OK, so firstly, I am feeling better. So no one else cry about my last blog! Although there are rarely comments on here, I know people read this thing because multiple peeps told me how bad they felt after my last blog!
Secondly, I was out exploring other blogs & man, there are some really cool apps you can put on your blog that I don't know how to do! I was looking for army wife blogs so I can feel that my life is what at least some people call "normal" & I found lots of awesome blogs! All of them kick my blogs butt though. I thought I did OK on computers. Wrong. I suck. It is really good for me to read other army wives blogs since I am in army wife that hasn't entered the army world yet, but has pretty much left the civilian world. So, I am surrounded by people that I LOVE but whose lives are going in really different directions than mine is & sometimes that's hard. It is so refreshing to read about people whose husbands leave them for a week here or a month here & who have no control of where they are going to live. Stuff like that. Army stuff.
Thirdly, I am determined to improve my blog. But I know nothing! I don't know how to make a button or even cross out a word that I just wrote to insert another one (only if you read a lot of blogs will you know what I am talking about!) Somehow I will learn. I think you can look up just about anything on google. At least that's what my friend Stacey tells me :)
Fourthly, it is 1:30pm & I am still in my PJ's & have not eaten anything since my bowl of cereal for breakfast. I am so enthralled with all these awesome blogs I can't tear myself away. Facebook, Smashebook, give me blogs anyday!
Friday, March 19, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
I wonder if I am going to cry every day until this baby is born. Maybe I'll just cry everyday until Hubby leaves, but I hardly think that him leaving will help. It's just that many of my tears are from thoughts of him not being here & maybe once he's actually gone, I'll see that I'm ok. I don't know. So many of my other tears are from thoughts of leaving behind all I know. I don't want to leave behind my Bible study. They are going to all grow old without me. I don't want to leave behind family. I don't want to leave behind our life here. I'm happy here.
All my best friends (well...almost all of them) came up yesterday for a luncheon so I could see them one last time & now they are gone & I wonder when I will see them again. Someday, right?
I just think how nice it must be to have a baby & get to set up a nursery with your husband & have him take time off work to be with you. Saying good-bye is hard enough, but take away my husband & put me through labor & I think I might die. I'm being dramatic, of course, but it feels that way at times. There are lots of people who go through such harder things, but for some reason it's easier for me to think of those women who have nothing but joy in expecting a baby & who get to keep their husbands to themselves. I shouldn't think of those women because it makes me feel bad, it's just hard not to.
I get all these cute clothes for Baby Girl & I have to pack them all up in boxes for the movers. Everything we buy her has to stay in a box until Oklahoma (except her carseat of course). She has no nursery, no special baby room just for herself. She WILL get it...in Oklahoma. She will get it when she is 3-4 weeks old. & I am happy we can give it to her, I am thankful that we have money & family to put together a nursery & to dress her in cute clothes. I just wish she could have it now kind of. It's just stuff, I know.
I think all of this wouldn't matter to me if Hubby could stay with me. If he could stay here, everything would be ok. But my husband is not my substinence, my husband is not my refuge. At least he shouldn't be those things. Jesus Christ should be what gets me through hard times, not my husband. I know. It's so hard. I can't get that truth in my heart. It's in my head that Christ is all things & will take care of me, but in my heart, I need my husband. I don't know how I'm going to make it without crying all the time. I have to say good-bye to everyone alone. So does he. I wish we could say good-bye to our friends & family & then leave for Oklahoma together. Sad, but together. Sad & alone is so much worse.
I have learned that all the theories in the world don't amount to crap in real life. It's a nice theory that being apart from him for only 3 weeks will fly by. Total crap. It's a nice theory that I will miss him so much that saying good-bye to people here won't be hard. Total crap. It's a nice theory that waiting to be settled with your newborn for 3 weeks is not that long. Total crap. It's a nice theory that having family & friends & your own doctor & your own hospital balances out the negative of not being with your husband for the last month of pregnancy & the first 2 weeks of your daughter's life. Total crap. I wonder if we made the right decision. I'm so scared. I think I would trade every "comfortable" aspect in Huntington to be in Oklahoma with my husband. All those things about Oklahoma that seemed so horrible 8 months ago (No visitors at the hospital! Not knowing my OB! A hospital I've never been to! No grandparents in the waiting room! No one oohing & awing over my baby!) don't seem nearly as horrible as being apart from my other half. I know I won't die, but this might be the hardest thing I've ever done.
