meg vs. the volcano

it is so amazing how god is so personal with every single human being on the planet. i was reading about this volcano (mount merapi) in indonesia & this woman said "merapi appears angry". i don't know the exact context of her comment nor what she was implying by it, but it made me think of people who see creation as some sort of god or something that they can appease. & of course volcanologists will tell you all the complexities that go into a volocanic eruption-the gas & the heat & the craters or whatever else there is to know. some people would contribute the eruption to no less than the very hand of god. none of us can know why the volcano erupted & none of us can prove our theories, but then there is god. god who knows every single indonesian fleeing from the anger of mount merapi. & what is even more spectacular is that he has a specific plan for every single life. i absolutely cannnot fathom this. i think "i know god". i think "god knows me & loves me so much". of course those thoughts are true, but i tend to put god in this meg-box where he is consumed with pursuing me or blessing me or teaching me, not all those indonesians & not even those people who live down the block from me. god is not just amazing & lovely to me, but to so many people! god is just as close (& defninitely a lot closer in many cases) to thousands or millions of other people & when god says he loves everyone, he means it. he loves people with a raging love & i don't even know they exist. he does SO MUCH outside of what he does in & through me. it is not god who is consumed with my life, but me! god is consumed with mankind, not meg! & yet, he does love me with a raging love. he does pursue me every minute of every day. he does think of me often & rejoice with me & mourn with me & cry with me & laugh with me. god is beyond comprehension, don't ya think?

My Abby

THIS is my sweet Abby. She died Friday night while everyone was sleeping. Mama came downstairs & found the old Abby again-before she got sick, before she couldn't breathe well, before she couldn't walk. She looked so peaceful that it had to be death. Abby was such a SWEET creature. She is like one of those people who love everyone they meet which makes you love them but then you realize that although they love everyone, they love you more & it makes you feel so blessed. I know some of y'all think that I am a hopeless sap who gets too attached to inferior creatures...but really, shame on you for not loving animals. Abby did know how to love. Whatever you think love is-whether it's words or gifts or sex or marriage or sacrifice, whatever LOVE is, Abby possesed it. I wish you all could have met her. Buzzie buried her under our willow tree. I know that the things we love don't last forever but I do wish I could have told her good-bye. I wish I could have laid down beside her one last time on our dirty wood floor & just hugged her. She was by no means a smart girl or a beautiful girl, but she was mine & I miss her.

pictures

Meg, Adriana, Ivana, Lisa, Jana, Morgan
(On bottom: Janka & Bethany)

















Gabi & Stace



Milking a cow in Salzburg with Courtney

















Veronika & Dara with mom & dad :-)




































May I present...Princess Andrea




















Silly, silly girls



In beautiful Spain with beautiful Amber



sorry Dara!
I couldn't resist ;-)

MODG-PODG

recent thoughts, journal entries, whatnot...

weird weird night. ok, not so weird as something else, but not sure what...i hold my heart in my balled up fist & then set it down with my keys... there will always be something luring my heart into pain...sometimes i love my life. i love candles. i love the way they flicker & shine. i love coffee first thing in the morning. i love cats. i know it is so not cool to love cats, but i love cats. & i think people singing to god is the most beautiful sound ever. i love calendars in january when the year is brand new & anything could happen. i love new books & i love old books. i love the way it feels to hold a pen & write out your soul. i love kind people. i love unselfishness. & i love yellow flowers...why do i write? i write because what is inside threatens to take over. i write because i do not understand nor comprehend what goes on inside my heart...feel acutely bad. it's one of those bads where it's in your face, every corner you turn, every word you say. it's a heavy covering on your heart or your mind & it wont go away...i want your intimacy. i will pound on the doors of heaven to get it & i will not give up until i do...what is it that causes lonliness? i believe it might be separation from god. lack of jesus in my very soul where my heart is most alive...i hate my flesh & my sin. i breed it & it swells & seeps out of my pores & then i wipe it on people & then we are both stained with my sin...my love, think of me & remember what we are... thank you jesus for making me beautiful to the one who matters...lord, you are something else entirely...i am eternally intertwined with my maker & i am eternally his.

oh, rain!

yes, it's raining in my home. it's raining where i work & it's raining where i play. košice-the city of eternal snow & now eternal rain. i actually love the rain most of the time, but maybe i am getting a little tiny bit tired of it. the sun would be most welcomed by most creatures. it was sunny for a moment, but then came the rain. there are worms on the street (ew) & ants in the bathroom (they are actually kind of cute).

rain reflections:
oh, sweet spring rain, bringing life to the nature
landing on leaves & everything else there ever was
making my curls unable to control themselves &
making my teammates a little ornary ;-)
but, rain, you are good
what would life be without rain??
you bring life
you bring restoration
you make dry things not dry
& dead things not dead
i cannot help myself-i love you rain!
i will always be your biggest fan
:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)