Anyway, Chris and Autumn were playing on different toys and I was sitting with Caleb. I had brought my to-go coffee and it felt very fall-ish outside. Autumn and Caleb both were wearing their adorable knit hats. With my baby boy on my lap while watching Chris and Autumn play, I realized something.
I was happy. This may happen every day for some of you, but I have been struggling so much lately with life that I almost started crying tears of joy. It has been so long since I felt such peace and contentment. It was a gift from God. I have gotten up to spend time with God the last two mornings and I have every confidence that it is helping my crazy emotions.
Chris and Autumn played for awhile and then we all went over the small lake to watch the ducks and there was a beautiful swan hanging out. Autumn had never seen a swan before. We were both surprised by how big it was! Chris took Caleb for awhile and all 4 of us walked around the lake and enjoyed the cool weather.
Then something else awesome happened. I was holding Caleb again while Chris pushed Autumn on the swings one more time. I was just enjoying Caleb in his sweet, sleepy state and for the first time since he was born, I didn't want him to get any bigger. This was a sweet moment for me. As previously mentioned, I have been struggling with depression (such a heavy word! I guess I could say struggling with feeling blue) for most of his life. This has caused me not to appreciate the hard stages of newborn and infant babies. Today I appreciated exactly who he was right now. He deserves that from me every day. He is such a precious gift from God that I am so not worthy of receiving.
Today I am overwhelmed by God's grace in my life.