All my best friends (well...almost all of them) came up yesterday for a luncheon so I could see them one last time & now they are gone & I wonder when I will see them again. Someday, right?
I just think how nice it must be to have a baby & get to set up a nursery with your husband & have him take time off work to be with you. Saying good-bye is hard enough, but take away my husband & put me through labor & I think I might die. I'm being dramatic, of course, but it feels that way at times. There are lots of people who go through such harder things, but for some reason it's easier for me to think of those women who have nothing but joy in expecting a baby & who get to keep their husbands to themselves. I shouldn't think of those women because it makes me feel bad, it's just hard not to.
I get all these cute clothes for Baby Girl & I have to pack them all up in boxes for the movers. Everything we buy her has to stay in a box until Oklahoma (except her carseat of course). She has no nursery, no special baby room just for herself. She WILL get it...in Oklahoma. She will get it when she is 3-4 weeks old. & I am happy we can give it to her, I am thankful that we have money & family to put together a nursery & to dress her in cute clothes. I just wish she could have it now kind of. It's just stuff, I know.
I think all of this wouldn't matter to me if Hubby could stay with me. If he could stay here, everything would be ok. But my husband is not my substinence, my husband is not my refuge. At least he shouldn't be those things. Jesus Christ should be what gets me through hard times, not my husband. I know. It's so hard. I can't get that truth in my heart. It's in my head that Christ is all things & will take care of me, but in my heart, I need my husband. I don't know how I'm going to make it without crying all the time. I have to say good-bye to everyone alone. So does he. I wish we could say good-bye to our friends & family & then leave for Oklahoma together. Sad, but together. Sad & alone is so much worse.
I have learned that all the theories in the world don't amount to crap in real life. It's a nice theory that being apart from him for only 3 weeks will fly by. Total crap. It's a nice theory that I will miss him so much that saying good-bye to people here won't be hard. Total crap. It's a nice theory that waiting to be settled with your newborn for 3 weeks is not that long. Total crap. It's a nice theory that having family & friends & your own doctor & your own hospital balances out the negative of not being with your husband for the last month of pregnancy & the first 2 weeks of your daughter's life. Total crap. I wonder if we made the right decision. I'm so scared. I think I would trade every "comfortable" aspect in Huntington to be in Oklahoma with my husband. All those things about Oklahoma that seemed so horrible 8 months ago (No visitors at the hospital! Not knowing my OB! A hospital I've never been to! No grandparents in the waiting room! No one oohing & awing over my baby!) don't seem nearly as horrible as being apart from my other half. I know I won't die, but this might be the hardest thing I've ever done.
Thursday, March 04, 2010
Up with the sun, as usual :)
Both of the babies are sleeping. (Babies being baby cat Phoenix & baby dog Bella). Actually, I think baby in my belly is also sleeping. For once ;-)
I'm done with work now & it has been ok. It is nice to not have to go, of course, but I get kind of bored. It's funny-the other day there was this thing on TV that said "If you wait until you don't have anything to do, that won't ever happen in this day & age". I looked at Hubby & laughed because we both know that I have to MAKE myself get up & do things. I have nothing to do pretty much all day long. I am told I should appreciate it now because we're gonna have a baby soon & then everything changes.
It is amazing how few people say "everything changes for the good". Once you get pregnant, 90% what you hear about is all the negative things a baby brings. It used to really piss me off, but I've come to realize that the people who do nothing but complain about their children also have nothing nice to say about their spouses either or their job, so I am left with the conclusion that the problem lies with them & not their situation. I am quite content with my life-my husband, my job, my tiny apartment...so I assume I will be content with my daughter too. I'm not saying motherhood will be easy, but I have found very few things in life are easy (except my job, that was pretty easy peasy). I think Baby Girl will be more of a blessing than a drag no matter what anyone says. I ain't scared :)
Well, almost time for the Today Show. I actually have plans after lunch today! I'm excited. Me & my friend Kristin are running around the mall making returns & hanging out. Yay for good friends who will go with you to make your returns :)
Look forward to this warm weekend!
