Friday, May 24, 2013

Sticky Weight Plus Some

My baby weight is stuck on me.  I was looking back at some of my old posts and 6ish weeks postpartum with Autumn, I wrote " stomach is flat...".  UGH.  I didn't know how good I had it!  With Caleb too, it came right off.  Now I have an 11 week old and I still feel pregnant because of my gut.  UGH.  I have a couple theories.  One is I am getting old.  Another one is I got pregnant too soon. Those are my only two theories.  Death to my belly fat! Death to my back fat! Death to my leg fat!  I feel so disgusting almost all the time.  I joined a work out group that is definitely making me sweat and making my muscles ache, but is it enough?  What else can I do?  I am a total dunce when it comes to getting in shape since I've never been in shape before.  Funny how that works.  I don't want to be shallow but I want to feel attractive.  I know beauty comes from the inside, but I feel so gross and squishy.  UGH.

I was watching Arrested Development tonight and it is just as hilarious as it was 3 years ago.  I just love that show!  Arrested Development, Friends, The Office, and Modern Family never fail to make me crack up and I love it!

If I could drink a Grande Soy White Chocolate Mocha without having to pay for it and without the calories turning directly into fat on my thighs, I totally would everyday.  They are sooooo good!

I am so emotional lately.  I hate it.  I'm totally not normal when it comes to emotions....I won't say not normal because I know quite a few people like me, I'll say not healthy.  I don't like feeling things.  Sometimes when I nurse Eliza, I get this influx of gushy emotions and I just don't like it.

Chris has been working late nights and so I'm taking care of the kids solo and IT IS SO HARD.  Ohmygosh, by the end of the day my patience is totally kaput.  Not to mention my energy.  Baths are the worst.  Imagine washing, scrubbing, rinsing, drying, lotioning, and dressing 4 humans (I am counting myself as one of them)'s exhausting.

There is a crazy cat outside.  It's freaking me out.

Let's end on a happy note!  I had a conversation with Autumn about her thumb sucking and she hasn't sucked it for 2 days...just like that!  I think she is making up for the insanity we went through to potty train her.  Seriously, though, she just stopped!  I made her a sticker chart and am giving her special rocks (the child LOVES rocks!).  If this lasts, it will earn her major major brownie points the rest of her life!

My kids are so awesome.  If you knew them, you would think so too :)      

Thursday, May 16, 2013

To Remember This Day

I haven't done one of these in so long, but they are so fun and I love to look back, read them, and remember those special days/feelings.

Maybe it's the newborn that brings them out in me (even though she was inside sleeping).  I wish I did them more often!

March 5, 2013

Warm wind
My man smelling of charcoal
Chalk as an expression of self 
Follow the leader
The leader being Autumn 
Of course
Caleb made a prisoner by a single step
Caleb gifting his mama a weed
Runny noses
Bouncing curls
Sturdy legs
Blue, blue eyes
What a beautiful evening

Monday, May 13, 2013

Mom of Three

I've quickly learned as a mom of 3 how the world is not built for "big" families.  Having three is so different than having two.

First of all, there is just a general impression you get that people don't understand why you would have three.  And, with us, why on earth we would have 3 so close together.  I mean, according to society, two is accepted and even expected, but any more than that..."they" want to know "why"?  I find myself explaining "we didn't plan this" having 3 under 3 is some sin that I should have known not to commit.  I hate it and I have just decided to never again say that to people.  Planned or not, it is one of the most beautiful things about my life and I don't need to explain it away to anyone.

There is also the issue of childcare.  I've started going to an exercise class (first time ever!) and I love it.  I love working out and I love getting healthy.  However, there is a childcare issue (unrelated to me) and there seems to be (possibly) too many children to have to baby sit.  So, of course, I think I should just quit going.  No one has said that to me, but I am the only one who brings 3 children and certainly the only one who brings 3 very young children.

I would like to join a bible study, but am afraid I will run up against the same issue.  I take up one adult spot and 3 child spots.  It is my right to attend these things...but I can't help but feel like they see me coming and inwardly groan.  I am sure part of the problem is my own low self esteem and insecurities.

I wish society would see my children and smile.  I wish people would see me pushing a double stroller with a baby strapped to my chest and say "how happy you must be" or "you are one lucky woman" instead of "whoa" or "I guess you are done having kids for awhile, eh?".  I wish society loved children instead of seeing them as a financial burden or as stress.

My children are so special to me and so loved by me (and my husband!) and it pains my heart to have people think they are anything less than wonderful.  For us, it is can be very challenging having all these littles, but also so very worth it.

I don't know how to feel comfortable/accepted in society with these kids, but I better figure it out because we may have more!

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Ladybug Two Months

How is the gorgeous child two months old?  I still think my heart might burst from loving her so much.

She still rarely cries.
If I drink milk, her belly gets upset.  (Same as the other two)
She smiles!
She coos.
All 4 of us are completely obsessed, especially Autumn.  And me.  And Chris.  And Caleb.

Now, details to be later recorded in her baby book (I have barely begun Caleb's!  I'm SOOO behind!)
She isn't on a strict schedule and every day it is a bit different, but she roughly naps 4-5 times a day and her awake time each round is about one hour.  When we are not at home, she sleeps less and does OK with it.  She is super flexible!  At night she wakes up once or twice to eat.  Here is the insane thing about that.  I don't wish for her to sleep through the night.  I mean, sure, it will be nice to get sleep, but I am LOVING her as a baby.  Not struggling with postpartum depression this round has been freaking AMAZING (another post about that sometime!). I just want her to stay little for as long as possible.  My 3 year on the other hand drives me to red fury waking up all the time...she woke up more times than Eliza last night.

She nurses every 2-3 hours.  She is going for longer stretches when we are at home and gets really great naps in, but on the days we are out and about I tend to nurse her more often (less sleep, extra fussiness, more comfort needed?  Not sure, but she eats more often when we aren't at home).

Hmmmm...not so much.  She does smile a lot now when someone makes eye contact with her.  The other night Chris was holding her and I came over to say hi and as soon as she heard my voice, she perked up!  It made my entire month!!

She brings so much to our family and I absolutely could not imagine life without this beautiful girl!