6 months old, that precious newborn stage is GONE and I've failed. I can never go back and do that. And, if feels bad.
I beat myself up all the time over things like that. "I don't write my husband enough emails" "I'm not patient enough with my 2 year old" "I never pay attention to the dogs" "I should volunteer more" "I am so unhealthy...I should eat more veggies" and so on and so on!
Why do we beat ourselves up like that?
For me, I have this imaginary perfect day/attitude/relationship and if something doesn't match up with my perfect ideal, then I feel like I've FAILED. And, of course, it's always my fault! But, I don't think that's right. I don't think that failure is the correct word. I don't know what the correct word would be, however.
I wonder where I learned to view life this way?? What part of my journey has taught me that if I'm not perfect, I must be an awful wife, mother, friend, etc.? The thing is I'm not perfect and I have no doubts about that. My house is never spotless and my hair is almost always a mess and I bite my nails and I don't exercise. I am not in denial about those things and actually I accept most of them about myself...but still, I have this idea of "perfection". I guess it's my own personal Meg-version of perfection. Some kind of world where it's ok not to mop your floors, but not ok to miss out on the perfect picture opportunity!?
Well. I'm just rambling now so I'll stop. I'll just say that this is an area I am seriously going to start dealing with, thinking about, and try to start giving myself some GRACE. Lovely glorious grace.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
But it doesn't look like a Meg life!
It's funny where you find yourself sometimes in life. Not funny so much as confusing. Well, I don't know the word exactly. I'm sure everyone feels this way sometimes. Like..."What on earth am I doing in this life"? "Is this really my life"? "Why is this my life"? "God, I don't understand". I look at my life from the outside and it doesn't look like a Meg life (as I thought it would or should). It doesn't look or feel like a life that I wanted or requested or sought after or desired. I don't mean for it to sound like I'm complaining. My life hasn't been easy lately, but it's not been awful or anything either. I don't mean to complain as much as I mean to wonder, "How in the world did I end up here and why"? It's kind of like I just don't get it. How did I, who moved out after high-school and never came back, become a 30-year-old living with my parents? How did I, someone who loved loved loved to work, become a full-time stay at home mom (who is considering home-schooling to boot!)? How did I, someone who never thought about taking pride in my country, become a US soldier's wife? I thought I would end up single living in a remote village somewhere working with children or women. That's what I wanted. I mean, that's what I thought I wanted. I never really wanted or prayed for a husband until I met mine! I never thought I wanted a lot of children and now I want to have my own and adopt. And now I'm here in Tennessee away from my husband getting ready to have my second baby living in my parents suburban home. I look back over the last 4 years and wonder how on earth did I get here?? I wonder, "God, when you gave me this life, did you realize You were giving it to me, Meg"? "Are you sure I can do this and be happy and content and a solid Believer to boot"? My thoughts are all jumbled now and I'm a bit confused, but I want to again reiterate I am not complaining. I love my husband and my babies more than I have ever loved anything or anyone and wouldn't trade them for anything. I am so happy and grateful and blessed that God saw fit to change my plan and give me the love of my life and 2 wonderful babies that I have the priviledge to stay at home and raise full-time. I don't actually have doubts that God made a mistake. I firmly believe that His hand has been in every step of my life and I am exactly where He wants me for now. And I also know that we don't always understand God's ways, but I do trust Him and I will (hopefully) always choose his choices for my life over my own. Because like I am always so ready to proclaim, He knows better than us what we need and if left to my own devices, I would royally screw up my life. I'll just say I am looking forward to the day (even if that day doesn't come until Heaven) when it all clicks and I see the big picture and why there is this "odd" season in my life. Or at least why things turned out so differently than I once thought they would. Which I'm happy about, I just think it's weird how I had such different ideas about what God wanted out of me. Ok, I'm going to stop because like I said, my thoughts are all jumbled and I am probably confusing you :)
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
I should have been born Amish
Yesterday morning me and Baby Girl took a walk and my breath was literally taken away as we rounded the corner to a display of God's Glory. The German countrysde is beautiful. I think we stood there staring at the fields with the sun rising and the mountains in the background for at least 10 minutes. I just could not get over it. It looked like a Norman Rockwell painting. Anyway, it reminded me of olden days which makes me think of the Amish and whenever I think of the Amish I always think "I should have been born Amish". I think about the simplicity of their life and it seems so peaceful.
