I took Autumn to her preschool class for the last time this morning. No, she's not old enough to be moving on. No, I'm not changing preschools due to preference. It may not be the last time she ever attends preschool, but it will be the last time she attends this particular preschool. Because we're moving. Again.
One would think that moving gets easier. That saying goodbye gets simpler. That leaving memories behind becomes less painful. That is simply and absolutely not the case. I don't want to leave my life here. More importantly, I don't want to leave Autumn's life here. She has grandparents here (all 5 are within 300 miles). She has friends here. I didn't know 2 year olds had friends, but she does and she has so much fun with them. She has a church here (and a preschool). My parents have the most beautiful backyard in the world and we play in it every single day. I don't want to go. I want my husband to come here, not me and the kids go there.
But that's not how it works. My husband and I don't sit down and have a discussion about if and when and where we should move. We don't discuss if it's best for our marriage or best for our children. We are told and we obey. And it is really hard.
I read other's army wives blogs and by and far they are happy, positive, "fun" blogs about being proud of their husband and trusting God. Which is all good and well and I appreciate people taking hard and negative things and giving God glory in the darkness. But it does make me wonder if they think it's hard too? Of course, everyone thinks deployment is hard. That is a given. But what about the constant upheaval? What about never being able to lay down roots? Autumn is two and this will be her fourth move. That is not normal, even among army peeps, and I wonder if the normal "move every 3 years" plan is easier.
Our future looks like our past. 6-7 months in Germany, 6-7 months is Arizona, and then, and then, we get stationed somewhere for 2-3 years and I am so looking forward to that! I don't want to speed up time or anything, but I am SO LOOKING FORWARD to August 2013!! :) My family hasn't lived anywhere longer than 11 months since March 2010 (6 months in Oklahoma, 7 months in Germany, 11 months in Tennessee).
So, I'm kind of sad today, but in times like this, I think it helps to remember that my final home is not on earth. I am a child of God, a co-heir to Jesus Christ and my home, my stability, my "roots" are in Heaven. Not in Tennessee, West Virginia, or Kentucky. A house is just a house, just brick and mortar. And one day I'll have the permanent dwelling place my heart longs for and it will be perfect.
Showing posts with label Moving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Moving. Show all posts
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
The Loooooong Trip Over-Part Two
See Part One here
Ok, to finish off the trip...
After United guy ditches us, we go to the Customer Service desk which turned out to be zero help! "Sorry, United is not answering the phone, there is nothing I can do". SO we decide to check into a hotel and come back in the morning. I mean, what else can we do?
18:30-Go see hotel guy at airport who is very friendly and helpful. Hooks us up with a Holiday Inn Express. Gives us directions and a pamphlet.
19:00-Off to find hotel! I decide to just do exactly what the hotel guy says direction-wise...which get us lost. Then I decide to actually look at the pamphlet and see that hotel guy left out one piece of information in his directions. So we back track, fix the mistake and arrive at the hotel.
19:30-We arrive at a 4-star Holiday Inn and what we booked was the 3-star Holiday Inn Express! YES, the hotel guy gave us the WRONG directions and the WRONG pamphlet. Holy cow. We try to just stay there except when you book through the airport they charge you 8 Euros and that is non-refundable plus we had already paid 33% of the other hotel (yes, also non-refundable). Can we PLEASE arrive in America and never ever leave?
20:00-So, back to the airport and back to the hotel guy to get correct directions. Which we do.
20:45-Finally, arrive at the correct 3-star hotel. Eat expensive frozen pizza and drink overcharged cola. Crash.
Saturday:
7:00-Get up, shower, eat
8:30-Head to airport.
9:30-Arrive at airport, wait in line, find out that we can come back to try to catch a plane via stand-by, but since we don't have our stuff, it's going to be hard to go back to the hotel and get our stuff and still make the plane. But we sure are going to try! We have to be back by 11:25 at the latest.
10:15-Back at hotel. Rush around, pack, blah, blah, blah. We went ahead and checked out because we had booked two nights in case they were full, but were very optimistic that we would catch a flight. Guess what? When you book through the airport, you can't check out early! Well, you can, but you have to pay for every night you requested. So we got to pay for a night in a hotel we didn't use!! Oh, Europe, your customer service skills are wearing me out.
11:15-Arrive at airport! We made it! Yay!!!
12:25-Sitting on a plane, sitting on a plane (just sing that phrase in your head over and over and you can imagine how happy we were)
8 laters later with a time change, we arrive at the DC airport. It's like 13:30 or something local time. Our next flight was booked for 22:30, but turns out there is a flight that leaves from DC to WV (our destination) at 15:00 or something, but guess what? Because we were assigned the 22:30 flight, we cant switch! America, you disappoint me.
Anyway, we killed 8 hours on a plane with a toddler, then 8 hours in an airport with a toddler, then a short 1 hour flight and then fianlly arrived in WV to visit Hubby's family. We survived and she actually did quite awesome considering what we put her through. Kids are so amazing!
All in all, it sucked, but it was just a trip and I've certainly dealt with worse! But, I'll tell you one thing, I aint flying United again unless I have to!
Ok, to finish off the trip...
After United guy ditches us, we go to the Customer Service desk which turned out to be zero help! "Sorry, United is not answering the phone, there is nothing I can do". SO we decide to check into a hotel and come back in the morning. I mean, what else can we do?
18:30-Go see hotel guy at airport who is very friendly and helpful. Hooks us up with a Holiday Inn Express. Gives us directions and a pamphlet.
19:00-Off to find hotel! I decide to just do exactly what the hotel guy says direction-wise...which get us lost. Then I decide to actually look at the pamphlet and see that hotel guy left out one piece of information in his directions. So we back track, fix the mistake and arrive at the hotel.
19:30-We arrive at a 4-star Holiday Inn and what we booked was the 3-star Holiday Inn Express! YES, the hotel guy gave us the WRONG directions and the WRONG pamphlet. Holy cow. We try to just stay there except when you book through the airport they charge you 8 Euros and that is non-refundable plus we had already paid 33% of the other hotel (yes, also non-refundable). Can we PLEASE arrive in America and never ever leave?
20:00-So, back to the airport and back to the hotel guy to get correct directions. Which we do.
20:45-Finally, arrive at the correct 3-star hotel. Eat expensive frozen pizza and drink overcharged cola. Crash.
Saturday:
7:00-Get up, shower, eat
8:30-Head to airport.
9:30-Arrive at airport, wait in line, find out that we can come back to try to catch a plane via stand-by, but since we don't have our stuff, it's going to be hard to go back to the hotel and get our stuff and still make the plane. But we sure are going to try! We have to be back by 11:25 at the latest.
10:15-Back at hotel. Rush around, pack, blah, blah, blah. We went ahead and checked out because we had booked two nights in case they were full, but were very optimistic that we would catch a flight. Guess what? When you book through the airport, you can't check out early! Well, you can, but you have to pay for every night you requested. So we got to pay for a night in a hotel we didn't use!! Oh, Europe, your customer service skills are wearing me out.
11:15-Arrive at airport! We made it! Yay!!!
12:25-Sitting on a plane, sitting on a plane (just sing that phrase in your head over and over and you can imagine how happy we were)
8 laters later with a time change, we arrive at the DC airport. It's like 13:30 or something local time. Our next flight was booked for 22:30, but turns out there is a flight that leaves from DC to WV (our destination) at 15:00 or something, but guess what? Because we were assigned the 22:30 flight, we cant switch! America, you disappoint me.
Anyway, we killed 8 hours on a plane with a toddler, then 8 hours in an airport with a toddler, then a short 1 hour flight and then fianlly arrived in WV to visit Hubby's family. We survived and she actually did quite awesome considering what we put her through. Kids are so amazing!
All in all, it sucked, but it was just a trip and I've certainly dealt with worse! But, I'll tell you one thing, I aint flying United again unless I have to!
Friday, July 22, 2011
The Loooooong Trip Over-Part One
Well. You know that saying "right across the pond"? I used to say that. Once you have had not one, but two not awesome experiences "across the pond", you realize that a 3,000 mile ocean is no pond. I am only halfway joking as I know there are more serious issues in life than pleasant journeys :)
But, for real yo. Check out our craaaazy 48 hour journey.
Friday:
9(am)-ish: Get on train with a.) baby b.) stroller + carseat c.) 2 checked bags d.) 3 carry-ons
While on train, rearrange bags with Hubby. Try to find the "best" way to carry all that crap.
9:15-ish: We have appoximately 2 mins to change trains...with a baby and all our crap
10:30-ish (ok, I am going to quit writing "ish". Just know that I have no exact times!): Realize we are a carry-on short! Which carry-on? Why, the one with our diapers, our social security cards, our passports, our birth certificates, and our plane tickets. Oh yeah, we are awesome. And freaked out. And now very, very sick to our stomachs. Tell attendant who doesn't speak English. Tell attendant via pantomime. Attendant responds "Tell them in Nuremburg" and leaves us. Sad face.