Both of the babies are sleeping. (Babies being baby cat Phoenix & baby dog Bella). Actually, I think baby in my belly is also sleeping. For once ;-)
I'm done with work now & it has been ok. It is nice to not have to go, of course, but I get kind of bored. It's funny-the other day there was this thing on TV that said "If you wait until you don't have anything to do, that won't ever happen in this day & age". I looked at Hubby & laughed because we both know that I have to MAKE myself get up & do things. I have nothing to do pretty much all day long. I am told I should appreciate it now because we're gonna have a baby soon & then everything changes.
It is amazing how few people say "everything changes for the good". Once you get pregnant, 90% what you hear about is all the negative things a baby brings. It used to really piss me off, but I've come to realize that the people who do nothing but complain about their children also have nothing nice to say about their spouses either or their job, so I am left with the conclusion that the problem lies with them & not their situation. I am quite content with my life-my husband, my job, my tiny apartment...so I assume I will be content with my daughter too. I'm not saying motherhood will be easy, but I have found very few things in life are easy (except my job, that was pretty easy peasy). I think Baby Girl will be more of a blessing than a drag no matter what anyone says. I ain't scared :)
Well, almost time for the Today Show. I actually have plans after lunch today! I'm excited. Me & my friend Kristin are running around the mall making returns & hanging out. Yay for good friends who will go with you to make your returns :)
Look forward to this warm weekend!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
ba-zillion and ba-zillon details in my head
wow. who would have thought that getting pregnant, moving your husband across the country 3 weeks before you have a baby, & then moving yourself & that baby 2 weeks after she is born would be so stressful? :)
yes, I stay stressed. You know that feeling when you have too much to do in too little time? I have that feeling 24/7. THIS is very unusual for me. I am quite skilled at escaping reality most of the time. Not getting things done is kinda my thing...I just always figured life was worth more than worrying about everything & anything. But, I'm quickly realizing to seize responsibility or my life will be a wreck come April.
My husband leaves town for Oklahoma the end of March. When he leaves, he is taking just about everything we own with him. I will have a TV, a couch, a pot, a pan, the dog, & that's about it. Maybe I'll get to keep the microwave too...we'll have to see about that one. Baby Girl will hopefully be born on April 16th & Hubby will get a 4-day leave April 15-18th. I will stay in Hton for 2 weeks & then I'm off to Oklahoma myself. That's enough to stress anyone out right? Well, add working full-time, figuring out the best travel system, the best high chair, the best baby moniter, etc, spending time with everyone we love in a 300 mile radius, Hubby trying to write a Master's thesis, & having a big fat heavy belly making my back hurt & waking me up with heart burn 3 nights a week or so. OK, I'll stop. :)
But you see my point. I stay stressed. In church this morning there was that song that I love by Matt Redman that came from the book of Job. There is a part that goes "You give & take away, my heart will choose to say 'Blessed be the name of the Lord' ". So I feel like God is about to take all this stuff I love away. Stuff like family, stuff like my awesome amazing Bible study that I could not have stayed true to the Lord without, stuff like our wonderful apartment, & my great job. He gave it all to me & now He's going to take it away. So I have to CHOOSE to continue to praise Him & to say "Blessed be the name of the Lord". I want to. Not sure that I can, but I do want to. Of course, what God takes away I hope He will replace. Like, I am going to have a daughter. A beautiful daughter. Hubby & I are finally financially stable (thank you U.S. Army!). My husband is not being deployed...not yet at least. But for now, he's mine & he is staying with me. I may be leaving people I love, but I will still be loved. That is certainly a blessing.
So God is good in times of plenty & times of want. In times of sunshine & in times of pain. I won't act like I want to go to Oklahoma because I don't. But I do have hope that God will go with me. He will meet my needs & He will provide abundantly as He always has if I let Him. & I AM going to try to let Him :)
yes, I stay stressed. You know that feeling when you have too much to do in too little time? I have that feeling 24/7. THIS is very unusual for me. I am quite skilled at escaping reality most of the time. Not getting things done is kinda my thing...I just always figured life was worth more than worrying about everything & anything. But, I'm quickly realizing to seize responsibility or my life will be a wreck come April.