And, I know, I would miss things. I would really miss my dishwasher. I would miss music and my fiction books. I would miss Felicity :) If you never had any of that stuff then you wouldn't miss it though, right? My confession of the day is that I am jealous of the Amish. Maybe you think they get bored, but they live in a community where there is always someone to talk to or chores to do. Not to mention that I have a computer and TV and an almost one-year-old and I stay bored most of the time. In fact I am extremely bored right now which is why I am writing about wishing I was Amish :)
And, I know, I would miss things. I would really miss my dishwasher. I would miss music and my fiction books. I would miss Felicity :) If you never had any of that stuff then you wouldn't miss it though, right? My confession of the day is that I am jealous of the Amish. Maybe you think they get bored, but they live in a community where there is always someone to talk to or chores to do. Not to mention that I have a computer and TV and an almost one-year-old and I stay bored most of the time. In fact I am extremely bored right now which is why I am writing about wishing I was Amish :)
Thursday, March 03, 2011
Bucket List
I found another thing for my bucket list. I wonder how do-able (is that a word?) one's bucket list is supposed to be. I wonder if people put things they really want to do, but probably may never or if they put things they probably could do if they tried hard enough.
Well, today, mine (hopefully) falls in the latter category. I want to be a better housekeeper. I have several things going against me in this goal. Main one being my personality. I am Type B (is there a Type B? I only ever hear about Type A, but I assume there is a B as well?). I am a laid back chica mostly. There a few things that I'm particular about...but, you know what, not one thing is coming to mind! Hmmmm...I bet my husband could tell you something I'm anal about, but I can't think of anything. I'm anal about not pumping my own gas! :):) Jokes! Just jokes.
Yes....back to that which is against me in reaching my goal. I did not have chores as a child. I thank you, mama, for always taking care of me, but now I don't make my bed. Or vacuum. Or scrub floors. I do, however, do the laundry! I also wash dishes every day. I guess everyone does, but man, never ending dishes! (It also needs to be said that I take good care of my daughter. She is not as neglected as my bed)
Also, I am self-indulgent. Oh yes, I do not have that problem some people have of "never sitting still". I can sit still and read for 5 hours. No problem. I actually do feel guilty when I do that, but apparantly not guilty enough to get my bum off the couch.
So, what's a girl to do? This week I have made small strides. One "area" at a time seems to be working for me. A room is to big of a goal so I have been focusing on "areas". Judge me if you will...but know that the Bible tells you not to judge anyone ;) On Tuesday, I cleaned the toilets (BOTH of them). Wednesday, I kicked some butt in the foyer and cleaned the floors and put everything away and cleaned the rest of the downstairs bathroom (it took me at least an hour). Today I cleaned off our dining room table which was covered in Ka-Rap. So far, this is the best method I've come up with for myself.
However, I am hoping one day to be more like my Fancy Bestie who keeps a perfect home :) I don't know that I'll ever get there, but...maybe? :)
Well, today, mine (hopefully) falls in the latter category. I want to be a better housekeeper. I have several things going against me in this goal. Main one being my personality. I am Type B (is there a Type B? I only ever hear about Type A, but I assume there is a B as well?). I am a laid back chica mostly. There a few things that I'm particular about...but, you know what, not one thing is coming to mind! Hmmmm...I bet my husband could tell you something I'm anal about, but I can't think of anything. I'm anal about not pumping my own gas! :):) Jokes! Just jokes.
Yes....back to that which is against me in reaching my goal. I did not have chores as a child. I thank you, mama, for always taking care of me, but now I don't make my bed. Or vacuum. Or scrub floors. I do, however, do the laundry! I also wash dishes every day. I guess everyone does, but man, never ending dishes! (It also needs to be said that I take good care of my daughter. She is not as neglected as my bed)
Also, I am self-indulgent. Oh yes, I do not have that problem some people have of "never sitting still". I can sit still and read for 5 hours. No problem. I actually do feel guilty when I do that, but apparantly not guilty enough to get my bum off the couch.
