Since I have mostly shared on here the struggle I have been having with this pregnancy (which I believe God is going to use one day to encourage someone else at some point!), I thought I would share some fun things about this baby :)
How We Found Out: I was late. With my you-know-what. However, I had taken a test once already (after I was late) and it was negative so I really didn't think I was pregnant. There are these little roadside trucks here that sell German food and when we see one, we always get some meat and pomme frites :) I got a pork sandwich and Chris got half a chicken (yes, he eats like a MAN. All the time. I am not looking forward to feeding him and Caleb one day!). I just couldn't eat mine. I hadn't gotten the pork before so I just thought I didn't like the meat. So we traded. I couldn't eat the chicken either. I said something along the lines of, "This is nasty. I can't even swallow it". Chris looked at me and said, "Get in that bathroom and pee on a stick"! Haha, I just think that is hilarious! He said it because we both love the roasted chickens! So, I obeyed and then came out, handed him the stick, and didn't speak for a full 7 minutes. Ok, I didn't time it, but I was silent for quite awhile. It was like my mind just wouldn't grasp what was right in front of me! Chris, of course, the best husband in the world, was all smiles and joy.
How We Told People: For my parents, we were on Skype so we held up 3 clues for them to figure out. The first was an Arizona mug (where we thought we were going to be stationed. We were wrong). The second was 3 baby dolls. The third was the positive pregnancy test. They got if after the dolls :) For his parents, we were unable to Skype so Chris said, "We need your all's opinion on something. We are looking to buy a car that will hold 3 car seats". His mom got it immediately. It was funny because she said the same thing that she said when we were pregnant with Autumn which was, "You are kidding me" about 3 times! (Caleb's was less of a surprise since everyone knew we were trying with him). Chris' godmother replied with, "Ok, I'll look into the consumer reports for you" :) Totally over her head! So then Chris said, "Well, let me know because we are going to need one in about 9 months". Then she got it :) My sister was super surprised and super happy. I never call my brother. We pretty much communicate through email so when I called him he said, "Are you pregnant again?" Haha, he was the only one who actually knew before we told him!
Another fun little thing is we think it's a girl. We are still debating about whether to find out or not, but this pregnancy has waylaid me in a similar manner that Autumn's did. Caleb's was, by far, the easiest pregnancy I have had, even counting my miscarriage at 10 weeks with my second pregnancy. That one must have been a girl too ;) We'll find out in Heaven I hope. However (there is always a "however" with me), God tends to keep me on my toes (sometimes I say it not so nicely by saying he enjoys throwing curve balls at me!) so I will not be overly surprised if this is a boy since we think it's a girl.
My due date is March 13th, 2013. We are almost positive we will be living in Oklahoma at that point. I'm a little bummed we are going to have a baby in a state we don't really care about, but it was God's choice, not ours. We have zero boy names we both like, so feel free to give me suggestions!! :)
Monday, September 10, 2012
Friday, September 07, 2012
There I Go Wearing My Heart Again
This is a family portrait we took last spring while Chris was home visiting from Afghanistan. It is a lovely picture and I'm quite pleased with it.
However, I have to tell you a secret. Sometimes, I look at that picture and I wonder whose those people are with those babies. I mean, they look so happy. They look so put together. That looks like a mom who keeps a clean home and whose children obey her. Those looks like children who always have their hair combed and who only watch 30 minutes of TV a day. That looks like a dad who always puts playing with his children after work as his main priority.
And, that, to be blunt, is total BS.
A lot of times when I blog hop around, this is what I see. Perfect families. Maybe not perfect, but better than me. Better wives, better moms, better housekeepers. A lot of it is in how I perceive things of course. I don't expect people to put pictures of themselves in their bathrobes or anything. I have a tendency to consistently compare myself to others and always see that I am the one lacking.
Some days my children drive me so crazy that I turn on the TV and lay on the couch with a pillow on my head. We are getting ready to move again and I have moved so much in the past 2.5 years that the thought of moving again makes me want to curl up in the fetal position and cry. I am still having emotional issues with my current unplanned pregnancy. That last one really gets me. It makes me feel really really bad. But it's the truth. Emotionally, it has been one of the hardest things I have faced and it's even harder because I'm not supposed to feel that way! It's a precious gift from God and I know a number of people who are dealing with infertility and miscarriage who would do just about anything to be in my position. And, yet, still, I am having issues. Sometimes, I even fantasize about the mom I "could have been" if we hadn't been uprooted so many times. I think about the friends I "could have had" if we had stayed in our first home...the place where we got married and where our daughter was born.