12:30: Arrive in Nuremburg. Go to the office where you go when you are screwed. Guess what? Attendant doesn't speak English! Ok, to be fair, he spoke a little. Enough to realize we are totally freaking out and need HELP. Sit around entertaining poopy pants baby (diapers are in the lost bag, remember? And we are in a German train station so noooo diaper stores!) while Hubs and attendant try to fix our situation.
13:15-Attendant: "They did not find your bag". Begin to hyperventilate. (Not really).
13:17-Ring, Ring! Attendant" Oh wait, they did find your bag". Breathe again, just breathe. This is what we have to do: rent a car, get a German road map, find a rinky dink town we have never heard of with no GPS, go get our bag, drive directly to Frankfurt to attempt to catch our 6pm overnight flight. We go ask about a car. Does the train station have one available? Noooo. However, the airport does and all we have to do is catch the subway, take a 15-min ride, and voila! We can have a car. Go to ticket machine to buy tickets. Insert 20 Euros. Machine only takes 5 or 10 Euro bills. Go to McDonalds to break our large bill. Scarf down burger. Feed baby french fries. Buy tickets and get on Subway.
14:00-Get car.
15:00-Arrive at rinky dink town and drive around for a looong time trying to find the train station. Get bag. Feed baby real food and change poopy pants!
15:30-Give up on catching flight. Decide to drive to Frankfurt in the hopes of getting on a later flight. Call United and sit on hold for a full entire HOUR. Run out of minutes on Hubby's cell phone. Get out my cell phone and call mama! Mama calls United and they tell her the plane is delayed so we still have hope of catching it.
18:00-Arrive at airport and watch our plane fly over our heads (can't know that for sure of course!). Go to United desk, stand in line behind others. German United worker to lady in front of us, "I must go". Lady, "You are just going to walk away from us?" United worker, "Yes, I am". What? Excuse me? Well, Toto, we aren't in Kansas anymore...(but we really wish we were!). Apparantly, the desk closes at 6. On the dot. Redonkulous.
Ok, kids, I gotta stop. I'm giving myself a friggin' headache reliving this trip. Stay tuned for part two!! And a happier ending :)
See Part Two here
But, for real yo. Check out our craaaazy 48 hour journey.
Friday:
9(am)-ish: Get on train with a.) baby b.) stroller + carseat c.) 2 checked bags d.) 3 carry-ons
While on train, rearrange bags with Hubby. Try to find the "best" way to carry all that crap.
9:15-ish: We have appoximately 2 mins to change trains...with a baby and all our crap
10:30-ish (ok, I am going to quit writing "ish". Just know that I have no exact times!): Realize we are a carry-on short! Which carry-on? Why, the one with our diapers, our social security cards, our passports, our birth certificates, and our plane tickets. Oh yeah, we are awesome. And freaked out. And now very, very sick to our stomachs. Tell attendant who doesn't speak English. Tell attendant via pantomime. Attendant responds "Tell them in Nuremburg" and leaves us. Sad face.
12:30: Arrive in Nuremburg. Go to the office where you go when you are screwed. Guess what? Attendant doesn't speak English! Ok, to be fair, he spoke a little. Enough to realize we are totally freaking out and need HELP. Sit around entertaining poopy pants baby (diapers are in the lost bag, remember? And we are in a German train station so noooo diaper stores!) while Hubs and attendant try to fix our situation.
13:15-Attendant: "They did not find your bag". Begin to hyperventilate. (Not really).
13:17-Ring, Ring! Attendant" Oh wait, they did find your bag". Breathe again, just breathe. This is what we have to do: rent a car, get a German road map, find a rinky dink town we have never heard of with no GPS, go get our bag, drive directly to Frankfurt to attempt to catch our 6pm overnight flight. We go ask about a car. Does the train station have one available? Noooo. However, the airport does and all we have to do is catch the subway, take a 15-min ride, and voila! We can have a car. Go to ticket machine to buy tickets. Insert 20 Euros. Machine only takes 5 or 10 Euro bills. Go to McDonalds to break our large bill. Scarf down burger. Feed baby french fries. Buy tickets and get on Subway.
14:00-Get car.
15:00-Arrive at rinky dink town and drive around for a looong time trying to find the train station. Get bag. Feed baby real food and change poopy pants!
15:30-Give up on catching flight. Decide to drive to Frankfurt in the hopes of getting on a later flight. Call United and sit on hold for a full entire HOUR. Run out of minutes on Hubby's cell phone. Get out my cell phone and call mama! Mama calls United and they tell her the plane is delayed so we still have hope of catching it.
18:00-Arrive at airport and watch our plane fly over our heads (can't know that for sure of course!). Go to United desk, stand in line behind others. German United worker to lady in front of us, "I must go". Lady, "You are just going to walk away from us?" United worker, "Yes, I am". What? Excuse me? Well, Toto, we aren't in Kansas anymore...(but we really wish we were!). Apparantly, the desk closes at 6. On the dot. Redonkulous.
Ok, kids, I gotta stop. I'm giving myself a friggin' headache reliving this trip. Stay tuned for part two!! And a happier ending :)
See Part Two here
Monday, January 03, 2011
So, it's been awhile..
Yeah, sorry 'bout that. Life has been-yep, you guessed it-crazy. I mean, how do these army wives do it? All this transition all of the time. It's HARD! Me no likey.
Now we are in our apartment & I know we will love it if we ever get unpacked. The problem is our personalities do not lend to getting things done in a timely manner. I wish my mom or my mother-in-law could come over & help me. I just need someone to help me, to keep me focused on the task at hand, and to watch Baby Girl. I want pictures on the walls and boxes gone! I feel like as soon as we get settled, we will move again. It is very hard to motivate me normally, but even harder when I know that all this work is only for 5 months. But I want to have a nice home. If I wait until we are "settled" I will be waiting years!
I am SO VERY envious of people who have babies in the same home where they raise them. I am SO VERY envious of people who can decorate their baby's nursery before their baby is born. I moved 2 weeks after Baby Girl was born. This time I am moving 8 weeks before the baby's due date. Of course I know that pretty nurseries don't really matter, but I am envious nonetheless. And I am so very thankful we are pregnant again. So very thankful. I cannot imagine the heartbreak people go through who have problems getting pregnant. To sum things up=I AM blessed, but I FEEL sorry for myself. Yeah, that's about right.
Christmas was alright. Not the wonderful 1st Christmas I wish Baby Girl could have had, but given the situation, it could have been a lot worse. The sesame seed inside of me isn't going to have a great 1st Christmas either since his/her daddy will be deployed. We had lots of gifts to open & our tree was beautiful. I guess it just didn't feel very special without family. I am holding out for Christmas 2012 when my famil of 4 will be together & maybe even some family from the states could join us over here-that would be AWESOME! On a side note, I love love love saying we are a family of 4! I have 2 babies, 2 children...blessed am I :)
Ok, as far as general life goes everything is harder. Between the Germans & the army we have to jump through 20,000 hoops to get anything done-like driving our car or getting Internet or plugging in a friggin' lamp. In some of our bedrooms our electricity is set up only to work if the overhead light is on. What?? Yes, so none of the outlets work unless the overhead light is on. Forget about alarm clocks or night lights or noise machines. We even tried turning on the overhead & unscrewing the lightbulb, but the lightbulb has to be making an actual electric connection so that didn't work. We called our landlord about it 2 weeks ago & nothing. Our car needs new a remewed registration for post & in order to give us a new registration they have to keep our plates for 24 hours so no car for 24 hours. Make sense? Not to me, but it must to the army. I can't go see a German OB until the Americans give me a blood test proving I'm pregnant so I get to take Baby Girl to two appointments instead of one. If you wait in line for a hour and half for an inspection or a carwash or anything really, the workers can say "sorry-it's our lunch break" come back in an hour and wait again. Customer service seems non-existant. SO, if you thought living in Germany was a fun-filled fabulous life, think again! haha, I think it will get better. Everyone says this is a great duty station. Evidence of it is bound to turn up to support that statement sooner or later.
Travel? Well, maybe if my husband was ever home! I see more of my daughter who sleeps 16 hours a day than him. Deep breath & "Serenity Now" :):) Any Seinfield fans out there?
Ahhhhh, doesn't it feel good to get things off your chest? I try not to be a complainer, but some days I give in. Today was one of those!
Now we are in our apartment & I know we will love it if we ever get unpacked. The problem is our personalities do not lend to getting things done in a timely manner. I wish my mom or my mother-in-law could come over & help me. I just need someone to help me, to keep me focused on the task at hand, and to watch Baby Girl. I want pictures on the walls and boxes gone! I feel like as soon as we get settled, we will move again. It is very hard to motivate me normally, but even harder when I know that all this work is only for 5 months. But I want to have a nice home. If I wait until we are "settled" I will be waiting years!