So, what's a girl to do? This week I have made small strides. One "area" at a time seems to be working for me. A room is to big of a goal so I have been focusing on "areas". Judge me if you will...but know that the Bible tells you not to judge anyone ;) On Tuesday, I cleaned the toilets (BOTH of them). Wednesday, I kicked some butt in the foyer and cleaned the floors and put everything away and cleaned the rest of the downstairs bathroom (it took me at least an hour). Today I cleaned off our dining room table which was covered in Ka-Rap. So far, this is the best method I've come up with for myself.
However, I am hoping one day to be more like my Fancy Bestie who keeps a perfect home :) I don't know that I'll ever get there, but...maybe? :)
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Army life thoughts
As I am still trying to record our trip from America to Germany, this post is a fill-in. Today I met some army wives & hung out with them. They were very nice & helpful & talked about army life & details that I need to know. I am thankful that they took the time to hang out with me & get to know me a little bit. I had a good day.
But what I'm thinking is that maybe I am just not cut out for the army life. In a way, I think that doesn't make sense because this is where God has me. But in another way, I can't do everything well so maybe this is a temporary period in my life that will be a challenge. I just don't like the army life. I don't mind the hotel & I can deal with Chris being gone (not talking deployment here, I mean just gone for weekends or whatever), but I really don't like army bases. I really don't like all the rigid structure of the army & how masculine it all feels. I don't like how my husband has so very little freedom to do what he wants when he wants, etc. I don't like the alcohol or the crude jokes. I don't even like how because I am a wife (with a baby no less!) I get all this special treatment. It makes me feel like a child.
So maybe this isn't for me. I mean, it is for now because it has to be, but maybe we are just supposed to do the 4-year thing & then God will take us somewhere else. I sure hope so! Today, the girls showed me their neighborhood & I thought "this is nice housing, but I don't know that I would want to live here". It's ALL army families. It's like a cult or something. I think it's a great theory-put people together that are dealing with the same things. Great theory, but not for me. I want my family & I want my best friends. Am I wrong? I want to be with people who are different than me. I am still jet-lagged so I may be doing a poor job of explaining things, but I want diversity. I don't want to be surrounded by friggin' army everything!!
I really miss home right now so I probably have a bad attitude. I just wish the 3 of us could go home & settle down near our friends & family. I want to have another baby & not worry about deployment. I want my dog & my cat to be able to live with us. I miss everyone so much. Things will get better.
But what I'm thinking is that maybe I am just not cut out for the army life. In a way, I think that doesn't make sense because this is where God has me. But in another way, I can't do everything well so maybe this is a temporary period in my life that will be a challenge. I just don't like the army life. I don't mind the hotel & I can deal with Chris being gone (not talking deployment here, I mean just gone for weekends or whatever), but I really don't like army bases. I really don't like all the rigid structure of the army & how masculine it all feels. I don't like how my husband has so very little freedom to do what he wants when he wants, etc. I don't like the alcohol or the crude jokes. I don't even like how because I am a wife (with a baby no less!) I get all this special treatment. It makes me feel like a child.
So maybe this isn't for me. I mean, it is for now because it has to be, but maybe we are just supposed to do the 4-year thing & then God will take us somewhere else. I sure hope so! Today, the girls showed me their neighborhood & I thought "this is nice housing, but I don't know that I would want to live here". It's ALL army families. It's like a cult or something. I think it's a great theory-put people together that are dealing with the same things. Great theory, but not for me. I want my family & I want my best friends. Am I wrong? I want to be with people who are different than me. I am still jet-lagged so I may be doing a poor job of explaining things, but I want diversity. I don't want to be surrounded by friggin' army everything!!
I really miss home right now so I probably have a bad attitude. I just wish the 3 of us could go home & settle down near our friends & family. I want to have another baby & not worry about deployment. I want my dog & my cat to be able to live with us. I miss everyone so much. Things will get better.
Sunday, August 01, 2010
August Goals
I like 'em. I'm a goal kinda girl. And, this month, I've got lots.
But I'm excited to try to attack them & make them submit :) Some of my daily goals are....
1.) To read a Yahoo News Article every day. Just one a day. No biggie. Problem is that I am not into the news. Which isn't a problem for everyone, but it is for me. Because I want to know what's going on in my country & around the world. I think it's important. I want to be able to hear an Obama speech & know what the heck he's talking about. So one news article a day for now. For August at least...
