Another adventure? Really, another one? Having a baby & moving across the country wasn't a big enough adventure for me? Well, maybe it was & maybe it wasn't, but another one is coming fast! Moving to Oklahoma wasn't exactly my kind of adventure anyway. More like, forced labor :)
Now, going back to Europe is right up my alley, but even that is bittersweet for me. All because of Baby Girl. Oh, sweet sweet baby girl. I am excited to go back to Europe. I have missed it terribly. Living in Europe is not like living anywhere in America... well, I haven't lived everywhere in America or anything, but it wasn't like living anywhere I had lived. Living overseas changes you and challenges you in ways that living at home cannot. That's not to say that God doesn't change and challenge you in other ways if you don't live overseas because of course He does. He obviously has a special plan for everyone & they are all different! All that to say that He used my time in Europe intensely. It was such a purifying time because I had no "comforts". I had hot water & food & those comforts but I didn't have my mom or my church or my best friends (although at the end of 2 years I had made several new best friends!) so I had to depend on God alone or perish. It was HARD-make no mistake about that. I cried a lot, but it made me a stronger woman and a stronger Christian.
Going back this time will be different. I am not going soley to do ministry (but I hope I manage to do some anyway). I am going with my family (Hubby & Baby Girl) so I won't be alone. So, I wonder if God will use my time in Europe again. I can't imagine He will use it as much, but I know that He could if He chose to do that. I feel that I am once again a weak Christian so maybe He will use it to make me strong again like He did before. I would like that even if it meant hard times again.
Anyway, onto the bitter part. Baby Girl. Any good parent wants the best for their babies. I try to give Baby Girl the best. Not the latest or greatest gadget, but what I believe to be the best. Love, boundaries, safety, assurance, freedom to be herself, guidance, etc. I left one thing off that list: family. I want her to know her family. I want her to know her grandparents & cousins & her aunts & uncles. I do mean biological family, but I also mean family in the sense of people who are sometimes closer than a blood family. Are you following? I have some BEST friends who I would die for without thinking & I want Baby Girl to know them as much as she knows my sister or Hubby's 'brother' J. I want her to grow up knowing these "aunts" & their children, her "cousins". She won't call them that of course, but I plan on being involved with these people until I leave this earth, so I hope that she comes to love them as I love them, as family. I may not have money & I may not have a great fashion sense, but God has blessed me abundantly with AMAZING best friends. Between me & Hubby, we also have a pretty amazing family...biologically speaking I mean :)
Wow-I am really carrying on today! All THAT to say the bitter part is leaving our family behind. Not for us because we have long memories & we know 2 years is not forever, but for Baby Girl who will no longer be a baby when we live in the states again. Baby Girl who will not recognize her "aunts" when she's sees them in person. It makes me want to cry knowing that she won't know the awesomeness that is Aunt Fancy or "cousin" I or her biological cousins B & O. And, her grandparents. Skype is a wonderful thing & I have high high hopes that she will recognize her grandparents when she sees them in the flesh. But she wont know what they smell like or how their arms feel holding her. She wont know that she has a special place in their homes that's just for her. She wont know the dogs that go along with the people!
Sad, huh? Sad, but temporary. I find peace in knowing that 2-year-olds don't have great memories so when she is 12 she won't know that she didn't know her family when she was 2. Confused yet? Re-read it, you'll get it :)
In other news, Baby Girl is sleeping through the night & smiling all the time!! What a happy baby who brings MUCH joy to my life!
I still can't wait to have more. I want more, like, stat! I get excited just thinking about it. Maybe I'll even have twins! I would love that...I think ;) Hubby is ready for more also. I am making myself wait until Baby Girl turns one. It's taking forever!! Haha, just kidding. I am enjoying the ride for now.