I look at that picture and I want to be that woman who is smiling and who has a firm grip on life. I want to have things under control. I want to be content in any circumstance. I want to always discipline my children in love and not frustration or impatience. I want to always do our laundry in a timely manner. I want to get up early and read my bible every day. I want to be a better me.
I don't think that is necessarily bad, per se, but it can be dangerous ground. It's dangerous because I was created flawed. I am not Jesus Christ, the only perfect human. I think what I need to learn to do is love myself despite my imperfections. This is so hard for me. I don't really know where to begin either. I think processing it a good start, acknowledging it. I am hoping that God leads the ways because I'm pretty worthless without Him. Of course the church answer is, "Of course God will show you the way", but I mean, I hope He really does and I really let him because I'm not kidding when I say I'm worthless on my own. I have learned that lesson time and time again!
Isaiah 58:11
"The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your needs in parched places, and make your bones strong, and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters never fail"
That is what my soul cries out for today.
Tuesday, September 04, 2012
Mr. Man 9 Months
This post is going up 2 days early! Trust me, no one is more surprised about that than me ;)
Holy cow! This boy is 3 months away from being ONE! It is truly hard to believe. I feel bad for him because the first several months of his life I struggled with depression due to post-preggo hormones and Chris being in Afghanistan. Then, we moved back to Germany and all was good for about a month until I get pregnant again and sick as a dog and depressed-again due to preggo hormones. I am *finally* feeling like a normal human being and the mom I want to be to him (and Autumn as well). I am sure I will carry around this mommy guilt the rest of my life! In truth, I know I shouldn't and I hope I don't.
So, onward to my chubby man whom I love so very much.
Sleeping
He still takes 2 solid naps every day- 10-12 and 2-4. He sleeps roughly 7p-7a. It took a long time to get here and I am enjoying it ever so much! When he doesn't sleep well, I know something is wrong with him so it's a good indicator of how he's doing.
Eating
The boy eats like a champ. He is round and chubby even though he crawls like a mad man. He drinks 28oz of formula a day and eats 2-3 solid meals (cheerios, rice, graham crackers, and fruit are staples plus pureed food). He no longer cries when meal time is over. However, he does cry every single time I wipe off his face. Seriously. Every time! He's got a flair for the dramatic ;)
Playing
His favorite games are: follow Autumn around, chew on everything, and pull books of the book shelf. Why do we have all these toys again? :) I surely can't remember when Autumn's obsession with books began, but so far he is not equally inclined. If I read 5 books a day to him while he actually sits still and "listens", I'm doing well.
Illness
Oh my word, y'all, this man child has been through the ringer this month! He has sprouted his two top teeth, got stung by a wasp on both of his hands, had a double ear infection, and battled Roseola. That just doesn't seem right, does it? I joke and say "at least he's Army Strong" ;) He has actually handled everything really well except the ear infections. He has had ear infections before and he is super sensitive to them. Both times I caught them really early because he just gets super fussy as soon as they start! Not that I have another baby to compare to since Autumn never got them, but he just seems sensitive to them in my opinion.
He is so different than Autumn. I mean, I know every child is different, but it's weird to me. Me and my husband are actually very similar in our personalities (that is a good thing and a bad thing!) that I guess I just assumed our children would be like us (which if you are into personality tests, we are both Melancholy/Sanguine) And Autumn pretty much is our little clone. There are stronger parts of Chris in her than me for sure, but she is also what I would call "malleable". She just takes things in stride most of the time. She certainly has a stubborn streak (Chris), a perfectionism tendency (also Chris), super emotional regarding change (me), but overall she's a chill little girl. Caleb? Not so much. He is pretty demanding even as an 8-month-old. I've mentioned before how we can't leave him with anyone other than me or Chris because he literally cries the whole time we are gone and I just can't stand to do that to him. Ideally, we would leave him several short times throughout the week to wean him off of us, but with very few friends and no family, it's just not really an option for us right now. He also gets so MAD if you eat in front of him or if you don't pick him up the second he decides he wants to be held. The plus side of this more aggressive personality is he laughs harder and louder than Autumn ever did/does! He smiles much more easily and is generally a very happy little guy. Autumn is much more subdued in her emotions. Of course, she has her fair share of temper tantrums like every other 2-year-old! There is a lot about his personality that hasn't emerged yet, of course. I tell Chris I am worried he won't ever want to leave my side, but Chris assures me he will grow out of this stage!