2.) To make my bed. Every day. Pretty self-explanatory I think.
3.) To take 20 mins every day to read non-fiction. You see, there are lots of non-fiction books I want to read (books like...You on a Diet, Becoming Babywise, Super Baby Food). I'm really good at buying them, but not so good at reading them. I am making progress...just not the progress I want. And, no time is not an issue. I read 13 fiction books this month. No joke. 13. I counted them.
4.) To spend some intimate time with God each day. Not massive amounts, just some. Shouldn't be too hard. Shouldn't being the key phrase here.
5.) To read to Baby Girl 20 mins a day. I cannot tell you how many articles I have read that emphasize the importance of reading to your baby. I really really really want this one to happen. The roadblock with this one is that baby books are just boring. But I guess I better get over it since I will be reading them for a long long time. I dont know any kids that read James Patterson :)
Then I have a couple of weekly goals...
1.) Exercise 3x a week. Right now, I am getting in 1-2 workouts. Time to step it up!!
2.) Scrapbook 2hours a week. 2 hours a week!! That's nothing! I mean, come on! I am ridiculous. There are several scrapbooks waiting on me. My bible study scrapbook (50% finished), my STINT scrapbook from 2006 (75% finished), my army scrapbook (haven't started yet), mmm...that's it I think. And, NO, I am not going to start a scrapbook for Baby Girl. An 18-year project?? No thank you. You did see where I haven't finished the one from 2006, right? I try not to make unrealistic goals, so Baby Girl is only getting a photo album. If I ever have copious amounts of time & creativity, I'll scrapbook her life then.
All that's left is cleaning goals which I wont bore you with. Here's to a productive August!!
*A derogatory comment about Hugh Hefner has been removed (in case you saw some of the comments reference it). I removed it because God told me to :)
But I'm excited to try to attack them & make them submit :) Some of my daily goals are....
1.) To read a Yahoo News Article every day. Just one a day. No biggie. Problem is that I am not into the news. Which isn't a problem for everyone, but it is for me. Because I want to know what's going on in my country & around the world. I think it's important. I want to be able to hear an Obama speech & know what the heck he's talking about. So one news article a day for now. For August at least...
2.) To make my bed. Every day. Pretty self-explanatory I think.
3.) To take 20 mins every day to read non-fiction. You see, there are lots of non-fiction books I want to read (books like...You on a Diet, Becoming Babywise, Super Baby Food). I'm really good at buying them, but not so good at reading them. I am making progress...just not the progress I want. And, no time is not an issue. I read 13 fiction books this month. No joke. 13. I counted them.
4.) To spend some intimate time with God each day. Not massive amounts, just some. Shouldn't be too hard. Shouldn't being the key phrase here.
5.) To read to Baby Girl 20 mins a day. I cannot tell you how many articles I have read that emphasize the importance of reading to your baby. I really really really want this one to happen. The roadblock with this one is that baby books are just boring. But I guess I better get over it since I will be reading them for a long long time. I dont know any kids that read James Patterson :)
Then I have a couple of weekly goals...
1.) Exercise 3x a week. Right now, I am getting in 1-2 workouts. Time to step it up!!
2.) Scrapbook 2hours a week. 2 hours a week!! That's nothing! I mean, come on! I am ridiculous. There are several scrapbooks waiting on me. My bible study scrapbook (50% finished), my STINT scrapbook from 2006 (75% finished), my army scrapbook (haven't started yet), mmm...that's it I think. And, NO, I am not going to start a scrapbook for Baby Girl. An 18-year project?? No thank you. You did see where I haven't finished the one from 2006, right? I try not to make unrealistic goals, so Baby Girl is only getting a photo album. If I ever have copious amounts of time & creativity, I'll scrapbook her life then.
All that's left is cleaning goals which I wont bore you with. Here's to a productive August!!
*A derogatory comment about Hugh Hefner has been removed (in case you saw some of the comments reference it). I removed it because God told me to :)
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Saturday fun
I love Saturday mornings. Not because I got to sleep in (because I didn't), not because Hubby isn't working (because he is), & not because we have weekend plans (because we don't). Nope, I love Saturday mornings because of Saturday morning cartoons!! I LOVE them! I watch Qubo. My favorite cartoon is "Jane & the Dragon", my second favortie is "Willa's Wild Life", & my third favortie is "3-2-1 Penguins" :)
Even when I was working full-time (which included weekends), every Saturday I had off I made sure I got up early enough to watch my cartoons. Hubby watches them with me when he can. They are really good!!