I am SO VERY envious of people who have babies in the same home where they raise them. I am SO VERY envious of people who can decorate their baby's nursery before their baby is born. I moved 2 weeks after Baby Girl was born. This time I am moving 8 weeks before the baby's due date. Of course I know that pretty nurseries don't really matter, but I am envious nonetheless. And I am so very thankful we are pregnant again. So very thankful. I cannot imagine the heartbreak people go through who have problems getting pregnant. To sum things up=I AM blessed, but I FEEL sorry for myself. Yeah, that's about right.
Christmas was alright. Not the wonderful 1st Christmas I wish Baby Girl could have had, but given the situation, it could have been a lot worse. The sesame seed inside of me isn't going to have a great 1st Christmas either since his/her daddy will be deployed. We had lots of gifts to open & our tree was beautiful. I guess it just didn't feel very special without family. I am holding out for Christmas 2012 when my famil of 4 will be together & maybe even some family from the states could join us over here-that would be AWESOME! On a side note, I love love love saying we are a family of 4! I have 2 babies, 2 children...blessed am I :)
Ok, as far as general life goes everything is harder. Between the Germans & the army we have to jump through 20,000 hoops to get anything done-like driving our car or getting Internet or plugging in a friggin' lamp. In some of our bedrooms our electricity is set up only to work if the overhead light is on. What?? Yes, so none of the outlets work unless the overhead light is on. Forget about alarm clocks or night lights or noise machines. We even tried turning on the overhead & unscrewing the lightbulb, but the lightbulb has to be making an actual electric connection so that didn't work. We called our landlord about it 2 weeks ago & nothing. Our car needs new a remewed registration for post & in order to give us a new registration they have to keep our plates for 24 hours so no car for 24 hours. Make sense? Not to me, but it must to the army. I can't go see a German OB until the Americans give me a blood test proving I'm pregnant so I get to take Baby Girl to two appointments instead of one. If you wait in line for a hour and half for an inspection or a carwash or anything really, the workers can say "sorry-it's our lunch break" come back in an hour and wait again. Customer service seems non-existant. SO, if you thought living in Germany was a fun-filled fabulous life, think again! haha, I think it will get better. Everyone says this is a great duty station. Evidence of it is bound to turn up to support that statement sooner or later.
Travel? Well, maybe if my husband was ever home! I see more of my daughter who sleeps 16 hours a day than him. Deep breath & "Serenity Now" :):) Any Seinfield fans out there?
Ahhhhh, doesn't it feel good to get things off your chest? I try not to be a complainer, but some days I give in. Today was one of those!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
A Different Sort of Living
No, I'm not talking about the Germans, silly. I'm talking about living out of a hotel room! Different? Yes. Awful? Surprisingly, not really.
I don't know if it's God's Grace or my low maintenance, but it could be a lot worse. The biggest issue we have run across is Baby Girl sharing a room with us at bedtime. She knows we are staying awake & she wants to hang out. We didn't have any problems at my mom's or Hubby's mom's house. I guess because I would take her into a dark room & sing a song to her & she would just be so sleepy. Maybe back then she thought that I was going to go to sleep too, just in different room? I don't know. But, now, she looks over my shoulder at her daddy & smiles & waves (her lastest trick) & then when I lay her down, she cries. She's very inconsistent with her crying. She doesn't cry every night. Night before last she went down without a peep. But then last night she cried for like 10 minutes & that was after I had tried to comfort her about 3 times & she had stayed up 1-2 hours later than normal. The good thing is that once she's down, she's down. She is back to sleeping between 10-12 hours a night. Of course she still makes all kinds of baby noises that make me hold my breath because I think she's going to wake up. Those of you who sleep with your baby or allow your baby to sleep in a basinette in your room or whatever, I seriously don't know how you do it! Babies are loud sleepers!!
Another issue living in a hotel raises is it's amazing shrinking abilities. Did you know that hotel rooms shrink? I did not know that. It's a phenomenon that only occurs if you live in one longer than a week. It was plenty big a week & a half ago when we got here...but now? Definitely shrinking. There is one chair. One wardrobe. 2 dressers thank goodness. 2 sinks (one for the bathroom & one for washing dishes). It does, however, have the one main thing I cannot live without: a coffeepot. Yes, yes, yes where there is coffee, I will be ok. I even bought some "Seattle's Best" with a ration card! Coffee is rationed along with gas, cigarettes, & hard liquor.
The only other thing I miss is a bathtub. Generally speaking, I do not take a lot of baths. In fact, the only time I really take baths is when I'm freezing. Which I was last night. Baby Girl & Hubby were grizzly bear warm, but I could NOT get comfortable. So, instead of taking a nice hot bath & drinking hot cocoa, I crawled under the covers & went to sleep. Voila! An hour later, I was warm :)
To counteract the missing bathtub is our very friendly German housekeeper who is now my friend. She loves Baby Girl so I love her. That's how it works right? You work your way into a woman's heart through her baby? :)
And, of course, I have books. Lots & lots of books. That last sentence just makes me feel warm & fuzzy.
There is one sort of problem living in a hotel with your army husband & your infant. It's called PT (physical training). And it starts next week probably at 5:30 or 6. OH NO. Currently, Hubby leaves at 7:45 so it's no biggie if he wakes us up...which, coincidentally, he does every morning. I'm not sure if he is loud (but I think he is) or if the room is just too small to not hear him (maybe), but if Baby Girl starts waking up at 5:30 I am going to be one miserable momma.
We'll see. But for now, I have coffee & I have Internet & I'm pretty happy!
I don't know if it's God's Grace or my low maintenance, but it could be a lot worse. The biggest issue we have run across is Baby Girl sharing a room with us at bedtime. She knows we are staying awake & she wants to hang out. We didn't have any problems at my mom's or Hubby's mom's house. I guess because I would take her into a dark room & sing a song to her & she would just be so sleepy. Maybe back then she thought that I was going to go to sleep too, just in different room? I don't know. But, now, she looks over my shoulder at her daddy & smiles & waves (her lastest trick) & then when I lay her down, she cries. She's very inconsistent with her crying. She doesn't cry every night. Night before last she went down without a peep. But then last night she cried for like 10 minutes & that was after I had tried to comfort her about 3 times & she had stayed up 1-2 hours later than normal. The good thing is that once she's down, she's down. She is back to sleeping between 10-12 hours a night. Of course she still makes all kinds of baby noises that make me hold my breath because I think she's going to wake up. Those of you who sleep with your baby or allow your baby to sleep in a basinette in your room or whatever, I seriously don't know how you do it! Babies are loud sleepers!!
Another issue living in a hotel raises is it's amazing shrinking abilities. Did you know that hotel rooms shrink? I did not know that. It's a phenomenon that only occurs if you live in one longer than a week. It was plenty big a week & a half ago when we got here...but now? Definitely shrinking. There is one chair. One wardrobe. 2 dressers thank goodness. 2 sinks (one for the bathroom & one for washing dishes). It does, however, have the one main thing I cannot live without: a coffeepot. Yes, yes, yes where there is coffee, I will be ok. I even bought some "Seattle's Best" with a ration card! Coffee is rationed along with gas, cigarettes, & hard liquor.
The only other thing I miss is a bathtub. Generally speaking, I do not take a lot of baths. In fact, the only time I really take baths is when I'm freezing. Which I was last night. Baby Girl & Hubby were grizzly bear warm, but I could NOT get comfortable. So, instead of taking a nice hot bath & drinking hot cocoa, I crawled under the covers & went to sleep. Voila! An hour later, I was warm :)
To counteract the missing bathtub is our very friendly German housekeeper who is now my friend. She loves Baby Girl so I love her. That's how it works right? You work your way into a woman's heart through her baby? :)
And, of course, I have books. Lots & lots of books. That last sentence just makes me feel warm & fuzzy.
There is one sort of problem living in a hotel with your army husband & your infant. It's called PT (physical training). And it starts next week probably at 5:30 or 6. OH NO. Currently, Hubby leaves at 7:45 so it's no biggie if he wakes us up...which, coincidentally, he does every morning. I'm not sure if he is loud (but I think he is) or if the room is just too small to not hear him (maybe), but if Baby Girl starts waking up at 5:30 I am going to be one miserable momma.
We'll see. But for now, I have coffee & I have Internet & I'm pretty happy!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
The Move Across The Pond
I thought giving birth was the hardest thing I would ever have to do. Nope. I would rather have 5 babies than try to repeat Sunday's events.
AWFUL.
Let's recap.
At Hubby's parents', before leaving the airport, everything went pretty well. My dad didn't eat, but that is normal when he is nervous. We had to say good-bye to Bella, but that was expected. At the airport, my parents, Hubby's parents, & Hubby's godmother all cried when we left to board the plane. That was expected, but still very hard. I almost cried, but held it together.
