Army life thoughts

As I am still trying to record our trip from America to Germany, this post is a fill-in.  Today I met some army wives & hung out with them.  They were very nice & helpful & talked about army life & details that I need to know.  I am thankful that they took the time to hang out with me & get to know me a little bit.  I had a good day.

But what I'm thinking is that maybe I am just not cut out for the army life.  In a way, I think that doesn't make sense because this is where God has me.  But in another way, I can't do everything well so maybe this is a temporary period in my life that will be a challenge.  I just don't like the army life.  I don't mind the hotel & I can deal with Chris being gone (not talking deployment here, I mean just gone for weekends or whatever), but I really don't like army bases.  I really don't like all the rigid structure of the army & how masculine it all feels.  I don't like how my husband has so very little freedom to do what he wants when he wants, etc.  I don't like the alcohol or the crude jokes.  I don't even like how because I am a wife (with a baby no less!) I get all this special treatment.  It makes me feel like a child. 

So maybe this isn't for me.  I mean, it is for now because it has to be, but maybe we are just supposed to do the 4-year thing & then God will take us somewhere else.  I sure hope so! Today, the girls showed me their neighborhood & I thought "this is nice housing, but I don't know that I would want to live here".  It's ALL army families.  It's like a cult or something.  I think it's a great theory-put people together that are dealing with the same things.  Great theory, but not for me.  I want my family & I want my best friends.  Am I wrong?  I want to be with people who are different than me.  I am still jet-lagged so I may be doing a poor job of explaining things, but I want diversity.  I don't want to be surrounded by friggin' army everything!!

I really miss home right now so I probably have a bad attitude.  I just wish the 3 of us could go home & settle down near our friends & family.  I want to have another baby & not worry about deployment.  I want my dog & my cat to be able to live with us.  I miss everyone so much.  Things will get better. 

Up late packing

Holy. Guacamole. 

Packing up our life.  Again.  It's like that Tim McGraw chorus "over & over again"...

When will the madness stop?????? 
I am so so lucky I am married to a man who takes responsibility for me & our baby daughter.  It is midnight fifteen here & he is packing, packing, packing.  I would help him (and I am when he asks me to) but he is by far the best packer I know.  He is fitting a lot of life into our luggage :) 

So far, army life has been major crap.  So far, it is totally not my thing.  But I remind myself that this is what God has chosen for me during this season of life so I guess it is my thing!  This is my army life as far as living situations go (as best we can tell...it may change):

1 year-ROTC
6 months-BOLC
6 months-overseas
1 year-back to the states
6 months-back overseas
6 months-captain's career course (back in the states)

Friggin' ridiculous if you ask me.  Not that anyone is or anything.  *sigh*

We are leaving very shortly to go to Europe.  I think I will like it once we get over there.  It is kind of a bummer that I will only be there for about 6 months (nothing is in stone yet).  It's like I want my life to be somewhere-either here or there.  Traveling overseas for half of a year with an infant is a DRAG!  Of course, Hubby is worth it.  OF COURSE!  I would never choose to be apart from him just for convenience sake.  I hope Baby Girl adjusts ok to the time change.  We will be uber-dependant on God those first few days with her schedule plus finding an apartment, etc. 

I am so tired that this post may not even be making sense! I will probably read it tomorrow & see how it is total gibberish :)

On another front, we are hopefully going to be getting pregnant sometime in the next year!  It is so funny because with our first we were super secretive about it & now we are announcing it to the world.  Funny how things change.  If we do get pregnant, then we would have 2 babies & I love the thought of that!  We would have a little baby & a big baby.  Baby Girl will always be my baby though!  Of course, God may have other plans for us.  Only time will tell!!

