Saturday, December 29, 2007

wow! i remember how to type

forgetting how to type was an awful experience. truly sorry for the delay in postings, but i couldn't expect to dictate my blog to a transcriptionist, could i?!? but now that my typing memory has been restored, all is well.

i guess i could do a top 5 of my events in my life lately since i happen to love top anything lists. i've also been into rating things. i give my hair today a 1 & my pajamas a 9.

5.) Being a oncology unit clerk. i was just thinking recently that since i like it so much, what's the point in going back to get my masters in english? it sounds like i'm kidding, but i'm not! i love being a secretary! gosh, i'm a dork.

4.) Knowing that I still miss Slovakia so much some days it hurts. It's sounds like a not-so-fun one & it isn't so fun, but at least I know I haven't cut that part of heart out or moved on. I still get so jealous of people who get to go back...A.K.A. people with more money than me! (well, that's just about everyone...KIDDING! :)

3.) ummm, my hair is getting really long which means soon I'll be able to chop it for 'Locks For Love'.

2.) Getting engaged on 9/13/07 rocked the house! it was great & the red hat ladies even bought our dinner.

1.) The number one event in my life as of late would have to be since i'm gettting married soon, then soon there will be no more planning a wedding! jeejj! i can't wait to not have to plan a wedding EVER AGAIN!

wow, that was great. really invigorating. i'm going to try to stay more up to date on my blogging, but we'll see. i hear old married ladies don't have all that much free time. :( sad, i love free time. my favorite subject.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

I love my pets!


This would be the massiveness that is my baby boy Phoenix

Sweet Molly!

These are the extreme conditions that Lotus is willing to undertake in order to eat the plant.

Can we say priss? I don't care! I LOVE him

Such a pretty girl

Randy! Look at that tongue

Just chillin

Friday, April 20, 2007

Are you a spiritual narcissist or just a plain nut?

haha! what a funny thing to say!
my inspiration is solely from dr. larry crabb & j.i. packer :)

what they mean is that a vast amount of people in the modern church concern themselves more with becoming godly than with God Himself!! can you even imagine? it sounds ridiculous, but we all do it at times, don't we? i start freaking out if i go too many days without a quiet time, but if i examine it closely my freaking out stems out of the knowledge that without quiet times, I am headed down the road to despair. not so much concerned with the fact that i'm not encountering GOD. j. i. packer says, "while my fellow believers are constantly seeking to advance themselves in godliness, they show little direct interest in god himself...there is someting narcissistic and, to tell the truth, nutty in being more concerned about godliness than about god". larry crabb goes on to explain that we have turned god into "the helpful god of useful principles" & we have turned ourselves into "understandable strugglers who deserve to be understood and helped".

in actuality, God is a holy god of passionate wrath & we are arrogant people who deserve eternal misery. but we dont like that, do we? no, we like for people to overlook our sin because of the suffering we have to face. we want to be sympathized with for our negative upbringings & we want a hug, not a scolding. we can't live like this! the truth is, we do get a hug when we turn to jesus, but expecting a hug is what dietrich bonhoeffer calls CHEAP GRACE.

i think i might be a spiritual narcissist. there is a verse in colossians (1:18) that says, "He is also head of the body, the church..." & I was thinking about it & it hit me that Jesus Christ is an active member of my church! i know it sounds so dumb, but i had made church a place for ME to grow, for ME to worship, for ME to fellowship. Narcissistic!!!!! holy cow, i'm tired.

if you are interested in these ideas, go read shattered dreams by larry crabb or borrow it from me. i didn't agree with everything he said, but it definitely made me think :)

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Now, Tell Me, Child

Now, tell me, child, why must we rejoice in our sufferings?
Tell me why must we find JOY in our PAIN?
Tell me why did Christ have to die for me to experience shattered dreams?
Tell me why I must glorify God when my soul is weeping?
Tell me, child do all experience such sorrow?
Now, tell me, child why must I watch innocents die?
Tell me why can't I find the peace that passes understanding?
Tell me will I feel this HELPLESS forever?
Tell me where does my strength lie?
Tell me, child, where is my freedom?

Sunday, March 11, 2007


Is it possible to be in love with books? No, I'm serious. I may be flirting with disaster by saying this, but I do not know what my life would be like without books. It may take one of 2 roads. It may go down the TV path where I would watch TV every day & every night for hours. That may be one of the most depressing thoughts I have ever had.
OR, it may take the meditative path where I am forced to just sit around & think about life & love & God & scripture. In that case, the eradication of all books in my life would be a positive thing.
Since (hopefully) my life will never be void of books, I don't really need to worry about it.
But, sometimes I do think about how people who read all the time catch a lot less slack than people who watch TV a lot or throw themselves into physical exercise. Reading can become just as much as an avoidance to real life as any other activity. Reading can hinder your relationship with God & it can become an idol just like anything else. Of course, if you're reading the Bible all day long, well, that's a different story all together.
But I don't read the Bible all day long. I read it every day which is a step in the right direction & I even try to read 10 pages of a Christian author every day. Want to know how many pages of fiction I read every day? Well, I won't tell you that because it makes my 10 pages & 2-3 Biblical chapters look mighty pitiful.
This entry started out as an ode to books & instead I am scolding myself! I am only human & I do believe that reading a book about the Californian gold rush for 3 hours will harm you less than watching Friends for the same amount of time (which I also do on occasion).
Bottom line is I love Jesus more than books, but I love books about as much as I love air :)
& one day in heaven I am going to have a library like this one:

& before you ask, of course I will share my treasure with you.

*please note that this is a light-hearted entry & try not to read too much into the theology behind it, because, well, because there isn't any :) !!

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

time keeps on passing

i keep wondering when life is going to feel normal again! no, not normal, per se, but GOOD. life as a follower of christ is anything but normal. & life in hton isn't BAD you know, but it's not what i want it to be. it's hard to explain. i think what my real problem has more to do with me than hton of course.
i am pursuing the lord. i am seeking his will & reading his word & i love him & i long for him but i still feel empty. i still feel far away from him. he is more important to me than anyone else & i miss him more than anything else i left behind in slovakia.
my life is not completely void of god. when i just read what i wrote, it sounds like i lost god somewhere along the way. that is not the case. god is with me now as i write. i know he is. i do not doubt his love or his plan for me. he has blessed my life with abundance. the man i now call my own (chris) has brought more freedom into my life than any female counselor did after my conversion. i have a very fulfilling job where i can be a ray of love or light or joy or something to people who are dying of cancer. god is with me every day. i wake up before the sun & spend time with god & i feel his presence. i believe he meets with me & talks to me.
but still, something is wrong. i hope this isn't coming across as negative, because it's not negative. it's more contemplative. it's just i want my life to be bursting with purpose. i want to be overflowing & i'm not. most days i still struggle. most days i'm still kinda sad. i remember being a baby christian & my unyielding faith & my foolish passion & i long for those days to return again. or at least, something to make me feel that FULL again. only jesus can, i know. i'm just not sure where to find him in his fullness or how to meet him there.