Then the real fun started. As we were going through security, we were informed that they had closed the gate. Were we late? No. Were we dawdling? No. Apparantly at that particular airport it is ok to leave early if they feel like it. Anyway, so we dont have our shoes on & our stuff is still being scanned & we have to grab everything & RUN! We almost got left! Were it not for Hubby's godmother coming to the rescue, we wouldn't have made it. Stressful already!
The plane from WV to DC was teeny tiny & hot & noisy. Of course Baby Girl didn't sleep; so Hubby made her bottle while I held her (BTW: I had to start supplementing my nursing with formula). It just so happened that the can of formula we brought was brand new. So when he popped the tab it exploded from the change in air pressure and he got coated in baby formula! :-) We just looked at each other and laughed. It was kind of a stress reliever after rushing onto the plane. At that point we were still laughing at the bumps in the road.
Then we got to DC & boarded a much nicer plane. At this point, I still had hope. The plane was laid out with 2 seats near a window, an aisle, 5 seats in the midde, an aisle, & then 2 more seats by a window. The 3 of us got the 3 middle seats in the row of 5. YAY!! (That was sarcasm in case you missed it). So we were wedged in the middle seats. Baby Girl wouldn't sleep. Instead, right before dinner was served & right after everyone got their drinks she pooped! A green nasty poop. So I then asked the awkward foreign pre-teen next to me to please let me out. She was compliant, but unfortunately spilled her apple juice. Just on the tray though, so it's no crisis. OK, has anyone ever changed a diaper in an airplane bathroom? Not fun. Not even alright. It's actually a total drag.
However, we got through it & headed back to our seat. Baby Girl was getting sleepy at this point so we put her in her carseat & gave her a bottle in hopes that she would sleep. It worked for about 2 hours. She woke up sweating like crazy! We had a carseat blanket thingy on the carseat & I guess it works really well! She was burning up in there poor baby. It will come in handy for Germany at least. Well, that was all the sleep she got. We played with her for awhile & let her watch some TV (desperate times call for desperate measures).
Then we landed & were the last people off the plane & the last people to get our luggage. We had to go wait in this holding area with all the other army families arriving in Germany. They told us that there would be somebody along to brief us very soon and that we needed to stay in the waiting area. No time for food or phone calls. So we wait & wait & wait. Wait for the briefing, wait for orders, wait and wait for the bus. Baby Girl still hasn't slept.
Three plus hours later we got on the bus. Guess what Baby Girl did? She pooped. AGAIN! yay. I had no more clothes in her diaper bag & the rest of our stuff was under the bus. She pooped SO MUCH that it leaked through her clothes. So we changed her & just wrapped her up in a blanket. Then a little later, Baby Girl lost her cool in a big, big way. She SCREAMED her little heart out. I felt so bad. I felt bad for her because she was so exhausted & I felt bad for the entire rest of the bus trying to sleep.
Hubby finally calmed her down by standing in the aisle and singing to her till she fell asleep. So she FINALLY took a nap. When the bus stopped for McDonalds, we (ok, Hubby, not me) dug through her clothes under the bus to find something to wear. Because of her nap she was in a good mood at this point, thank goodness. About an hour later I realized that I was sitting on butt paste. Yes, the tube of butt paste was under me and I got butt pasted. It was not only all over me, but all over the seat and even on Hubby. Great. Then when we're cleaning up the mess, we ran out of wipes. Great.
FINALLY, like 8 billion hours later, we arrived in the place where we are temporarily staying. Luckily there was someone there to drive our stuff, but unluckily me & Hubby & Baby Girl had to walk 3 blocks in the cold to our hotel. I know, it's not that far, but all 3 of us were so tired we could barely drag our feet. And, THEN, when we got to the hotel we were talking to Hubby's sponsor and found out that Hubby has to go to the field for 3 months before he deploys. Excellent. I lost my marbles. I just wanted to go back home so bad.
One last thing. This actually put things in perspective for me. When we called home from the hotel to let family know we made it safe I found out that a very close relation of mine has melanoma. Suddenly, living in Germany didn't seem too bad after all.
Now, we have orgainzed our hotel home & we're ok for awhile. Hopefully, we will get an apartment before Thanksgiving & also meet some people soon!
AWFUL.
Let's recap.
At Hubby's parents', before leaving the airport, everything went pretty well. My dad didn't eat, but that is normal when he is nervous. We had to say good-bye to Bella, but that was expected. At the airport, my parents, Hubby's parents, & Hubby's godmother all cried when we left to board the plane. That was expected, but still very hard. I almost cried, but held it together.
Then the real fun started. As we were going through security, we were informed that they had closed the gate. Were we late? No. Were we dawdling? No. Apparantly at that particular airport it is ok to leave early if they feel like it. Anyway, so we dont have our shoes on & our stuff is still being scanned & we have to grab everything & RUN! We almost got left! Were it not for Hubby's godmother coming to the rescue, we wouldn't have made it. Stressful already!
The plane from WV to DC was teeny tiny & hot & noisy. Of course Baby Girl didn't sleep; so Hubby made her bottle while I held her (BTW: I had to start supplementing my nursing with formula). It just so happened that the can of formula we brought was brand new. So when he popped the tab it exploded from the change in air pressure and he got coated in baby formula! :-) We just looked at each other and laughed. It was kind of a stress reliever after rushing onto the plane. At that point we were still laughing at the bumps in the road.
Then we got to DC & boarded a much nicer plane. At this point, I still had hope. The plane was laid out with 2 seats near a window, an aisle, 5 seats in the midde, an aisle, & then 2 more seats by a window. The 3 of us got the 3 middle seats in the row of 5. YAY!! (That was sarcasm in case you missed it). So we were wedged in the middle seats. Baby Girl wouldn't sleep. Instead, right before dinner was served & right after everyone got their drinks she pooped! A green nasty poop. So I then asked the awkward foreign pre-teen next to me to please let me out. She was compliant, but unfortunately spilled her apple juice. Just on the tray though, so it's no crisis. OK, has anyone ever changed a diaper in an airplane bathroom? Not fun. Not even alright. It's actually a total drag.
However, we got through it & headed back to our seat. Baby Girl was getting sleepy at this point so we put her in her carseat & gave her a bottle in hopes that she would sleep. It worked for about 2 hours. She woke up sweating like crazy! We had a carseat blanket thingy on the carseat & I guess it works really well! She was burning up in there poor baby. It will come in handy for Germany at least. Well, that was all the sleep she got. We played with her for awhile & let her watch some TV (desperate times call for desperate measures).
Then we landed & were the last people off the plane & the last people to get our luggage. We had to go wait in this holding area with all the other army families arriving in Germany. They told us that there would be somebody along to brief us very soon and that we needed to stay in the waiting area. No time for food or phone calls. So we wait & wait & wait. Wait for the briefing, wait for orders, wait and wait for the bus. Baby Girl still hasn't slept.
Three plus hours later we got on the bus. Guess what Baby Girl did? She pooped. AGAIN! yay. I had no more clothes in her diaper bag & the rest of our stuff was under the bus. She pooped SO MUCH that it leaked through her clothes. So we changed her & just wrapped her up in a blanket. Then a little later, Baby Girl lost her cool in a big, big way. She SCREAMED her little heart out. I felt so bad. I felt bad for her because she was so exhausted & I felt bad for the entire rest of the bus trying to sleep.
Hubby finally calmed her down by standing in the aisle and singing to her till she fell asleep. So she FINALLY took a nap. When the bus stopped for McDonalds, we (ok, Hubby, not me) dug through her clothes under the bus to find something to wear. Because of her nap she was in a good mood at this point, thank goodness. About an hour later I realized that I was sitting on butt paste. Yes, the tube of butt paste was under me and I got butt pasted. It was not only all over me, but all over the seat and even on Hubby. Great. Then when we're cleaning up the mess, we ran out of wipes. Great.
FINALLY, like 8 billion hours later, we arrived in the place where we are temporarily staying. Luckily there was someone there to drive our stuff, but unluckily me & Hubby & Baby Girl had to walk 3 blocks in the cold to our hotel. I know, it's not that far, but all 3 of us were so tired we could barely drag our feet. And, THEN, when we got to the hotel we were talking to Hubby's sponsor and found out that Hubby has to go to the field for 3 months before he deploys. Excellent. I lost my marbles. I just wanted to go back home so bad.
One last thing. This actually put things in perspective for me. When we called home from the hotel to let family know we made it safe I found out that a very close relation of mine has melanoma. Suddenly, living in Germany didn't seem too bad after all.
Now, we have orgainzed our hotel home & we're ok for awhile. Hopefully, we will get an apartment before Thanksgiving & also meet some people soon!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Army life thoughts
As I am still trying to record our trip from America to Germany, this post is a fill-in. Today I met some army wives & hung out with them. They were very nice & helpful & talked about army life & details that I need to know. I am thankful that they took the time to hang out with me & get to know me a little bit. I had a good day.