Ok, I really did not intend to write that much about his personality! Children are complex little creatures, no?
Holy cow! This boy is 3 months away from being ONE! It is truly hard to believe. I feel bad for him because the first several months of his life I struggled with depression due to post-preggo hormones and Chris being in Afghanistan. Then, we moved back to Germany and all was good for about a month until I get pregnant again and sick as a dog and depressed-again due to preggo hormones. I am *finally* feeling like a normal human being and the mom I want to be to him (and Autumn as well). I am sure I will carry around this mommy guilt the rest of my life! In truth, I know I shouldn't and I hope I don't.
Sleeping
He still takes 2 solid naps every day- 10-12 and 2-4. He sleeps roughly 7p-7a. It took a long time to get here and I am enjoying it ever so much! When he doesn't sleep well, I know something is wrong with him so it's a good indicator of how he's doing.
The boy eats like a champ. He is round and chubby even though he crawls like a mad man. He drinks 28oz of formula a day and eats 2-3 solid meals (cheerios, rice, graham crackers, and fruit are staples plus pureed food). He no longer cries when meal time is over. However, he does cry every single time I wipe off his face. Seriously. Every time! He's got a flair for the dramatic ;)
Playing
His favorite games are: follow Autumn around, chew on everything, and pull books of the book shelf. Why do we have all these toys again? :) I surely can't remember when Autumn's obsession with books began, but so far he is not equally inclined. If I read 5 books a day to him while he actually sits still and "listens", I'm doing well.
Illness
Oh my word, y'all, this man child has been through the ringer this month! He has sprouted his two top teeth, got stung by a wasp on both of his hands, had a double ear infection, and battled Roseola. That just doesn't seem right, does it? I joke and say "at least he's Army Strong" ;) He has actually handled everything really well except the ear infections. He has had ear infections before and he is super sensitive to them. Both times I caught them really early because he just gets super fussy as soon as they start! Not that I have another baby to compare to since Autumn never got them, but he just seems sensitive to them in my opinion.
He is so different than Autumn. I mean, I know every child is different, but it's weird to me. Me and my husband are actually very similar in our personalities (that is a good thing and a bad thing!) that I guess I just assumed our children would be like us (which if you are into personality tests, we are both Melancholy/Sanguine) And Autumn pretty much is our little clone. There are stronger parts of Chris in her than me for sure, but she is also what I would call "malleable". She just takes things in stride most of the time. She certainly has a stubborn streak (Chris), a perfectionism tendency (also Chris), super emotional regarding change (me), but overall she's a chill little girl. Caleb? Not so much. He is pretty demanding even as an 8-month-old. I've mentioned before how we can't leave him with anyone other than me or Chris because he literally cries the whole time we are gone and I just can't stand to do that to him. Ideally, we would leave him several short times throughout the week to wean him off of us, but with very few friends and no family, it's just not really an option for us right now. He also gets so MAD if you eat in front of him or if you don't pick him up the second he decides he wants to be held. The plus side of this more aggressive personality is he laughs harder and louder than Autumn ever did/does! He smiles much more easily and is generally a very happy little guy. Autumn is much more subdued in her emotions. Of course, she has her fair share of temper tantrums like every other 2-year-old! There is a lot about his personality that hasn't emerged yet, of course. I tell Chris I am worried he won't ever want to leave my side, but Chris assures me he will grow out of this stage!
Ok, I really did not intend to write that much about his personality! Children are complex little creatures, no?
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Mommy Sense
I don't know if that is what it is called or not. I have heard it before I think, but maybe it is called "Mommy Instinct" or something? Not sure. I do know, however, that every parenting magazine says in some shape or form "go with your gut when it comes to your children". And it is so true!! Here's a story for you:
Caleb is teething. One particularly stubborn tooth has been trying to break though for about a week now. He had a blister on his gum (apparently totally normal?!) that bled a couple days ago and there is actually skin hanging down! Gross I know and maybe TMI. Sorry 'bout that. He also got stung by a wasp on two different places last Friday. Poor little man, huh?! So, yeah, he has been super fussy lately.
