Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Army life thoughts

As I am still trying to record our trip from America to Germany, this post is a fill-in.  Today I met some army wives & hung out with them.  They were very nice & helpful & talked about army life & details that I need to know.  I am thankful that they took the time to hang out with me & get to know me a little bit.  I had a good day.

But what I'm thinking is that maybe I am just not cut out for the army life.  In a way, I think that doesn't make sense because this is where God has me.  But in another way, I can't do everything well so maybe this is a temporary period in my life that will be a challenge.  I just don't like the army life.  I don't mind the hotel & I can deal with Chris being gone (not talking deployment here, I mean just gone for weekends or whatever), but I really don't like army bases.  I really don't like all the rigid structure of the army & how masculine it all feels.  I don't like how my husband has so very little freedom to do what he wants when he wants, etc.  I don't like the alcohol or the crude jokes.  I don't even like how because I am a wife (with a baby no less!) I get all this special treatment.  It makes me feel like a child. 

So maybe this isn't for me.  I mean, it is for now because it has to be, but maybe we are just supposed to do the 4-year thing & then God will take us somewhere else.  I sure hope so! Today, the girls showed me their neighborhood & I thought "this is nice housing, but I don't know that I would want to live here".  It's ALL army families.  It's like a cult or something.  I think it's a great theory-put people together that are dealing with the same things.  Great theory, but not for me.  I want my family & I want my best friends.  Am I wrong?  I want to be with people who are different than me.  I am still jet-lagged so I may be doing a poor job of explaining things, but I want diversity.  I don't want to be surrounded by friggin' army everything!!

I really miss home right now so I probably have a bad attitude.  I just wish the 3 of us could go home & settle down near our friends & family.  I want to have another baby & not worry about deployment.  I want my dog & my cat to be able to live with us.  I miss everyone so much.  Things will get better. 


Anonymous said...

Hey Miss Army Wife...we all miss you terribly too, but this will be a good experience for you in only ways God knows. It will be another chapter in your book, and this time Autumn gets to be in the book too! We love you all so very much, and Phoenix said he's living it up here with treats to keep him fat!

mama /Linka said...

I didn't mean to anonymous, but I guess you figured out who it was with Phoenix as the clue!