Back here again so soon? Why, yes, indeed I am.

Hmmm.  I haven't written in awhile.  There is a reason for that.   A couple, really.  One is I still don't know how people find time to blog with multiple children.  It doesn't help that our TV time each day is on the same computer I would use to write on.  I belong to my children all day long and then when they go to bed, I belong to my husband.  I can't say I don't ever have down time during the day but when I do I usually shower or nap or read so I guess blogging isn't up high enough on my list.  At the moment, Caleb is sleeping and Autumn is playing with Play-Doh (which won't last forever!).   The other reason I haven't blogged is that I refuse to A.) Sugar coat my life, emotions, etc and B.)  just get on here and complain and vent.

So if you put A & B together, you can see where my heart has been resting lately.  Not in a great place.  The reason is...I'm pregnant!  Again!  Unplanned!  We will call this pregnancy our "home from deployment and tired of using protection baby".  Ha.   I say that jokingly because really we were being safe and counting days and all that, but for some reason my cycle was off by more than a week that month which literally never happens (seriously, I have been like clockwork the past decade even through 3 pregnancies).  Enter God?  Yes, I believe so.  I believe He wants this pregnancy at this time and I believe He made my cycle all wacko for His Glory in creating this baby.

So, yes, I can rejoice in the baby.  My emotions however are taking a hit.  I am depressed, lonely, sick, angry, sad, bitchy, impatient, tired, and in general, a joy to be around.  Ha.  It has been a hard couple of weeks.  I take turns feeling sorry for my children, my husband, and myself ;)  I am approximately 9 weeks along.  I am not spending time with God which is always the first area in my life to go out the door when things get rough and the last thing that should!  I just cannot seem to drag my butt out of bed in the morning.  It seems like every time I make a renewed effort to start getting up before the kids, I let things get in the way.  Autumn will quit sleeping through the night (this has happened several times), I'll get sick, or you know, pregnant :)

Anyway, that's why I've been absent.  I just have been down in the dumps.  Today, however, I am very much convicted of my "me" attitude.  I do know that what I am feeling is chemical so there's not much to do for that besides getting on medication which I haven't pursued and probably won't at this point.  This is the *exact* same way I felt when I was pregnant with Autumn.  Except that time, I really beat myself about it becaue I just thought I was the worst human being/mother/woman in the world for not being thrilled to death about my pregnancy.  See what societal pressure can do to a person?  I'm only half kidding.  I have come to realize that sometimes your emotions betray you (chemically speaking).  Know what I mean?  What I mean is I was excited about this pregnancy until all the hormones kicked in and I got sick and depressed so even though my heart finds (or found maybe I should say) joy in this situation, my hormones are messing with my mind!  And, since I've been through this before, I know it goes away and I know it doesn't indicate anything about my parenting capabilities or my love for my babies.

Ok, this is the third time I have gotten on here to finish this post in the last 3 days!  BOTH kids and my husband are sleeping so I think I can actually get it written this time. Sheesh!

I don't have much else to say except I feel like I am not embracing Caleb's babyhood.  As soon as I found out about another baby coming along, it's like I have just wanted him to grow up so quickly!  It's sad, really.  I have been mega-convicted of this as of late mostly due to these posts by these super awesome women:  Sort of Deep-ish Thoughts and Thirteen Months.  I need to remember that even though there is another baby coming (SO SOON) that Caleb will only be a baby once and I will never get these months back again.  He won't let me give him a billion kisses forever.  He won't be content sitting on my hip forever.  He won't cry for me when I leave the room forever.

Anyway, I have felt really good the past two days so maybe the worst of it is over.  With Autumn, it was like they say in all the books, one day you wake up and feel like yourself again!  Chris says he is glad he has his wife back.  Poor guy, I know I was bringing him down.

Ok, enough from me about this topic.  It is what it is, right?  Here's to feeling better real soon and having 3 children under the age of 3! Eek! That is the first time I have "said" that out loud and it is kind of a scary statement.  Prayers, people, prayers ;)

Quick update

Chris has been home and we have been busy...laying around and hanging out :)  Actually, we have been busy.  We are trying to declutter and organize our home.  As this is not either one our strong suits, it has been challenging.  But not bad challenging.  Just, you know, an area we need help in!  However, most of our downstairs looks awesome  now.  There are still a couple of problem areas (mostly boxes we haven't unpacked and our laundry room), but I feel like we are finally taking care of our home...I know, took us long enough, right?!  I guess it took two kids to realize that we MUST get better about keeping things spic and span around here (and no, I have no idea what that saying means).

I just wanted to say hi to the blog world and since I know people don't look at my blog to see me, here are a couple shots of the cutest pa-tuties ever.

Makes me want to go wake him and give him kisses :)

I promise I am not a mean person, but are crying babies cute or what?!

By far, his favorite thing to do ever!

Who sleeps like this?

