Wow.  Today was monster un-productive.  I think productivity will be something that I struggle with the rest of my life.  Every day if I don't fight it, I lose to it.  I have a newborn which requires me to be a bit productive, at least in areas concerning her.  As in, I feed her & change her & bathe her & cuddle her.  But when she is napping, I got nothing.  What did I do?  I watched Lost, read blogs, watched Lost, read part of "Graceling", watched Lost, ate lunch...ummm...watched Lost.  Yeah, my life is pathetic. 

I don't work, I only have 1 child who takes naps & I didn't even crack open my bible today...it's the least I could do.  I remember a couple of weeks ago when all Baby Girl did was cry & cry & cry & how I was so closer to the Lord because I was constantly feeling the need to lean on Him & I was praying for Him to make it better at 3AM.  And now today I didn't even open my Bible.  There is so much I need to be seeking Him about- Hubby's placement, making friends in this new town, Baby Girl's sleeping schedule, not to mention praying for others. I just need to be close to Him period. Ay-yie-yie.

So, yeah, productivity is the concept that I have to fight for daily, practically hourly.  I long to be like those people who rise @ 6AM, clean their kitchen, take a walk, & do whatever else those people do.  I rise at the last possible minute, am lucky if I get a shower in, open the door so the dog can go outside & sometimes don't even eat because it's too much work!  Not every day is like that, but every day easily could be if I didn't make a conscious decison for it to be different.

Ahhhh, tommorrow is another day with a clean slate & endless possibilites :)

The Abundant Life

So, I started a new bible study about the Holy Spirit.  I needed to have something to do every day! I'm not so good at "self-study" :) 

Anyway, the author told me to "talk with God today about your life.  Ask Him to give you real and abundant life".  Okay, I can talk to God about that. 

But, I have no idea what "abundant life" looks like in Oklahoma with a newborn, a dog, a cat, & a soldier.  What should I be striving for & if I don't know what to be striving for, how will I get there?  Does abundant life look like serving others or seriously studying God's word?  Or maybe it looks like being a supportive wife?  Or Mommy-extradinaire?  How do I KNOW what abundant life for me looks like? 

I tell God all the time that I want to live out my personal motto since becoming a mommy: "Don't just survive, but thrive".  But again, I don't know what thriving looks like.  Maybe it's not crying every day or laughing more or being organized & keeping my house clean?  Maybe it's having personal hobbies or making friends? 

So, I know there isn't a magical answer, but does anyone have insight on how to know when you have "arrived" at this elusive concept of an abundant life?  Or how to go about getting there?

Ch-Ch-Changes

Well, I got a baby now :)

She's pretty & she likes to cry a lot.  Well, maybe "like" isn't the correct word, but she does cry a lot.  She actually is NOT crying right now so I have a moment (but maybe just one) to play catch up. 

We moved-that was hard.  We had no furniture for about a week.  Not fun when you are breast feeding 8 times a day.  We still have about 20 boxes in the garage that remain unopened.  But we have the necesities so why bother since we will be moving again in 6 months?  Love that army. 

Hubby is leaving for 6 days on the field.  I get to be alone with no one for company (& no one to help) except a dog, a cat, & a newborn with colic.  Sounds like fun, huh?  But enough complaining!

I suppose God wants me to be alone.  Depend on Him, turn to Him...more like cling to Him with every breath I take!  In my head, I know it's a good place to be...utter dependance on God.  It's hard though.  It seems like this baby is attached to my hip & I guess that's how God wants me to be with Him.  The more He takes away, the more I need Him.  

On a more positive note, I LOVE not being pregnant anymore!!  It's the best ever!  My stomach is flat, my pains are gone, I get to button my pants, & NO heartburn!

We have also been blesssed with an amazing house & an amazing back deck & an amazing child.  I'm rich in love :) 

Productive Me

You may think that the title of this post is contradictory in nature if you know who the "me" is (it is me, after all).  However, Hubby has been gone for 5 days & as I have done NO-THING I want to & I will begin being productive.

(on a side note, Regis is on with his wife today because Kelly is gone & it is hilarious!  His wife should seriously be on everyday.  He is SO MUCH funnier with his wife than with Kelly.  They bicker & tease & are totally cracking me up!)

Ok, commercial break.  Back to productivity.  Here are a few of the things I will get done before I go into labor :)

1.) I will wash all of Baby Girl's clothes.  I am tempted just to wash the little ones, but with all this time on my hands, I think I might as well wash all of them.  Besides, once I open the Dreft, the movers won't move it, so I better use as much of it as I can.  I might wash my own clothes in it-is that bad?

2.) I will do a Bible Study scrapbook.  I have been talking about this since LAST summer & now I have 2 weeks to do it before it becomes a lost cause.  But if I work on it everyday, I can get it done.

(oh crap, now Jeff Goldblum is one.  I love that guy.  Back to you in a minute)

3.) OK, I will also write in Baby Girl's baby book.  There are lots of pages to fill out before she arrives & if I don't at least get a head start on it...yep, you guessed it...another lost cause.

OK, for me that is enough.  I am not one of those people that make more goals than I can keep because it motivates me.  Hubby is like that.  I do better with smaller, more attainable goals so that I don't get overwhelmed & give up. 

SO, here's to hoping!

Also,  today I have already done the dishes (because I hadn't done ANY since hubby left. Surprise, surprise) & I am getting ready to vacuum!

Smile!

I am doing pretty good today. I suppose that my emotional state will ebb & flow as long as I have all these pregnancy hormones swishing around inside of me!

I got through the first weekend without hubby without too much damage to my heart.

AND, hubby found a place for us to live! It is going to stretch our budget a bit, but not throw us into debt or anything...we are just going to get creative :)  It's a 3-BR house with a back yard in a good neighborhood, close to Walmart, and close to Mexican food.  Give me Walmart, give me Mexican & I'm pretty happy.  I can't wait to see it in person! Hubby has sent me pictures & I think it looks perfect for us & the babies!

AND, I have plans every single weekend till Baby Girl comes! Yay!

I hope hubby is doing ok without us.  At least by tomorrow, he will be out of the hotel.  Hopefully, time will go by fast for both of us.  I miss him so much!  I can picture him in the doorway or sitting on the couch with me.  Today I even pictured him at the Dr. with me!  I hope I don't sound too crazy...:)

So, SMILE because life is ok, but God is great!