I can't wait until Baby Girl is big enough to watch them with me. I just know it will be a favorite family tradition. Along with Sunday afternoon naps :) I love her age right now (10 weeks). She is very easy to manage (as long as she is happy!) & she takes regular naps so I still have a lot of time to do things I want to do. But I do think about when she is older & how much fun we will have playing tea party & coloring & playing in the baby pool. I will have someone to play with-how fun! I look forward to having conversations with her & teaching her about things she doesn't understand & making cookies with her. Sounds fun!
I shouldn't say I "can't wait" because I can. I don't want to wish away her baby stage because it is precious & fleeting. I want to remember the times when she wakes up & wants to snuggle. I want to remember when her feet were too little to wear all the cute shoes she has in her closet. I want to remember having to hold her little head up because she can't hold it up herself. I even want to remember those special middle of the night feedings when it's just the two of us & it's quiet & intimate. Even Bella stays in her bed at 4am! :)
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
let's vent, shall we?
ok, does anyone actually like kathy lee gifford? i mean, somebody must cuz she got that job on the 4th hour of the today show. but she is constantly interrupting hoda & she is a total ditz. or at least she acts like one.
also, i am thinking that we can now move on from michael jackson's death. nothing against the man, but apparantly he is some form of deity to people b/c you can't turn on the flippin tv (i am very tempted to cuss) without seeing his face. and i think they need to put that body in the ground.
on the upside, on regis & kelly they were talking about sleeping positions between men & women & what it says about your relationship. i am proud to report that the position hubby & i sleep in is the one that shows the most "in love" amount...or something like that. that sentence was hard to word. anyway, it is facing each other with your legs intertwined. we fall asleep like that, but end up turning over sometime during the night. but i thought that was so sweet to hear. sometimes our foreheads will even touch...i miss him so much.
i am an official addict of army wives. i hope it stays good (i cant be certain b/c i am still in season one). i hung out with 2 little babies the past couple of days and now i want one! they are just so teeny & precious. here's some pics:
Isaac Joel
-
Felicity Olivia
-
Awwwwwwwl. so sweet. want one. but it takes 2 :) & it takes money :)
Thursday, March 12, 2009
addictions
I do realize that when most people hear that word, it is very serious and ominous, but of course that's not what I mean. Lately, I have been very aware of how many "addictions" I have-they really are addictions, although you also probably classify them as bad habits. (but let's not get into all my bad habits. you truly do not have the time.)
Firstly, I am addicted to both the Mark of the Lion series & the Twilight series. It's bad, I put one down to show self-control & then I just pick the other one up. I read them both last night while Shaffer slept.
Secondly, I am addicted to my ipod. I listen to it all the time. I take it in the car with me, in the shower (I have a speaker), while I cook, while I clean (ok, to be honest, that one is not very often), I will turn it on even if all I have to do is put my socks on!
Thirdly, I am addicted to sleep. I have had 4 days off (a small miracle) and so far I have slept for 10 hours every night. This is very unlike me, but I can't say I haven't enjoyed it. :)
Between books, music, & sleep I am very effectively wasting time. But today, I am going to hang out with some girls & then Dawn & Zac are coming over later for pizza & who knows what else. So not all my time is being frivilously spent :)
Right now, it looks sunny, but I'm scared it's cold. The weather through a window can be so deceiving.
Firstly, I am addicted to both the Mark of the Lion series & the Twilight series. It's bad, I put one down to show self-control & then I just pick the other one up. I read them both last night while Shaffer slept.
Secondly, I am addicted to my ipod. I listen to it all the time. I take it in the car with me, in the shower (I have a speaker), while I cook, while I clean (ok, to be honest, that one is not very often), I will turn it on even if all I have to do is put my socks on!
Thirdly, I am addicted to sleep. I have had 4 days off (a small miracle) and so far I have slept for 10 hours every night. This is very unlike me, but I can't say I haven't enjoyed it. :)
Between books, music, & sleep I am very effectively wasting time. But today, I am going to hang out with some girls & then Dawn & Zac are coming over later for pizza & who knows what else. So not all my time is being frivilously spent :)
Right now, it looks sunny, but I'm scared it's cold. The weather through a window can be so deceiving.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Can't help myself
I admit it. I love love stories.