Preparing for a new adventure

Another adventure?  Really, another one?  Having a baby & moving across the country wasn't a big enough adventure for me?  Well, maybe it was & maybe it wasn't, but another one is coming fast!  Moving to Oklahoma wasn't exactly my kind of adventure anyway.  More like, forced labor :)

Now, going back to Europe is right up my alley, but even that is bittersweet for me.  All because of Baby Girl.  Oh, sweet sweet baby girl.  I am excited to go back to Europe.  I have missed it terribly.  Living in Europe is not like living anywhere in America... well, I haven't lived everywhere in America or anything, but it wasn't like living anywhere I had lived.  Living overseas changes you and challenges you in ways that living at home cannot.  That's not to say that God doesn't change and challenge you in other ways if you don't live overseas because of course He does.  He obviously has a special plan for everyone & they are all different!  All that to say that He used my time in Europe intensely.  It was such a purifying time because I had no "comforts".  I had hot water & food & those comforts but I didn't have my mom or my church or my best friends (although at the end of 2 years I had made several new best friends!) so I had to depend on God alone or perish.  It was HARD-make no mistake about that.  I cried a lot, but it made me a stronger woman and a stronger Christian.

Going back this time will be different.  I am not going soley to do ministry (but I hope I manage to do some anyway).  I am going with my family (Hubby & Baby Girl) so I won't be alone.  So, I wonder if God will use my time in Europe again.  I can't imagine He will use it as much, but I know that He could if He chose to do that.  I feel that I am once again a weak Christian so maybe He will use it to make me strong again like He did before.  I would like that even if it meant hard times again.

Anyway, onto the bitter part. Baby Girl.  Any good parent wants the best for their babies.  I try to give Baby Girl the best.  Not the latest or greatest gadget, but what I believe to be the best.  Love, boundaries, safety, assurance, freedom to be herself, guidance, etc.  I left one thing off that list: family.  I want her to know her family.  I want her to know her grandparents & cousins & her aunts & uncles.  I do mean biological family, but I also mean family in the sense of people who are sometimes closer than a blood family.  Are you following?  I have some BEST friends who I would die for without thinking & I want Baby Girl to know them as much as she knows my sister or Hubby's 'brother' J.   I want her to grow up knowing these "aunts" & their children, her "cousins".  She won't call them that of course, but I plan on being involved with these people until I leave this earth, so I hope that she comes to love them as I love them, as family.  I may not have money & I may not have a great fashion sense, but God has blessed me abundantly with AMAZING best friends.  Between me & Hubby, we also have a pretty amazing family...biologically speaking I mean :)

Wow-I am really carrying on today! All THAT to say the bitter part is leaving our family behind.  Not for us because we have long memories & we know 2 years is not forever, but for Baby Girl who will no longer be a baby when we live in the states again.  Baby Girl who will not recognize her "aunts" when she's sees them in person.  It makes me want to cry knowing that she won't know the awesomeness that is Aunt Fancy or "cousin" I or her biological cousins B & O.  And, her grandparents.  Skype is a wonderful thing & I have high high hopes that she will recognize her grandparents when she sees them in the flesh.  But she wont know what they smell like or how their arms feel holding her.  She wont know that she has a special place in their homes that's just for her.  She wont know the dogs that go along with the people!

Sad, huh?  Sad, but temporary.  I find peace in knowing that 2-year-olds don't have great memories so when she is 12 she won't know that she didn't know her family when she was 2.  Confused yet?  Re-read it, you'll get it :)

In other news, Baby Girl is sleeping through the night & smiling all the time!! What a happy baby who brings MUCH joy to my life! 

I still can't wait to have more.  I want more, like, stat!  I get excited just thinking about it.  Maybe I'll even have twins! I would love that...I think ;)  Hubby is ready for more also.  I am making myself wait until Baby Girl turns one.  It's taking forever!! Haha, just kidding.  I am enjoying the ride for now.

The Haps

Weeeeeeeell, not much has been going on lately. 