But what I'm thinking is that maybe I am just not cut out for the army life. In a way, I think that doesn't make sense because this is where God has me. But in another way, I can't do everything well so maybe this is a temporary period in my life that will be a challenge. I just don't like the army life. I don't mind the hotel & I can deal with Chris being gone (not talking deployment here, I mean just gone for weekends or whatever), but I really don't like army bases. I really don't like all the rigid structure of the army & how masculine it all feels. I don't like how my husband has so very little freedom to do what he wants when he wants, etc. I don't like the alcohol or the crude jokes. I don't even like how because I am a wife (with a baby no less!) I get all this special treatment. It makes me feel like a child.
So maybe this isn't for me. I mean, it is for now because it has to be, but maybe we are just supposed to do the 4-year thing & then God will take us somewhere else. I sure hope so! Today, the girls showed me their neighborhood & I thought "this is nice housing, but I don't know that I would want to live here". It's ALL army families. It's like a cult or something. I think it's a great theory-put people together that are dealing with the same things. Great theory, but not for me. I want my family & I want my best friends. Am I wrong? I want to be with people who are different than me. I am still jet-lagged so I may be doing a poor job of explaining things, but I want diversity. I don't want to be surrounded by friggin' army everything!!
I really miss home right now so I probably have a bad attitude. I just wish the 3 of us could go home & settle down near our friends & family. I want to have another baby & not worry about deployment. I want my dog & my cat to be able to live with us. I miss everyone so much. Things will get better.
But what I'm thinking is that maybe I am just not cut out for the army life. In a way, I think that doesn't make sense because this is where God has me. But in another way, I can't do everything well so maybe this is a temporary period in my life that will be a challenge. I just don't like the army life. I don't mind the hotel & I can deal with Chris being gone (not talking deployment here, I mean just gone for weekends or whatever), but I really don't like army bases. I really don't like all the rigid structure of the army & how masculine it all feels. I don't like how my husband has so very little freedom to do what he wants when he wants, etc. I don't like the alcohol or the crude jokes. I don't even like how because I am a wife (with a baby no less!) I get all this special treatment. It makes me feel like a child.
So maybe this isn't for me. I mean, it is for now because it has to be, but maybe we are just supposed to do the 4-year thing & then God will take us somewhere else. I sure hope so! Today, the girls showed me their neighborhood & I thought "this is nice housing, but I don't know that I would want to live here". It's ALL army families. It's like a cult or something. I think it's a great theory-put people together that are dealing with the same things. Great theory, but not for me. I want my family & I want my best friends. Am I wrong? I want to be with people who are different than me. I am still jet-lagged so I may be doing a poor job of explaining things, but I want diversity. I don't want to be surrounded by friggin' army everything!!
I really miss home right now so I probably have a bad attitude. I just wish the 3 of us could go home & settle down near our friends & family. I want to have another baby & not worry about deployment. I want my dog & my cat to be able to live with us. I miss everyone so much. Things will get better.
Saturday, November 06, 2010
Up late packing
Holy. Guacamole.
Packing up our life. Again. It's like that Tim McGraw chorus "over & over again"...
When will the madness stop??????
I am so so lucky I am married to a man who takes responsibility for me & our baby daughter. It is midnight fifteen here & he is packing, packing, packing. I would help him (and I am when he asks me to) but he is by far the best packer I know. He is fitting a lot of life into our luggage :)
So far, army life has been major crap. So far, it is totally not my thing. But I remind myself that this is what God has chosen for me during this season of life so I guess it is my thing! This is my army life as far as living situations go (as best we can tell...it may change):
1 year-ROTC
6 months-BOLC
6 months-overseas
1 year-back to the states
6 months-back overseas
6 months-captain's career course (back in the states)
Friggin' ridiculous if you ask me. Not that anyone is or anything. *sigh*
We are leaving very shortly to go to Europe. I think I will like it once we get over there. It is kind of a bummer that I will only be there for about 6 months (nothing is in stone yet). It's like I want my life to be somewhere-either here or there. Traveling overseas for half of a year with an infant is a DRAG! Of course, Hubby is worth it. OF COURSE! I would never choose to be apart from him just for convenience sake. I hope Baby Girl adjusts ok to the time change. We will be uber-dependant on God those first few days with her schedule plus finding an apartment, etc.
I am so tired that this post may not even be making sense! I will probably read it tomorrow & see how it is total gibberish :)
On another front, we are hopefully going to be getting pregnant sometime in the next year! It is so funny because with our first we were super secretive about it & now we are announcing it to the world. Funny how things change. If we do get pregnant, then we would have 2 babies & I love the thought of that! We would have a little baby & a big baby. Baby Girl will always be my baby though! Of course, God may have other plans for us. Only time will tell!!
Packing up our life. Again. It's like that Tim McGraw chorus "over & over again"...
When will the madness stop??????
I am so so lucky I am married to a man who takes responsibility for me & our baby daughter. It is midnight fifteen here & he is packing, packing, packing. I would help him (and I am when he asks me to) but he is by far the best packer I know. He is fitting a lot of life into our luggage :)
So far, army life has been major crap. So far, it is totally not my thing. But I remind myself that this is what God has chosen for me during this season of life so I guess it is my thing! This is my army life as far as living situations go (as best we can tell...it may change):
1 year-ROTC
6 months-BOLC
6 months-overseas
1 year-back to the states
6 months-back overseas
6 months-captain's career course (back in the states)
Friggin' ridiculous if you ask me. Not that anyone is or anything. *sigh*
We are leaving very shortly to go to Europe. I think I will like it once we get over there. It is kind of a bummer that I will only be there for about 6 months (nothing is in stone yet). It's like I want my life to be somewhere-either here or there. Traveling overseas for half of a year with an infant is a DRAG! Of course, Hubby is worth it. OF COURSE! I would never choose to be apart from him just for convenience sake. I hope Baby Girl adjusts ok to the time change. We will be uber-dependant on God those first few days with her schedule plus finding an apartment, etc.
I am so tired that this post may not even be making sense! I will probably read it tomorrow & see how it is total gibberish :)
On another front, we are hopefully going to be getting pregnant sometime in the next year! It is so funny because with our first we were super secretive about it & now we are announcing it to the world. Funny how things change. If we do get pregnant, then we would have 2 babies & I love the thought of that! We would have a little baby & a big baby. Baby Girl will always be my baby though! Of course, God may have other plans for us. Only time will tell!!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Preparing for a new adventure
Another adventure? Really, another one? Having a baby & moving across the country wasn't a big enough adventure for me? Well, maybe it was & maybe it wasn't, but another one is coming fast! Moving to Oklahoma wasn't exactly my kind of adventure anyway. More like, forced labor :)
Now, going back to Europe is right up my alley, but even that is bittersweet for me. All because of Baby Girl. Oh, sweet sweet baby girl. I am excited to go back to Europe. I have missed it terribly. Living in Europe is not like living anywhere in America... well, I haven't lived everywhere in America or anything, but it wasn't like living anywhere I had lived. Living overseas changes you and challenges you in ways that living at home cannot. That's not to say that God doesn't change and challenge you in other ways if you don't live overseas because of course He does. He obviously has a special plan for everyone & they are all different! All that to say that He used my time in Europe intensely. It was such a purifying time because I had no "comforts". I had hot water & food & those comforts but I didn't have my mom or my church or my best friends (although at the end of 2 years I had made several new best friends!) so I had to depend on God alone or perish. It was HARD-make no mistake about that. I cried a lot, but it made me a stronger woman and a stronger Christian.
Going back this time will be different. I am not going soley to do ministry (but I hope I manage to do some anyway). I am going with my family (Hubby & Baby Girl) so I won't be alone. So, I wonder if God will use my time in Europe again. I can't imagine He will use it as much, but I know that He could if He chose to do that. I feel that I am once again a weak Christian so maybe He will use it to make me strong again like He did before. I would like that even if it meant hard times again.
Anyway, onto the bitter part. Baby Girl. Any good parent wants the best for their babies. I try to give Baby Girl the best. Not the latest or greatest gadget, but what I believe to be the best. Love, boundaries, safety, assurance, freedom to be herself, guidance, etc. I left one thing off that list: family. I want her to know her family. I want her to know her grandparents & cousins & her aunts & uncles. I do mean biological family, but I also mean family in the sense of people who are sometimes closer than a blood family. Are you following? I have some BEST friends who I would die for without thinking & I want Baby Girl to know them as much as she knows my sister or Hubby's 'brother' J. I want her to grow up knowing these "aunts" & their children, her "cousins". She won't call them that of course, but I plan on being involved with these people until I leave this earth, so I hope that she comes to love them as I love them, as family. I may not have money & I may not have a great fashion sense, but God has blessed me abundantly with AMAZING best friends. Between me & Hubby, we also have a pretty amazing family...biologically speaking I mean :)
Wow-I am really carrying on today! All THAT to say the bitter part is leaving our family behind. Not for us because we have long memories & we know 2 years is not forever, but for Baby Girl who will no longer be a baby when we live in the states again. Baby Girl who will not recognize her "aunts" when she's sees them in person. It makes me want to cry knowing that she won't know the awesomeness that is Aunt Fancy or "cousin" I or her biological cousins B & O. And, her grandparents. Skype is a wonderful thing & I have high high hopes that she will recognize her grandparents when she sees them in the flesh. But she wont know what they smell like or how their arms feel holding her. She wont know that she has a special place in their homes that's just for her. She wont know the dogs that go along with the people!
