I took Autumn to her preschool class for the last time this morning. No, she's not old enough to be moving on. No, I'm not changing preschools due to preference. It may not be the last time she ever attends preschool, but it will be the last time she attends this particular preschool. Because we're moving. Again.
One would think that moving gets easier. That saying goodbye gets simpler. That leaving memories behind becomes less painful. That is simply and absolutely not the case. I don't want to leave my life here. More importantly, I don't want to leave Autumn's life here. She has grandparents here (all 5 are within 300 miles). She has friends here. I didn't know 2 year olds had friends, but she does and she has so much fun with them. She has a church here (and a preschool). My parents have the most beautiful backyard in the world and we play in it every single day. I don't want to go. I want my husband to come here, not me and the kids go there.
But that's not how it works. My husband and I don't sit down and have a discussion about if and when and where we should move. We don't discuss if it's best for our marriage or best for our children. We are told and we obey. And it is really hard.
I read other's army wives blogs and by and far they are happy, positive, "fun" blogs about being proud of their husband and trusting God. Which is all good and well and I appreciate people taking hard and negative things and giving God glory in the darkness. But it does make me wonder if they think it's hard too? Of course, everyone thinks deployment is hard. That is a given. But what about the constant upheaval? What about never being able to lay down roots? Autumn is two and this will be her fourth move. That is not normal, even among army peeps, and I wonder if the normal "move every 3 years" plan is easier.
Our future looks like our past. 6-7 months in Germany, 6-7 months is Arizona, and then, and then, we get stationed somewhere for 2-3 years and I am so looking forward to that! I don't want to speed up time or anything, but I am SO LOOKING FORWARD to August 2013!! :) My family hasn't lived anywhere longer than 11 months since March 2010 (6 months in Oklahoma, 7 months in Germany, 11 months in Tennessee).
So, I'm kind of sad today, but in times like this, I think it helps to remember that my final home is not on earth. I am a child of God, a co-heir to Jesus Christ and my home, my stability, my "roots" are in Heaven. Not in Tennessee, West Virginia, or Kentucky. A house is just a house, just brick and mortar. And one day I'll have the permanent dwelling place my heart longs for and it will be perfect.