My husband leaves town for Oklahoma the end of March. When he leaves, he is taking just about everything we own with him. I will have a TV, a couch, a pot, a pan, the dog, & that's about it. Maybe I'll get to keep the microwave too...we'll have to see about that one. Baby Girl will hopefully be born on April 16th & Hubby will get a 4-day leave April 15-18th. I will stay in Hton for 2 weeks & then I'm off to Oklahoma myself. That's enough to stress anyone out right? Well, add working full-time, figuring out the best travel system, the best high chair, the best baby moniter, etc, spending time with everyone we love in a 300 mile radius, Hubby trying to write a Master's thesis, & having a big fat heavy belly making my back hurt & waking me up with heart burn 3 nights a week or so. OK, I'll stop. :)
But you see my point. I stay stressed. In church this morning there was that song that I love by Matt Redman that came from the book of Job. There is a part that goes "You give & take away, my heart will choose to say 'Blessed be the name of the Lord' ". So I feel like God is about to take all this stuff I love away. Stuff like family, stuff like my awesome amazing Bible study that I could not have stayed true to the Lord without, stuff like our wonderful apartment, & my great job. He gave it all to me & now He's going to take it away. So I have to CHOOSE to continue to praise Him & to say "Blessed be the name of the Lord". I want to. Not sure that I can, but I do want to. Of course, what God takes away I hope He will replace. Like, I am going to have a daughter. A beautiful daughter. Hubby & I are finally financially stable (thank you U.S. Army!). My husband is not being deployed...not yet at least. But for now, he's mine & he is staying with me. I may be leaving people I love, but I will still be loved. That is certainly a blessing.
So God is good in times of plenty & times of want. In times of sunshine & in times of pain. I won't act like I want to go to Oklahoma because I don't. But I do have hope that God will go with me. He will meet my needs & He will provide abundantly as He always has if I let Him. & I AM going to try to let Him :)
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
New Moon Premiere
I have SO much catching up to do! I just can't do it. Sorry.
Basically, we're pregnant, moving to Oklahoma in April/May until August, & then moving to only God knows where right now :) But I promise to keep you updated.
So, instead of trying to catch you up, I thought I would just post pictures from the New Moon Premiere, which was so FUN! I went with St. Mary's girls & really had a blast. I didn't get home until 3AM & wasn't even tired! I was, however, quite sleepy the next day :)
Oh yeah-I run with werewolves. Much more manly than pasty creatures who feast on animal blood. & I'm pretty convinced that if my man were a monster, he would definitely be a werewolf. (But I'm glad he's just human-plain humans are the best really)
Me, Dee, Margo, Kelly, Tiffany
Tiffany, Mary
Nick Megan Ashley
The Team Jacob's unite!! Betty, me, Margo. We were WAY outnumbered! Very few people have taste these days ;)
I think I love Dawn even more than I already did because of her face in this picture :)
See how close we were to the front of the line? That's dedication.
The whole gang! LOVE these girls!
Basically, we're pregnant, moving to Oklahoma in April/May until August, & then moving to only God knows where right now :) But I promise to keep you updated.
So, instead of trying to catch you up, I thought I would just post pictures from the New Moon Premiere, which was so FUN! I went with St. Mary's girls & really had a blast. I didn't get home until 3AM & wasn't even tired! I was, however, quite sleepy the next day :)
Oh yeah-I run with werewolves. Much more manly than pasty creatures who feast on animal blood. & I'm pretty convinced that if my man were a monster, he would definitely be a werewolf. (But I'm glad he's just human-plain humans are the best really)
Me, Dee, Margo, Kelly, Tiffany
Tiffany, Mary
Nick Megan Ashley
The Team Jacob's unite!! Betty, me, Margo. We were WAY outnumbered! Very few people have taste these days ;)
I think I love Dawn even more than I already did because of her face in this picture :)
See how close we were to the front of the line? That's dedication.
The whole gang! LOVE these girls!
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