2 or 3 days ago he woke up with a long grade fever (100 I think) and even though I gave him Tylenol and Ibuprofen around the clock, it didn't go away. The next day he seemed better, but still not himself. He was still fussy and low fever. I mentioned to Chris that he just wasn't acting like himself and maybe we should go to the ER. He wasn't sleeping as good as usual and just wanted me to hold him all the time. Chris said to give him another day in case it was his tooth bothering him (turned it to be a good thing we waited). The next day his tooth still hadn't broken through, he had a fever of 100.8, and when I put him down for his morning nap, he slept for 30 minutes and then woke up crying and would not stop. So I called Chris and said "We are going to the ER. Can you come with us?" Side note for you non army Germany living people: There is not walk in clinic here and there are not "work in" appointments. You pretty much have "Well Visits" at the army base and anything else that needs immediate attention you have to go the German ER for Children (called the Klinikum I think).
So Chris came along and off we went. Several hours later we left the ER with a diagnosis of a double ear infection and scripts for antibiotics. That was yesterday and today he woke up happy for a change and his tooth finally broke through! He has had 2 doses of antibiotic but they must already be working because he mostly seems like his old self again. Still a bit cranky, but nothing like he has been.
This is 3 times I have followed my gut when my logical mind told me it wasn't a big deal and my gut was right. This last time my mind was telling me it was his tooth that was bothering him. Part me of was saying, "Of course he's fussy, of course he's not sleeping, his tooth is bothering him", but the other part of me was saying, "there is something more wrong with my baby than a tooth!!". I had to take Autumn to the German ER last year because she wasn't acting right. Her temps were not severe (101) but I just felt something was wrong with her so off we went (with my wonderful friend Maryanne who drove me since Chris was in the field) and sure enough she had some sort of virus that would have only gotten worse if we had put it off.
I have learned to trust my instincts. I, of course, still need to evaluate the situation and not over react, but I don't think I will hesitate to take them in because I am worried that "it's not serious enough" or "they will think I'm over reacting". One time I did take Autumn in and I was wrong, it was nothing. And that's ok because it put my mind at ease. So, lesson of the story is to trust your mommy sense! God gave it to you for a reason!
Caleb is teething. One particularly stubborn tooth has been trying to break though for about a week now. He had a blister on his gum (apparently totally normal?!) that bled a couple days ago and there is actually skin hanging down! Gross I know and maybe TMI. Sorry 'bout that. He also got stung by a wasp on two different places last Friday. Poor little man, huh?! So, yeah, he has been super fussy lately.
2 or 3 days ago he woke up with a long grade fever (100 I think) and even though I gave him Tylenol and Ibuprofen around the clock, it didn't go away. The next day he seemed better, but still not himself. He was still fussy and low fever. I mentioned to Chris that he just wasn't acting like himself and maybe we should go to the ER. He wasn't sleeping as good as usual and just wanted me to hold him all the time. Chris said to give him another day in case it was his tooth bothering him (turned it to be a good thing we waited). The next day his tooth still hadn't broken through, he had a fever of 100.8, and when I put him down for his morning nap, he slept for 30 minutes and then woke up crying and would not stop. So I called Chris and said "We are going to the ER. Can you come with us?" Side note for you non army Germany living people: There is not walk in clinic here and there are not "work in" appointments. You pretty much have "Well Visits" at the army base and anything else that needs immediate attention you have to go the German ER for Children (called the Klinikum I think).
So Chris came along and off we went. Several hours later we left the ER with a diagnosis of a double ear infection and scripts for antibiotics. That was yesterday and today he woke up happy for a change and his tooth finally broke through! He has had 2 doses of antibiotic but they must already be working because he mostly seems like his old self again. Still a bit cranky, but nothing like he has been.
This is 3 times I have followed my gut when my logical mind told me it wasn't a big deal and my gut was right. This last time my mind was telling me it was his tooth that was bothering him. Part me of was saying, "Of course he's fussy, of course he's not sleeping, his tooth is bothering him", but the other part of me was saying, "there is something more wrong with my baby than a tooth!!". I had to take Autumn to the German ER last year because she wasn't acting right. Her temps were not severe (101) but I just felt something was wrong with her so off we went (with my wonderful friend Maryanne who drove me since Chris was in the field) and sure enough she had some sort of virus that would have only gotten worse if we had put it off.
I have learned to trust my instincts. I, of course, still need to evaluate the situation and not over react, but I don't think I will hesitate to take them in because I am worried that "it's not serious enough" or "they will think I'm over reacting". One time I did take Autumn in and I was wrong, it was nothing. And that's ok because it put my mind at ease. So, lesson of the story is to trust your mommy sense! God gave it to you for a reason!