Not trashy or sappy stories, but real LOVE stories.
This calls for a top 5 list.
Not trashy or sappy stories, but real LOVE stories.
This calls for a top 5 list.
5. Joseph Donnelly & Shannon Christie
4. Romeo Montague & Juliet Capulet
3. Claire Beauchamp & James Fraser
2. Eliza Bennet & Mr. Darcy
1. Jesus & His bride
This video of course did not make the cut, but I love watching it!
Saturday, December 29, 2007
wow! i remember how to type
forgetting how to type was an awful experience. truly sorry for the delay in postings, but i couldn't expect to dictate my blog to a transcriptionist, could i?!? but now that my typing memory has been restored, all is well.
i guess i could do a top 5 of my events in my life lately since i happen to love top anything lists. i've also been into rating things. i give my hair today a 1 & my pajamas a 9.
5.) Being a oncology unit clerk. i was just thinking recently that since i like it so much, what's the point in going back to get my masters in english? it sounds like i'm kidding, but i'm not! i love being a secretary! gosh, i'm a dork.
4.) Knowing that I still miss Slovakia so much some days it hurts. It's sounds like a not-so-fun one & it isn't so fun, but at least I know I haven't cut that part of heart out or moved on. I still get so jealous of people who get to go back...A.K.A. people with more money than me! (well, that's just about everyone...KIDDING! :)
3.) ummm, my hair is getting really long which means soon I'll be able to chop it for 'Locks For Love'.
2.) Getting engaged on 9/13/07 rocked the house! it was great & the red hat ladies even bought our dinner.
1.) The number one event in my life as of late would have to be since i'm gettting married soon, then soon there will be no more planning a wedding! jeejj! i can't wait to not have to plan a wedding EVER AGAIN!
wow, that was great. really invigorating. i'm going to try to stay more up to date on my blogging, but we'll see. i hear old married ladies don't have all that much free time. :( sad, i love free time. my favorite subject.
i guess i could do a top 5 of my events in my life lately since i happen to love top anything lists. i've also been into rating things. i give my hair today a 1 & my pajamas a 9.
5.) Being a oncology unit clerk. i was just thinking recently that since i like it so much, what's the point in going back to get my masters in english? it sounds like i'm kidding, but i'm not! i love being a secretary! gosh, i'm a dork.
4.) Knowing that I still miss Slovakia so much some days it hurts. It's sounds like a not-so-fun one & it isn't so fun, but at least I know I haven't cut that part of heart out or moved on. I still get so jealous of people who get to go back...A.K.A. people with more money than me! (well, that's just about everyone...KIDDING! :)
3.) ummm, my hair is getting really long which means soon I'll be able to chop it for 'Locks For Love'.
2.) Getting engaged on 9/13/07 rocked the house! it was great & the red hat ladies even bought our dinner.
1.) The number one event in my life as of late would have to be since i'm gettting married soon, then soon there will be no more planning a wedding! jeejj! i can't wait to not have to plan a wedding EVER AGAIN!
wow, that was great. really invigorating. i'm going to try to stay more up to date on my blogging, but we'll see. i hear old married ladies don't have all that much free time. :( sad, i love free time. my favorite subject.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
BOOKS
Is it possible to be in love with books? No, I'm serious. I may be flirting with disaster by saying this, but I do not know what my life would be like without books. It may take one of 2 roads. It may go down the TV path where I would watch TV every day & every night for hours. That may be one of the most depressing thoughts I have ever had.
OR, it may take the meditative path where I am forced to just sit around & think about life & love & God & scripture. In that case, the eradication of all books in my life would be a positive thing.
Since (hopefully) my life will never be void of books, I don't really need to worry about it.
But, sometimes I do think about how people who read all the time catch a lot less slack than people who watch TV a lot or throw themselves into physical exercise. Reading can become just as much as an avoidance to real life as any other activity. Reading can hinder your relationship with God & it can become an idol just like anything else. Of course, if you're reading the Bible all day long, well, that's a different story all together.