Sad, huh? Sad, but temporary. I find peace in knowing that 2-year-olds don't have great memories so when she is 12 she won't know that she didn't know her family when she was 2. Confused yet? Re-read it, you'll get it :)
In other news, Baby Girl is sleeping through the night & smiling all the time!! What a happy baby who brings MUCH joy to my life!
I still can't wait to have more. I want more, like, stat! I get excited just thinking about it. Maybe I'll even have twins! I would love that...I think ;) Hubby is ready for more also. I am making myself wait until Baby Girl turns one. It's taking forever!! Haha, just kidding. I am enjoying the ride for now.
Now, going back to Europe is right up my alley, but even that is bittersweet for me. All because of Baby Girl. Oh, sweet sweet baby girl. I am excited to go back to Europe. I have missed it terribly. Living in Europe is not like living anywhere in America... well, I haven't lived everywhere in America or anything, but it wasn't like living anywhere I had lived. Living overseas changes you and challenges you in ways that living at home cannot. That's not to say that God doesn't change and challenge you in other ways if you don't live overseas because of course He does. He obviously has a special plan for everyone & they are all different! All that to say that He used my time in Europe intensely. It was such a purifying time because I had no "comforts". I had hot water & food & those comforts but I didn't have my mom or my church or my best friends (although at the end of 2 years I had made several new best friends!) so I had to depend on God alone or perish. It was HARD-make no mistake about that. I cried a lot, but it made me a stronger woman and a stronger Christian.
Going back this time will be different. I am not going soley to do ministry (but I hope I manage to do some anyway). I am going with my family (Hubby & Baby Girl) so I won't be alone. So, I wonder if God will use my time in Europe again. I can't imagine He will use it as much, but I know that He could if He chose to do that. I feel that I am once again a weak Christian so maybe He will use it to make me strong again like He did before. I would like that even if it meant hard times again.
Anyway, onto the bitter part. Baby Girl. Any good parent wants the best for their babies. I try to give Baby Girl the best. Not the latest or greatest gadget, but what I believe to be the best. Love, boundaries, safety, assurance, freedom to be herself, guidance, etc. I left one thing off that list: family. I want her to know her family. I want her to know her grandparents & cousins & her aunts & uncles. I do mean biological family, but I also mean family in the sense of people who are sometimes closer than a blood family. Are you following? I have some BEST friends who I would die for without thinking & I want Baby Girl to know them as much as she knows my sister or Hubby's 'brother' J. I want her to grow up knowing these "aunts" & their children, her "cousins". She won't call them that of course, but I plan on being involved with these people until I leave this earth, so I hope that she comes to love them as I love them, as family. I may not have money & I may not have a great fashion sense, but God has blessed me abundantly with AMAZING best friends. Between me & Hubby, we also have a pretty amazing family...biologically speaking I mean :)
Wow-I am really carrying on today! All THAT to say the bitter part is leaving our family behind. Not for us because we have long memories & we know 2 years is not forever, but for Baby Girl who will no longer be a baby when we live in the states again. Baby Girl who will not recognize her "aunts" when she's sees them in person. It makes me want to cry knowing that she won't know the awesomeness that is Aunt Fancy or "cousin" I or her biological cousins B & O. And, her grandparents. Skype is a wonderful thing & I have high high hopes that she will recognize her grandparents when she sees them in the flesh. But she wont know what they smell like or how their arms feel holding her. She wont know that she has a special place in their homes that's just for her. She wont know the dogs that go along with the people!
Sad, huh? Sad, but temporary. I find peace in knowing that 2-year-olds don't have great memories so when she is 12 she won't know that she didn't know her family when she was 2. Confused yet? Re-read it, you'll get it :)
In other news, Baby Girl is sleeping through the night & smiling all the time!! What a happy baby who brings MUCH joy to my life!
I still can't wait to have more. I want more, like, stat! I get excited just thinking about it. Maybe I'll even have twins! I would love that...I think ;) Hubby is ready for more also. I am making myself wait until Baby Girl turns one. It's taking forever!! Haha, just kidding. I am enjoying the ride for now.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Ch-Ch-Changes
Well, I got a baby now :)
She's pretty & she likes to cry a lot. Well, maybe "like" isn't the correct word, but she does cry a lot. She actually is NOT crying right now so I have a moment (but maybe just one) to play catch up.
We moved-that was hard. We had no furniture for about a week. Not fun when you are breast feeding 8 times a day. We still have about 20 boxes in the garage that remain unopened. But we have the necesities so why bother since we will be moving again in 6 months? Love that army.
Hubby is leaving for 6 days on the field. I get to be alone with no one for company (& no one to help) except a dog, a cat, & a newborn with colic. Sounds like fun, huh? But enough complaining!
I suppose God wants me to be alone. Depend on Him, turn to Him...more like cling to Him with every breath I take! In my head, I know it's a good place to be...utter dependance on God. It's hard though. It seems like this baby is attached to my hip & I guess that's how God wants me to be with Him. The more He takes away, the more I need Him.
On a more positive note, I LOVE not being pregnant anymore!! It's the best ever! My stomach is flat, my pains are gone, I get to button my pants, & NO heartburn!
We have also been blesssed with an amazing house & an amazing back deck & an amazing child. I'm rich in love :)
She's pretty & she likes to cry a lot. Well, maybe "like" isn't the correct word, but she does cry a lot. She actually is NOT crying right now so I have a moment (but maybe just one) to play catch up.
We moved-that was hard. We had no furniture for about a week. Not fun when you are breast feeding 8 times a day. We still have about 20 boxes in the garage that remain unopened. But we have the necesities so why bother since we will be moving again in 6 months? Love that army.
Hubby is leaving for 6 days on the field. I get to be alone with no one for company (& no one to help) except a dog, a cat, & a newborn with colic. Sounds like fun, huh? But enough complaining!
I suppose God wants me to be alone. Depend on Him, turn to Him...more like cling to Him with every breath I take! In my head, I know it's a good place to be...utter dependance on God. It's hard though. It seems like this baby is attached to my hip & I guess that's how God wants me to be with Him. The more He takes away, the more I need Him.
On a more positive note, I LOVE not being pregnant anymore!! It's the best ever! My stomach is flat, my pains are gone, I get to button my pants, & NO heartburn!
We have also been blesssed with an amazing house & an amazing back deck & an amazing child. I'm rich in love :)
Monday, March 29, 2010
Smile!
I am doing pretty good today. I suppose that my emotional state will ebb & flow as long as I have all these pregnancy hormones swishing around inside of me!
I got through the first weekend without hubby without too much damage to my heart.
AND, hubby found a place for us to live! It is going to stretch our budget a bit, but not throw us into debt or anything...we are just going to get creative :) It's a 3-BR house with a back yard in a good neighborhood, close to Walmart, and close to Mexican food. Give me Walmart, give me Mexican & I'm pretty happy. I can't wait to see it in person! Hubby has sent me pictures & I think it looks perfect for us & the babies!
AND, I have plans every single weekend till Baby Girl comes! Yay!
I hope hubby is doing ok without us. At least by tomorrow, he will be out of the hotel. Hopefully, time will go by fast for both of us. I miss him so much! I can picture him in the doorway or sitting on the couch with me. Today I even pictured him at the Dr. with me! I hope I don't sound too crazy...:)
So, SMILE because life is ok, but God is great!
I got through the first weekend without hubby without too much damage to my heart.
AND, hubby found a place for us to live! It is going to stretch our budget a bit, but not throw us into debt or anything...we are just going to get creative :) It's a 3-BR house with a back yard in a good neighborhood, close to Walmart, and close to Mexican food. Give me Walmart, give me Mexican & I'm pretty happy. I can't wait to see it in person! Hubby has sent me pictures & I think it looks perfect for us & the babies!
AND, I have plans every single weekend till Baby Girl comes! Yay!