My angel with her halo of gold

Since this never happens anymore, I had to get a picture of it! I miss those days (Um, just a little bit, I'm quite happy she sleeps in her own bed)

 

Nuremberg

When my mom left Germany to head back to the states, she flew out of Nuremberg so we decided to try to balance out the sadness of her leaving with a fun day trip just the four of us.  She left at 9am so that left us the rest of the day to explore and whatnot.  One of our army buddy's girlfriend was visiting from Ukraine so we invited them and hung out all day.  It was fun!  And I was so proud of the way me and Chris packed for both of the babies.  We didn't bring too much or too little.  We actually talked about what we should bring and we even packed the night before!  Ah, we are finally growing up ;)

Autumn telling her daddy to "Shhh" in the St Lorenzkirche (St. Lawrence's Church)

This is how Caleb saw Nuremberg.  Doesn't he look gigantic?!  He is only 7 months old!  He's got long lets like the rest of us.

Taken from the bridge in the middle of town.  It is a lovely smallish town.

Lunch...Autumn's getting ready to dump the sugar out.  I remember taking the picture and then yelling "NO'!  :)

Lunch actually was pretty crappy.  Not a good selection and over priced, but we tried to make the best out of it anyway!

Part of the fort I guess?  Sorry, I"m no history buff.

View from the top of the fort.

Pretty funny that Chris isn't holding either of his children in this picture!

Kaity and Autumn. I think it's pretty cute even though I have no idea what they are looking at :)

Only family portrait we got.  It's not great, but it's a memory!

There is this toy shop there called "Steiff".  I'm sure some of you have heard of it, but oh my goodness it is sooo expensive!  It must be like a badge of honor over here in Germany to own one kind of like FAO Schwartz in America.  This is the huge Steiff bear that was outside of the shop.  Of course Autumn loved it! (What 2 year old wouldn't?)

Overall, fun day, fun place!

6 Month Pictures

My baby man is getting so big!  And he is so happy most of the time.  You know, he's happy until he isn't and then he's MAD! :)  Here are his 6 month pictures and I couldn't be happier with them!

Mr. Man! 6 Months Old

I am posting this almost a month late! I wrote it before we left for Germany with every intention of posting it before we left and then I didn't.  I am getting ready to do his 7 month update and he is sooooo different!  Oh my goodness, 6-7 months was a huge leap for Caleb.  But, for now, here is what he was up to at 6 months (June 6):

Half of one year?!?  Why oh why does it go by so fast?  Now, don't get me wrong.  When he was eating 8 billion times a night and cried for no apparent reason (as only newborns can do!) I did think, "Oh, Meg, this is just a phase.  He'll be 6 months before you know it".  So, it's not like this was wholly unexpected or unwanted, but it also makes me kind of emotional to think about.  Chris has missed  so much and it honestly breaks my heart.  I know when it's all said and done and Caleb is grown up that 6 months will only be a drop in the bucket, but right now it's everything.  So, yeah, I'm emotional today!

My baby man can now roll over both ways which was this month's BIG accomplishment.  He is still working on sitting up!  I thought for sure he would have it down pat by  now.  If I was more disciplined to let him practice, maybe he would.

Sleeping
He is certainly not going to win any awards for being a great napper!  I have been trying really hard lately to get him on a regular schedule, but that boy is exceptionally unpredictable.  He naps anywhere from 40 mins to 2.5 hours.  His nights have been going better.  Lately, he's only been waking up once (at 4am) to eat between 7pm and 7am so that's a nice change of pace. .

Eating
Honestly, nursing has been hard lately.  I get so frustrated trying to figure out if something is wrong or if I'm satisfying him or why he's fussy (Did I eat something that bothers him?  Is he hungry?  Is it coming out too slow?).  I am so looking forward to starting him on solids so I can be sure he's getting enough calories.  Maybe that's totally opposite from other people.  I wish nursing was easier!  It's one of those areas that I beat myself up over like I mentioned in my failure post.  I realize that in his 5 month post, I mentioned starting him on cereal but after a couple of days, we stopped.  I am one of those people that believe it's best for baby to wait until at least 6 months and I started earlier mostly in hopes that he would sleep better and then I felt guilty and selfish so  we stopped. Autumn started when she 7 months old and Caleb will probably start when he's 6.5 months.   So, that's that.

On a fun note, Autumn & Caleb have started to really play together!  It is so SWEET!  I put them both in the pack and play sometimes (she LOVES it silly girl) and they just entertain each other for awhile.  She will "read" to him or sing or whatever.  It is just one of those things in life that will always bring a smile to my face!  She still definitely gets jealous of him at times, but she more often is sweet to him and understanding of his needs.  That will probably change as they get older, huh? ;)

What else, what else...his hair is totally goofy!  He has the best old man comb-over on a baby I have EVER seen!  Seriously, y'all, it is hilarious!  I look at his newborn pictures and his 3 month pictures and I think, "Where did all his hair go?!?".

That's about all I got.  Here's a few pictures.  He got some professional ones made that I think I will post later today or tomorrow.  I was trying to pick just one or two, but couldn't decide so I am going to put them all up in another post :)