But I don't read the Bible all day long. I read it every day which is a step in the right direction & I even try to read 10 pages of a Christian author every day. Want to know how many pages of fiction I read every day? Well, I won't tell you that because it makes my 10 pages & 2-3 Biblical chapters look mighty pitiful.
This entry started out as an ode to books & instead I am scolding myself! I am only human & I do believe that reading a book about the Californian gold rush for 3 hours will harm you less than watching Friends for the same amount of time (which I also do on occasion).
Bottom line is I love Jesus more than books, but I love books about as much as I love air :)
& one day in heaven I am going to have a library like this one: 
& before you ask, of course I will share my treasure with you.
*please note that this is a light-hearted entry & try not to read too much into the theology behind it, because, well, because there isn't any :) !!
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
time keeps on passing
i keep wondering when life is going to feel normal again! no, not normal, per se, but GOOD. life as a follower of christ is anything but normal. & life in hton isn't BAD you know, but it's not what i want it to be. it's hard to explain. i think what my real problem has more to do with me than hton of course.
i am pursuing the lord. i am seeking his will & reading his word & i love him & i long for him but i still feel empty. i still feel far away from him. he is more important to me than anyone else & i miss him more than anything else i left behind in slovakia.
my life is not completely void of god. when i just read what i wrote, it sounds like i lost god somewhere along the way. that is not the case. god is with me now as i write. i know he is. i do not doubt his love or his plan for me. he has blessed my life with abundance. the man i now call my own (chris) has brought more freedom into my life than any female counselor did after my conversion. i have a very fulfilling job where i can be a ray of love or light or joy or something to people who are dying of cancer. god is with me every day. i wake up before the sun & spend time with god & i feel his presence. i believe he meets with me & talks to me.
but still, something is wrong. i hope this isn't coming across as negative, because it's not negative. it's more contemplative. it's just i want my life to be bursting with purpose. i want to be overflowing & i'm not. most days i still struggle. most days i'm still kinda sad. i remember being a baby christian & my unyielding faith & my foolish passion & i long for those days to return again. or at least, something to make me feel that FULL again. only jesus can, i know. i'm just not sure where to find him in his fullness or how to meet him there.
i am pursuing the lord. i am seeking his will & reading his word & i love him & i long for him but i still feel empty. i still feel far away from him. he is more important to me than anyone else & i miss him more than anything else i left behind in slovakia.
my life is not completely void of god. when i just read what i wrote, it sounds like i lost god somewhere along the way. that is not the case. god is with me now as i write. i know he is. i do not doubt his love or his plan for me. he has blessed my life with abundance. the man i now call my own (chris) has brought more freedom into my life than any female counselor did after my conversion. i have a very fulfilling job where i can be a ray of love or light or joy or something to people who are dying of cancer. god is with me every day. i wake up before the sun & spend time with god & i feel his presence. i believe he meets with me & talks to me.
but still, something is wrong. i hope this isn't coming across as negative, because it's not negative. it's more contemplative. it's just i want my life to be bursting with purpose. i want to be overflowing & i'm not. most days i still struggle. most days i'm still kinda sad. i remember being a baby christian & my unyielding faith & my foolish passion & i long for those days to return again. or at least, something to make me feel that FULL again. only jesus can, i know. i'm just not sure where to find him in his fullness or how to meet him there.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
gotta wear shades
wow. has it really been months since i wrote on here!? seriously slacking. i have been experiencing one of my most fried times ever. i say fried not to refer to drug use but emotional, mental, & spiritual exhaustion. the good news is is that i am on the down slope (or is it up slope? what i mean is it's getting better).
i also have not had internet so that makes updating blogs somewhat difficult :)
gosh, i'm not even sure what to write about.
today, let me tell you about my day today. weeellll, i woke up early this morning to meet the cable guy & cook breakfast for my new (well, not so new anymore) beau because my mother watches too much CSI & was afraid that the cable guy would hurt me. then i had a lovely caramel latte with dear karole. after that, i talked to andrea & lisa online which made me miss slovakia so much i cried (but just a little bit...which these days "just a little bit" is quite an improvement). then i went to the dreaded logan's roadhouse to wait tables. lucky for me, it was the easiest friday night i have ever worked & i made the most money i have ever made on a friday (how is that possible??). now i am sitting on my blue couch starving (but also too lazy to make anything to eat) & my feet hurt. so, THAT is what i did today.