I hope hubby is doing ok without us. At least by tomorrow, he will be out of the hotel. Hopefully, time will go by fast for both of us. I miss him so much! I can picture him in the doorway or sitting on the couch with me. Today I even pictured him at the Dr. with me! I hope I don't sound too crazy...:)
So, SMILE because life is ok, but God is great!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Gone
Gone. My love is gone. Truth be told yesterday was way worse than today. I did really good yesterday at lunch & loading up the car. Then before dinner, I went to snuggle with my baby cat who also went with my love & I told him (the cat) that it wasn't forever & I. Lost. It. The tears absolutely would not stop for a long time. Hubby went outside to pick up doggie dung & I sat on the porch and just cried and cried and cried. Then when I sort of stopped, we went to eat at the Herd Cafe-one last Marshall meal :) I wasn't bawling or anything, just consistent leakage. Poor hubby-I don't know how he puts up with me. When your pregnant, everything just seems so much harder than normal. Finally, when we laid down to go to bed, I stopped. I gave him a Benadryl so he would get some sleep before his 16-hour drive today.
I woke up at 3:30 to give our kitty a sedative...which bless his heart made him woozy snoozy. He couldn't walk in a straight line! If I didn't feel so bad for him, I would have taken pictures. But I just couldn't make fun of the poor guy. His second set of eyelids came up & he really looked drunk or something. I still feel bad for him! He's my baby! But, truth be told, we did have a good laugh ;-)
Then we woke up for real around 4am & did last minute stuff (snuggle with our babies one last time...me with Phoenix, Hubby with Bella) & then he left a bit before 5. I, of course, called him at 5:15 to check on him & Phoenix & then I called him again when I went back to sleep around 6ish, & again at 8:30 when I woke up & again at 10 when I woke up again. And I've talked to him pretty consistently since then. At least every hour or so. So, the hardest part is over for me. Now, hubby's hard part is going to be the drive (as I type this 8 hours later he is only halfway there!) & finding us an apartment. And, the hardest is yet to come after the birth of our daughter when we must separate once again. But, for today, I am ok :) And so is hubby :)
On another note, my sis is coming to visit me today with a friend & 2 dogs! They drove all the way from Colorado to visit East Coast family and such. I am glad Bella will have some friends tonight because she is acting so weird. She keeps whining. Hubby normally works all day so either she just knows something is wrong or she misses the cat...?? Poor girl-I will never provide the fun & excitement that hubby does. He gets on the floor with her & rolls around & plays tug-of-war with her. I try, but I am kind of allergic to her & she is way stronger than me, so tug-of-war is no fun. She's a sweet dog. I tried to take her on a walk, but it was sprinkling so we pretty much just walked to the end of the block and back. Another thing hubby would do is take her for a walk in the rain. I wish she wasn't stuck with me, but I would be way more lonely without her.
I am still trying to compile my Top 10 list for Huntington, so suggestions are still welcome :)
I woke up at 3:30 to give our kitty a sedative...which bless his heart made him woozy snoozy. He couldn't walk in a straight line! If I didn't feel so bad for him, I would have taken pictures. But I just couldn't make fun of the poor guy. His second set of eyelids came up & he really looked drunk or something. I still feel bad for him! He's my baby! But, truth be told, we did have a good laugh ;-)
Then we woke up for real around 4am & did last minute stuff (snuggle with our babies one last time...me with Phoenix, Hubby with Bella) & then he left a bit before 5. I, of course, called him at 5:15 to check on him & Phoenix & then I called him again when I went back to sleep around 6ish, & again at 8:30 when I woke up & again at 10 when I woke up again. And I've talked to him pretty consistently since then. At least every hour or so. So, the hardest part is over for me. Now, hubby's hard part is going to be the drive (as I type this 8 hours later he is only halfway there!) & finding us an apartment. And, the hardest is yet to come after the birth of our daughter when we must separate once again. But, for today, I am ok :) And so is hubby :)
On another note, my sis is coming to visit me today with a friend & 2 dogs! They drove all the way from Colorado to visit East Coast family and such. I am glad Bella will have some friends tonight because she is acting so weird. She keeps whining. Hubby normally works all day so either she just knows something is wrong or she misses the cat...?? Poor girl-I will never provide the fun & excitement that hubby does. He gets on the floor with her & rolls around & plays tug-of-war with her. I try, but I am kind of allergic to her & she is way stronger than me, so tug-of-war is no fun. She's a sweet dog. I tried to take her on a walk, but it was sprinkling so we pretty much just walked to the end of the block and back. Another thing hubby would do is take her for a walk in the rain. I wish she wasn't stuck with me, but I would be way more lonely without her.
I am still trying to compile my Top 10 list for Huntington, so suggestions are still welcome :)
Sunday, March 14, 2010
I wonder if I am going to cry every day until this baby is born. Maybe I'll just cry everyday until Hubby leaves, but I hardly think that him leaving will help. It's just that many of my tears are from thoughts of him not being here & maybe once he's actually gone, I'll see that I'm ok. I don't know. So many of my other tears are from thoughts of leaving behind all I know. I don't want to leave behind my Bible study. They are going to all grow old without me. I don't want to leave behind family. I don't want to leave behind our life here. I'm happy here.
All my best friends (well...almost all of them) came up yesterday for a luncheon so I could see them one last time & now they are gone & I wonder when I will see them again. Someday, right?
I just think how nice it must be to have a baby & get to set up a nursery with your husband & have him take time off work to be with you. Saying good-bye is hard enough, but take away my husband & put me through labor & I think I might die. I'm being dramatic, of course, but it feels that way at times. There are lots of people who go through such harder things, but for some reason it's easier for me to think of those women who have nothing but joy in expecting a baby & who get to keep their husbands to themselves. I shouldn't think of those women because it makes me feel bad, it's just hard not to.
I get all these cute clothes for Baby Girl & I have to pack them all up in boxes for the movers. Everything we buy her has to stay in a box until Oklahoma (except her carseat of course). She has no nursery, no special baby room just for herself. She WILL get it...in Oklahoma. She will get it when she is 3-4 weeks old. & I am happy we can give it to her, I am thankful that we have money & family to put together a nursery & to dress her in cute clothes. I just wish she could have it now kind of. It's just stuff, I know.
I think all of this wouldn't matter to me if Hubby could stay with me. If he could stay here, everything would be ok. But my husband is not my substinence, my husband is not my refuge. At least he shouldn't be those things. Jesus Christ should be what gets me through hard times, not my husband. I know. It's so hard. I can't get that truth in my heart. It's in my head that Christ is all things & will take care of me, but in my heart, I need my husband. I don't know how I'm going to make it without crying all the time. I have to say good-bye to everyone alone. So does he. I wish we could say good-bye to our friends & family & then leave for Oklahoma together. Sad, but together. Sad & alone is so much worse.
I have learned that all the theories in the world don't amount to crap in real life. It's a nice theory that being apart from him for only 3 weeks will fly by. Total crap. It's a nice theory that I will miss him so much that saying good-bye to people here won't be hard. Total crap. It's a nice theory that waiting to be settled with your newborn for 3 weeks is not that long. Total crap. It's a nice theory that having family & friends & your own doctor & your own hospital balances out the negative of not being with your husband for the last month of pregnancy & the first 2 weeks of your daughter's life. Total crap. I wonder if we made the right decision. I'm so scared. I think I would trade every "comfortable" aspect in Huntington to be in Oklahoma with my husband. All those things about Oklahoma that seemed so horrible 8 months ago (No visitors at the hospital! Not knowing my OB! A hospital I've never been to! No grandparents in the waiting room! No one oohing & awing over my baby!) don't seem nearly as horrible as being apart from my other half. I know I won't die, but this might be the hardest thing I've ever done.
All my best friends (well...almost all of them) came up yesterday for a luncheon so I could see them one last time & now they are gone & I wonder when I will see them again. Someday, right?
I just think how nice it must be to have a baby & get to set up a nursery with your husband & have him take time off work to be with you. Saying good-bye is hard enough, but take away my husband & put me through labor & I think I might die. I'm being dramatic, of course, but it feels that way at times. There are lots of people who go through such harder things, but for some reason it's easier for me to think of those women who have nothing but joy in expecting a baby & who get to keep their husbands to themselves. I shouldn't think of those women because it makes me feel bad, it's just hard not to.
I get all these cute clothes for Baby Girl & I have to pack them all up in boxes for the movers. Everything we buy her has to stay in a box until Oklahoma (except her carseat of course). She has no nursery, no special baby room just for herself. She WILL get it...in Oklahoma. She will get it when she is 3-4 weeks old. & I am happy we can give it to her, I am thankful that we have money & family to put together a nursery & to dress her in cute clothes. I just wish she could have it now kind of. It's just stuff, I know.
I think all of this wouldn't matter to me if Hubby could stay with me. If he could stay here, everything would be ok. But my husband is not my substinence, my husband is not my refuge. At least he shouldn't be those things. Jesus Christ should be what gets me through hard times, not my husband. I know. It's so hard. I can't get that truth in my heart. It's in my head that Christ is all things & will take care of me, but in my heart, I need my husband. I don't know how I'm going to make it without crying all the time. I have to say good-bye to everyone alone. So does he. I wish we could say good-bye to our friends & family & then leave for Oklahoma together. Sad, but together. Sad & alone is so much worse.
