Wednesday, July 24, 2013


Autumn starts preschool next month.  I'm sad.  Not because it's not the right choice (I think, although I am praying through that currently), but because I don't want her to grow up.  I mean, I'm SAD.  I cried last night and it's a month away!  I have always thought that people who cried over their kids going to school were insane.  I just didn't get it.

People don't get upset because they can't handle time away from their kids.  People don't get upset because their child is taller than they were a year ago.  People don't get upset because their child is becoming independent.  (Well, maybe that one a little bit).  People get upset because their child is entering a new stage of life that is scary.  Yes, it is just preschool, I get it.  However, it is a concentrated number of hours every week that my child will be under the influence of other people/children.

My 3 year old is very sweet and is under the impression that everyone she meets will love her.  She is under the impression that adults are kind and will protect her.  We have tried to teach her about "stranger danger" without scaring her, but I'm not sure she gets it.  I don't think much about her beliefs will change with this preschool because we are sending her to an awesome, Christ based school with amazing teachers.  But, from this point onward, her days of innocence are ticking down.  She will learn, if not now, then at some point, that kids can and will be mean.  She will learn that some girls will hurt her for no reason than she is different than them.  She will learn that just because she likes a boy doesn't mean he will like her back and that will hurt.  One day, she will learn about drugs and child abuse and so much more than that.  A lot of that she won't learn for many years, but this is where it starts.  This is where she leaves me (and my protection) behind (or so it feels).

Another minor (selfish, insecure) thing that is making me weepy is that I know she is going to be like "peace out mom" and take off playing.  That's great, I know, but I want her to kind of feel like I do and she doesn't.  She isn't going to miss me, she isn't going to be sad about us losing time together every day...she is going to be way too busy having fun.  I know that's a good thing, but if I'm being honest (which I try very hard to be), it hurts me a little bit.  It makes me feel unnecessary and who wants to feel that?

The last thing I'm struggling with is the actual educational aspect.  I taught Autumn her ABCs.  I taught Autumn what all the sounds of the letters make.  I taught Autumn how to write those letters.  Someone else will most likely teach her how to read.  Someone else will teach her how to add and subtract.  This makes my heart unbelievable sad and heavy.  I wish homeschooling was the "norm" and/or I wish my husband was all about it so that the choice would just be taken away from me.  I wish I just "had" to do it because I would do it and I think I would step up and do it well (*think* being the key word...I am also totally afraid I would do a terrible job).  But instead, there is a choice (what a nasty nasty word!) we have to make.  And at this point, we are choosing preschool.  I don't know if it is the right choice or not.  I am very emotional about everything right now and feel that I can't be unbiased at the moment.

So, now I understand why people get upset when their kids go to school and you can bet I will sobbing the entire way home after dropping her off.  Unless, I cry every day until then, in which case, I might be ok.  I did that with Chris's deployment.  I sobbed every night before it happened for about 3 weeks and then when he actually left, I did ok.  It was like I had already mourned him leaving.  Weird, huh?

Poof! From a baby to a big girl, just like that!

Thursday, July 18, 2013


My life of late has been as follows...

Craughing at it's finest ;)
She's getting so big!
We don't do this nearly enough!
This.  Always this. 
This looks like they all are happy to be sitting next to each other...
Looks can be deceiving :)
And this too.  We are battling food allergies :(

Oh, and this!
I've been getting "fit".  I use that term loosely ;)

I have been trying to put my health first lately and finding it to be challenging.  Working out everyday is nice in theory, but getting us out of the house everyday is hard and then coming back home hot, sweaty, and sore doesn't lend to much energy.  We would wake, eat, get dressed, go work out, come home, play for 30 mins while I sat on the couch, eat lunch, put Caleb to bed, shower, and then if I had any energy left over I would do something productive with Autumn.  It wasn't happening very often!  Then Caleb would wake up and they always watch a video while I make dinner.  So Caleb wasn't really getting any quality time with me.  So just in the last week I decided to only go 2 days a week and my parenting has been more focused.   I feel much better about everything.  In my opinion, my spiritual life and my family life must come before anything else.  I was sacrificing my kids for my health...which needed to happen because I was eating all kinds of junk and couldn't lose the baby weight and I think it is important to be healthy!  However, now that I got a grip on my eating, I needed to go back to having days at home with energy to play with my kids.   