I still want to have another baby really bad.  One of my BFF's is pregnant & wouldn't it be great to be pregnant with her?  (Maybe not the best reason to get pregnant, but still).  One of my other friends just brought home twin girls & I am green with envy.  (Really, ask Hubby).  However, last night I laid in bed at 11pm & tried to imagine those first few days when you get no sleep & I was thankful that Baby Girl is sleeping better...although STILL not sleeping thru the night!  I guess she'll figure it out eventually.  She sleeps thru the night anywhere from 2-4 times a week.
As far as getting pregnant, me & Hubby discussed it 2 nights ago & figured out different scenerios & we have decided that unless God deems otherwise we are going to wait.  Mostly, because if I got pregnant now, the baby would be born in Germany & we would rather wait until we are back in the states (well, me at least.  Hubby will probably be deployed somewhere.  *sniffle*).

Last night we had a meat salesman stop by at our house.  Seriously.  Even more random, we bought $85 worth of meat!  It's a lot of steaks though for about $3 a pop.  Hope it tastes good!  I didn't even know door to door salespeople even existed still.  Kids, sure...but like adults trying to make a living, I thought those professions had died out.  But, what do I know? 

My goals are going pretty good.  I am definitely reading more to Baby Girl.  I finished my Bible Study scrapbook.  I am not doing so hot with the non-fiction & reading news articles, but I am still trying.  Working out is kind of hit or miss week to week.  I will say my stomach is starting to shrink so I must be doing something right.  I can fit into all of my jeans, but a couple of them look painted on :)  Hubby likes those ;)

My sis came & visited us which was fun. 

Yeah, that's about all!  Like I said, not much happening :) 
Now, if you were interested in what is going on in the literary world, we could probably talk for hours! 

August Goals

I like 'em.  I'm a goal kinda girl.  And, this month, I've got lots. 
But I'm excited to try to attack them & make them submit :)  Some of my daily goals are....

1.) To read a Yahoo News Article every day.  Just one a day.  No biggie.  Problem is that I am not into the news.  Which isn't a problem for everyone, but it is for me.  Because I want to know what's going on in my country & around the world.  I think it's important.  I want to be able to hear an Obama speech & know what the heck he's talking about.  So one news article a day for now.  For August at least...

2.) To make my bed. Every day. Pretty self-explanatory I think.

3.) To take 20 mins every day to read non-fiction.  You see, there are lots of non-fiction books I want to read (books like...You on a Diet, Becoming Babywise, Super Baby Food).  I'm really good at buying them, but not so good at reading them.  I am making progress...just not the progress I want.  And, no time is not an issue.  I read 13 fiction books this month.  No joke.  13.  I counted them.

4.) To spend some intimate time with God each day.  Not massive amounts, just some.  Shouldn't be too hard.  Shouldn't being the key phrase here.

5.) To read to Baby Girl 20  mins a day.  I cannot tell you how many articles I have read that emphasize the importance of reading to your baby.  I really really really want this one to happen.  The roadblock with this one is that baby books are just boring.  But I guess I better get over it since I will be reading them for a long long time.  I dont know any kids that read James Patterson :)

Then I have a couple of weekly goals...

1.) Exercise 3x a week.  Right now, I am getting in 1-2 workouts.  Time to step it up!!

2.) Scrapbook 2hours a week.  2 hours a week!! That's nothing! I mean, come on!  I am ridiculous.  There are several scrapbooks waiting on me.  My bible study scrapbook (50% finished), my STINT scrapbook from 2006 (75% finished), my army scrapbook (haven't started yet), mmm...that's it I think.  And, NO, I am not going to start a scrapbook for Baby Girl.  An 18-year project?? No thank you.  You did see where I haven't finished the one from 2006, right?  I try not to make unrealistic goals, so Baby Girl is only getting a photo album.  If I ever have copious amounts of time & creativity, I'll scrapbook her life then.

All that's left is cleaning goals which I wont bore you with.  Here's to a productive August!!

*A derogatory comment about Hugh Hefner has been removed (in case you saw some of the comments reference it).  I removed it because God told me to :)