I have learned that all the theories in the world don't amount to crap in real life. It's a nice theory that being apart from him for only 3 weeks will fly by. Total crap. It's a nice theory that I will miss him so much that saying good-bye to people here won't be hard. Total crap. It's a nice theory that waiting to be settled with your newborn for 3 weeks is not that long. Total crap. It's a nice theory that having family & friends & your own doctor & your own hospital balances out the negative of not being with your husband for the last month of pregnancy & the first 2 weeks of your daughter's life. Total crap. I wonder if we made the right decision. I'm so scared. I think I would trade every "comfortable" aspect in Huntington to be in Oklahoma with my husband. All those things about Oklahoma that seemed so horrible 8 months ago (No visitors at the hospital! Not knowing my OB! A hospital I've never been to! No grandparents in the waiting room! No one oohing & awing over my baby!) don't seem nearly as horrible as being apart from my other half. I know I won't die, but this might be the hardest thing I've ever done.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
ba-zillion and ba-zillon details in my head
wow. who would have thought that getting pregnant, moving your husband across the country 3 weeks before you have a baby, & then moving yourself & that baby 2 weeks after she is born would be so stressful? :)
yes, I stay stressed. You know that feeling when you have too much to do in too little time? I have that feeling 24/7. THIS is very unusual for me. I am quite skilled at escaping reality most of the time. Not getting things done is kinda my thing...I just always figured life was worth more than worrying about everything & anything. But, I'm quickly realizing to seize responsibility or my life will be a wreck come April.
My husband leaves town for Oklahoma the end of March. When he leaves, he is taking just about everything we own with him. I will have a TV, a couch, a pot, a pan, the dog, & that's about it. Maybe I'll get to keep the microwave too...we'll have to see about that one. Baby Girl will hopefully be born on April 16th & Hubby will get a 4-day leave April 15-18th. I will stay in Hton for 2 weeks & then I'm off to Oklahoma myself. That's enough to stress anyone out right? Well, add working full-time, figuring out the best travel system, the best high chair, the best baby moniter, etc, spending time with everyone we love in a 300 mile radius, Hubby trying to write a Master's thesis, & having a big fat heavy belly making my back hurt & waking me up with heart burn 3 nights a week or so. OK, I'll stop. :)
But you see my point. I stay stressed. In church this morning there was that song that I love by Matt Redman that came from the book of Job. There is a part that goes "You give & take away, my heart will choose to say 'Blessed be the name of the Lord' ". So I feel like God is about to take all this stuff I love away. Stuff like family, stuff like my awesome amazing Bible study that I could not have stayed true to the Lord without, stuff like our wonderful apartment, & my great job. He gave it all to me & now He's going to take it away. So I have to CHOOSE to continue to praise Him & to say "Blessed be the name of the Lord". I want to. Not sure that I can, but I do want to. Of course, what God takes away I hope He will replace. Like, I am going to have a daughter. A beautiful daughter. Hubby & I are finally financially stable (thank you U.S. Army!). My husband is not being deployed...not yet at least. But for now, he's mine & he is staying with me. I may be leaving people I love, but I will still be loved. That is certainly a blessing.
So God is good in times of plenty & times of want. In times of sunshine & in times of pain. I won't act like I want to go to Oklahoma because I don't. But I do have hope that God will go with me. He will meet my needs & He will provide abundantly as He always has if I let Him. & I AM going to try to let Him :)
yes, I stay stressed. You know that feeling when you have too much to do in too little time? I have that feeling 24/7. THIS is very unusual for me. I am quite skilled at escaping reality most of the time. Not getting things done is kinda my thing...I just always figured life was worth more than worrying about everything & anything. But, I'm quickly realizing to seize responsibility or my life will be a wreck come April.
My husband leaves town for Oklahoma the end of March. When he leaves, he is taking just about everything we own with him. I will have a TV, a couch, a pot, a pan, the dog, & that's about it. Maybe I'll get to keep the microwave too...we'll have to see about that one. Baby Girl will hopefully be born on April 16th & Hubby will get a 4-day leave April 15-18th. I will stay in Hton for 2 weeks & then I'm off to Oklahoma myself. That's enough to stress anyone out right? Well, add working full-time, figuring out the best travel system, the best high chair, the best baby moniter, etc, spending time with everyone we love in a 300 mile radius, Hubby trying to write a Master's thesis, & having a big fat heavy belly making my back hurt & waking me up with heart burn 3 nights a week or so. OK, I'll stop. :)
But you see my point. I stay stressed. In church this morning there was that song that I love by Matt Redman that came from the book of Job. There is a part that goes "You give & take away, my heart will choose to say 'Blessed be the name of the Lord' ". So I feel like God is about to take all this stuff I love away. Stuff like family, stuff like my awesome amazing Bible study that I could not have stayed true to the Lord without, stuff like our wonderful apartment, & my great job. He gave it all to me & now He's going to take it away. So I have to CHOOSE to continue to praise Him & to say "Blessed be the name of the Lord". I want to. Not sure that I can, but I do want to. Of course, what God takes away I hope He will replace. Like, I am going to have a daughter. A beautiful daughter. Hubby & I are finally financially stable (thank you U.S. Army!). My husband is not being deployed...not yet at least. But for now, he's mine & he is staying with me. I may be leaving people I love, but I will still be loved. That is certainly a blessing.
So God is good in times of plenty & times of want. In times of sunshine & in times of pain. I won't act like I want to go to Oklahoma because I don't. But I do have hope that God will go with me. He will meet my needs & He will provide abundantly as He always has if I let Him. & I AM going to try to let Him :)
Monday, June 26, 2006
cold showers, sad good-byes, & america
it's hot here. really hot-today it is 90 degrees i think. & unfortunately for slovaks (& me), the very spectacular invention of the air-conditioner has yet to reach slovakia. i know, i know- i rant & rave about the land of eternal snow & now that it's hot i'm griping about the heat . i'm only human & really, we are never satisfied are we? always wanting more & wanting what we do have to be better than it is. i admire people who are intrinsically content with their portion.
the one good thing about the blazing sun pouring itself into every room in my flat (how IS that possible?!) is that i get to take cold showers. does anything feel better than a cold shower when you are SO hot? maybe hot baths when you are SO cold. but, really the thought of a hot bath makes me feel kind of queasy.
today is our good-bye day. it has really been a good-bye month, but today it is good-bye for real & for some good-bye forever. we leave tomorrow morning to go to vienna for who knows why, but anyway we do. tonight we are having a good-bye party (way to ruin a "party" in about 2 seconds) at the huge ice-cream shop (Aida) that is just as much a part of košice as the monstrous cathedral in the middle of town. all the slovaks will come & hang out with the americans one last time. all the girls will cry & people will probably be hugging & holding hands a lot. this will happen for 2 hours! i have only had to say good-bye once to someone that i wasn't sure if i would see them again & i bawled like a baby. but i think this will be different. there will be so many people & i feel so numb about leaving. i keep wondering when i am going to get really sad. i think it will hit me in america sometime.
speaking of america, i am a little nervous to be coming back. i am nervous because i have changed so much, but not with the people there. i have grown & learned lessons & conquered fears. but i can't wait to see people that i love. i can't wait to see dena & fancy nancy & shell & daniel & my folks & my beautiful sister & my church again. i can't wait to see mararuth & sara bell & my animals! i can't wait to drive again & sit in my back yard. it will be good. i think i will sad but happy too. it's just life & it always moves forward & it always changes so you might as well just shake its hand & smile.
the one good thing about the blazing sun pouring itself into every room in my flat (how IS that possible?!) is that i get to take cold showers. does anything feel better than a cold shower when you are SO hot? maybe hot baths when you are SO cold. but, really the thought of a hot bath makes me feel kind of queasy.
today is our good-bye day. it has really been a good-bye month, but today it is good-bye for real & for some good-bye forever. we leave tomorrow morning to go to vienna for who knows why, but anyway we do. tonight we are having a good-bye party (way to ruin a "party" in about 2 seconds) at the huge ice-cream shop (Aida) that is just as much a part of košice as the monstrous cathedral in the middle of town. all the slovaks will come & hang out with the americans one last time. all the girls will cry & people will probably be hugging & holding hands a lot. this will happen for 2 hours! i have only had to say good-bye once to someone that i wasn't sure if i would see them again & i bawled like a baby. but i think this will be different. there will be so many people & i feel so numb about leaving. i keep wondering when i am going to get really sad. i think it will hit me in america sometime.
speaking of america, i am a little nervous to be coming back. i am nervous because i have changed so much, but not with the people there. i have grown & learned lessons & conquered fears. but i can't wait to see people that i love. i can't wait to see dena & fancy nancy & shell & daniel & my folks & my beautiful sister & my church again. i can't wait to see mararuth & sara bell & my animals! i can't wait to drive again & sit in my back yard. it will be good. i think i will sad but happy too. it's just life & it always moves forward & it always changes so you might as well just shake its hand & smile.
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