today was a good day.
but i'm telling you what, my future is bright! i just got not one, but two new jobs, i only have a few more shifts left at logans, i have an amazing boyfriend who also happens to be one of my best friends, i have internet in my apartment, my baby cat lives with me now, & it's the very beginning of the magical holiday season! (& no, i dont care if you call me a sap :p)
a picture? well...i suppose if you insist...
i also have not had internet so that makes updating blogs somewhat difficult :)
gosh, i'm not even sure what to write about.
today, let me tell you about my day today. weeellll, i woke up early this morning to meet the cable guy & cook breakfast for my new (well, not so new anymore) beau because my mother watches too much CSI & was afraid that the cable guy would hurt me. then i had a lovely caramel latte with dear karole. after that, i talked to andrea & lisa online which made me miss slovakia so much i cried (but just a little bit...which these days "just a little bit" is quite an improvement). then i went to the dreaded logan's roadhouse to wait tables. lucky for me, it was the easiest friday night i have ever worked & i made the most money i have ever made on a friday (how is that possible??). now i am sitting on my blue couch starving (but also too lazy to make anything to eat) & my feet hurt. so, THAT is what i did today.
today was a good day.
but i'm telling you what, my future is bright! i just got not one, but two new jobs, i only have a few more shifts left at logans, i have an amazing boyfriend who also happens to be one of my best friends, i have internet in my apartment, my baby cat lives with me now, & it's the very beginning of the magical holiday season! (& no, i dont care if you call me a sap :p)
a picture? well...i suppose if you insist...
Monday, April 24, 2006
MODG-PODG
recent thoughts, journal entries, whatnot...
weird weird night. ok, not so weird as something else, but not sure what...i hold my heart in my balled up fist & then set it down with my keys... there will always be something luring my heart into pain...sometimes i love my life. i love candles. i love the way they flicker & shine. i love coffee first thing in the morning. i love cats. i know it is so not cool to love cats, but i love cats. & i think people singing to god is the most beautiful sound ever. i love calendars in january when the year is brand new & anything could happen. i love new books & i love old books. i love the way it feels to hold a pen & write out your soul. i love kind people. i love unselfishness. & i love yellow flowers...why do i write? i write because what is inside threatens to take over. i write because i do not understand nor comprehend what goes on inside my heart...feel acutely bad. it's one of those bads where it's in your face, every corner you turn, every word you say. it's a heavy covering on your heart or your mind & it wont go away...i want your intimacy. i will pound on the doors of heaven to get it & i will not give up until i do...what is it that causes lonliness? i believe it might be separation from god. lack of jesus in my very soul where my heart is most alive...i hate my flesh & my sin. i breed it & it swells & seeps out of my pores & then i wipe it on people & then we are both stained with my sin...my love, think of me & remember what we are... thank you jesus for making me beautiful to the one who matters...lord, you are something else entirely...i am eternally intertwined with my maker & i am eternally his.
weird weird night. ok, not so weird as something else, but not sure what...i hold my heart in my balled up fist & then set it down with my keys... there will always be something luring my heart into pain...sometimes i love my life. i love candles. i love the way they flicker & shine. i love coffee first thing in the morning. i love cats. i know it is so not cool to love cats, but i love cats. & i think people singing to god is the most beautiful sound ever. i love calendars in january when the year is brand new & anything could happen. i love new books & i love old books. i love the way it feels to hold a pen & write out your soul. i love kind people. i love unselfishness. & i love yellow flowers...why do i write? i write because what is inside threatens to take over. i write because i do not understand nor comprehend what goes on inside my heart...feel acutely bad. it's one of those bads where it's in your face, every corner you turn, every word you say. it's a heavy covering on your heart or your mind & it wont go away...i want your intimacy. i will pound on the doors of heaven to get it & i will not give up until i do...what is it that causes lonliness? i believe it might be separation from god. lack of jesus in my very soul where my heart is most alive...i hate my flesh & my sin. i breed it & it swells & seeps out of my pores & then i wipe it on people & then we are both stained with my sin...my love, think of me & remember what we are... thank you jesus for making me beautiful to the one who matters...lord, you are something else entirely...i am eternally intertwined with my maker & i am eternally his.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)