I've got this grand plan for next week ;)  I will try to document it!  Here's my plan.
Our week will be ocean themed.  

On Monday we are going to make an "ocean" out of blue gelatin.  (Monday is "Messy Monday" haha)
On Tuesday we are to make fish and octopus crafts I found online. (Tuesday is craft day or maybe art day if I can get more into kids are just so young right now)
On Wednesday we are going to have an ocean-themed bath. (Wacky Bath Wednesday)
On Thursday, they will play will an ocean themed sensory tub. (Sensory Day)
On Friday we are going to wear black and white and pretend to be penguins. (Pretend play)

Everything I found is appropriate for a 3 year old and a 19 month old.  I think it's pretty manageable.  We'll see though.  Sometimes I have these great ideas and then they flop.  Or I flop.  Or something like that.  Plus most of this stuff is just for as far as teaching Autumn to write or teaching Caleb his letters, I'm not sure how I will incorporate that stuff in.  I know they learn through play, but if you don't teach them their ABC's, they won't learn them by playing in blue gelatin.  Or something like that :) 

In other news, Chris has been gone waaaaay too much this summer.  Being married to a soldier is a total drag at times.  Last night I showered with all 3 of the kids.  Really!  I was just going to do the big kids and then Elizabeth had a poop monstrosity so I thought what the heck.  Anyway, he's only been home one evening this week.  It's a DRAG.  

At least it's one less mouth to cook for though, right?! :)

On that lovely note, I'm out.  Autumn & Caleb are fighting over a blanket.  We only have 200 of them in this house.   

Ladybug 4 Months

This is going up late by 11 days.  I almost forgot to do it.  I am barely blogging these days, but I want to keep up with her monthly posts since I will need to go back and fill in her baby book when I have more time.

We took two trips last month.  One was to Denver to see my brother graduate and one was to California to have a girls trip with my mom, my sister, and a bunch of my mom's friends.  We flew both places and she did pretty great.  Really, no complaints from me.  She did, however, get totally off her schedule both times, and is not anywhere near sleeping through the night like she was a month ago.  It's all good though.   In time :)

She also has cleaned up her messy eating ways.  She just doesn't dribble anymore.  I don't know why, but I'll take it.  She does drool a lot though!  First one of mine to drool.  I hope it doesn't last for months and months like some kids because it's kind of gross when I go to pick her up and her dress is drenched!  Time to bust out the bibs I guess!

She found her feet but isn't too interested in them.  Sometimes when she is laying on her back, she will lift her hand up and just stare at her fingers.  It is so funny.

She still the sweetest baby ever.  All the girls at Optimom (my work out group) go on about how easy she is...I'll ask how she did and they'll say "why do you even ask?"  So, quite a change from my baby man who still cries every single time I leave him!  However, Caleb laughs louder and longer than either one of his sisters.  Elizabeth has only laughed 3 times her entire life that I know of!  Caleb started cackling at about 2 months of age!!  So, there is good and not so good with all of us :)

Elizabeth's cry is so quiet that I have to use the baby monitor at all times.  It might be the quietest cry of all time.  Unless she gets really worked up (which happens when I forget to turn the monitor on so she cries in her room for a long time), then she screams bloody murder.  So I know her lungs work just fine...she just has to get really mad to use them to their full capacity.

We went to the doctor yesterday and she is 46% for weight (13ish pounds) and 79% for height (can't remember, but it's written down somewhere).  A little lighter and a little longer than Autumn at that age, but pretty close to her sister's stats.  All my kids are TALL (95% 99% 79%)!  2 of them are also thin, one is not ;)

No picture this month because I'm lazy!

Baby book details:
Favorite toy: Pink kitty cat rattle, or watching her older siblings, or mommy making funny faces at her
Although she doesn't laugh much, she smiles allllll the time.
Dislikes:  I seriously can't think of one.  Loud noises maybe?
Still can't tolerate dairy via breast milk
Uses the bumpo on occasion and does fine except it makes her spit up longer than 5 or so minutes.  Her core gets lazy ;)