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Travels
See, here's the thing. Yes, we live in Germany, but we don't travel much. There a couple of reasons for that. The main one being traveling with kids, for us, almost takes the fun out of traveling at all. We lived in Slovakia for 2 years without kids so we did a ton of traveling then and to compare it to now, it was about a billion times easier and more enjoyable. I guess we got spoiled or something. More often than not when we travel for more than a short day trip (or short overnight trip) I end up wishing we had just stayed home.
A lot of army people do travel though (both with and without children) and whenever I hear about someone talking about some cool new place they saw or I see some beautiful pictures, I always reminisce about my own travels and am so grateful for all that I have been able to see...er, without children ;) Haha, just kidding kind of.
So, I thought since I never properly documented any European traveling that I did, I would share my Top 5 Places (in Europe only). I'll try to just post one or two pictures per place. I also have to tell you that some of these pictures are mine and some are not. I traveled with others and we all shared our pictures and I have no idea whose is whose. Hope my friends don't mind me posting! These are in no particular order.
Malaga, Spain
Now, I am sure Spain has lots of gorgeous cities. I have not traveled across Spain extensively so there very well might be much prettier cities that I have not seen. I mean, Madrid sounds pretty awesome to me, but I've never been there. Anyway, Malaga is on the very southern edge of Spain so close to Morocco that we hopped on a boat and got to take a day trip there as well. Spain is beautiful. I would go back there anytime, any place. I loved it and will never forget it!
A lot of army people do travel though (both with and without children) and whenever I hear about someone talking about some cool new place they saw or I see some beautiful pictures, I always reminisce about my own travels and am so grateful for all that I have been able to see...er, without children ;) Haha, just kidding kind of.
So, I thought since I never properly documented any European traveling that I did, I would share my Top 5 Places (in Europe only). I'll try to just post one or two pictures per place. I also have to tell you that some of these pictures are mine and some are not. I traveled with others and we all shared our pictures and I have no idea whose is whose. Hope my friends don't mind me posting! These are in no particular order.
Malaga, Spain
Now, I am sure Spain has lots of gorgeous cities. I have not traveled across Spain extensively so there very well might be much prettier cities that I have not seen. I mean, Madrid sounds pretty awesome to me, but I've never been there. Anyway, Malaga is on the very southern edge of Spain so close to Morocco that we hopped on a boat and got to take a day trip there as well. Spain is beautiful. I would go back there anytime, any place. I loved it and will never forget it!
This is actually a picture from Morocco. They had these pots all over the buildings and I thought they were the coolest things ever!
Wengen, Switzerland
Ok, I also haven't traveled across Switzerland extensively, but I have been to Salzburg and Zurich and Wengen kicks it butt. GORGEOUS. We were there at Christmas time so it was snow covered so that just made everything extra breath taking. I seriously could post 20 photos. But I won't. I know these pictures are probably my friend Brooks' but she won't mind :)
Look at all that SNOW! I don't even like snow, but I was awestruck. It felt like we were in a magical land (you know, like those wardrobe kids).
Krakow, Poland
I only have one picture to share with you from Krakow. It is of my friends. Honestly, it is an awesome city and truly one of my favorites. However, the reason I get all warm and fuzzy when I think about Krakow is because we spent cold rainy afternoons in this coffee shop (Tribeca) laughing and bonding and I will never, ever forget those wonderful moments in my life.
I only wish my husband was in this picture with me (I am third from the left if you can't tell!). He also spent many hours in this coffee shop, but I guess this day he was sight seeing or something :)
Prague, Czech Republic
Prague is kind of a must to be included, isn't it? If you have ever been there, you know what I mean. There is just isn't another city in the world that is quite as cool as Prague. From castles to bridges to shopping to eating, Prague is wonderful.
Had to include this one since it's me and the hubs before we were dating!! Just friends :)
Kosice, Slovakia
This city will absolute always make my awesome places list because I invested so much of my time there (2 years) and so much of my heart. I love this land and I love the Slovak people and I always will. If you ever go to Kosice, you must see the best of both worlds. You must walk around the city and you also must hike in the High Tatra Mountains. Both are amazing, but the mountains will literally take your breath away with their beauty.
I could probably find a better picture to show you the High Tatras, but I've been writing this post awhile and I've got to get something else done before the littles wake up!
Did you notice...only one picture of a huge Gothic Cathedral?? Ok, one and a half. I guess they just aren't my thing ;) Actually, they are quite beautiful, but I was trying to find more unique pictures.
Do you have any favorite cities you would recommend to me? I am open to US recommendations as well. People get so caught up in traveling outside the US, that they don't travel at home. And, the US is truly a place I should see more of sometime! :)
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