cold showers, sad good-byes, & america

it's hot here. really hot-today it is 90 degrees i think. & unfortunately for slovaks (& me), the very spectacular invention of the air-conditioner has yet to reach slovakia. i know, i know- i rant & rave about the land of eternal snow & now that it's hot i'm griping about the heat . i'm only human & really, we are never satisfied are we? always wanting more & wanting what we do have to be better than it is. i admire people who are intrinsically content with their portion.

the one good thing about the blazing sun pouring itself into every room in my flat (how IS that possible?!) is that i get to take cold showers. does anything feel better than a cold shower when you are SO hot? maybe hot baths when you are SO cold. but, really the thought of a hot bath makes me feel kind of queasy.

today is our good-bye day. it has really been a good-bye month, but today it is good-bye for real & for some good-bye forever. we leave tomorrow morning to go to vienna for who knows why, but anyway we do. tonight we are having a good-bye party (way to ruin a "party" in about 2 seconds) at the huge ice-cream shop (Aida) that is just as much a part of košice as the monstrous cathedral in the middle of town. all the slovaks will come & hang out with the americans one last time. all the girls will cry & people will probably be hugging & holding hands a lot. this will happen for 2 hours! i have only had to say good-bye once to someone that i wasn't sure if i would see them again & i bawled like a baby. but i think this will be different. there will be so many people & i feel so numb about leaving. i keep wondering when i am going to get really sad. i think it will hit me in america sometime.

speaking of america, i am a little nervous to be coming back. i am nervous because i have changed so much, but not with the people there. i have grown & learned lessons & conquered fears. but i can't wait to see people that i love. i can't wait to see dena & fancy nancy & shell & daniel & my folks & my beautiful sister & my church again. i can't wait to see mararuth & sara bell & my animals! i can't wait to drive again & sit in my back yard. it will be good. i think i will sad but happy too. it's just life & it always moves forward & it always changes so you might as well just shake its hand & smile.

chillin' with ms. gretka & mr. sly :-)

here i sit with some of my most favorite slovaks on the entire planet eating sunflower seeds & listening to robbie williams because greta happens to LOVE her some robbie williams. today i saw their little baby pug named sara & i looked at lots of pictures from finland (& sly's finnish girlfriend-oooooh). i got 2 kisses from her mom & 10 kisses from greta & LOTS of kisses from sara. i have also eaten (ate??) more chocolate than i should have because greta thinks i need to beef up ;)
at one point this evening, greta showed me & sly just how much she loves Arash. all i can say is "ARASH!! UHHHHHH!!!!". (that is me making fun of greta).
greta would like to say "i dont know!!! heeheehhee" & "shut up meg!" ok, seriously, she won't stop giggling enough to say an intelligent comment. i would get silvestOR to say something, but he is preparing the grill so we can eat more food! every time i visit the Cernotovci home, i leave with an extra pound or 2 because they love to feed me!
~anyway, we just wanted to share our evening~

such beeeeeautiful people...

confusion

i don't understand confusion (smile). the webster definition is "to make mentally unclear or uncertain; to disturb the composure of; to mix up: jumble". but where does it come from? why are things so unclear sometimes? isn't there just a right & a wrong? why is it so hard sometimes to know what is the right & what is the wrong?
wikipedia tells me that confusion "interferes with ones ability to make decisions clearly and correctly" & "although it is not an actual cure, time, a walk in the park, or meditation can alleviate the symptoms of confusion". so maybe that's my answer. i am trying to figure out if confusion is biblical or not. i have heard that it is not, but i'm not sure i have any verses to support that thesis. so if any of you have any doctrinal theories on confusion, i would love to hear them :-)
what, you may be asking am i so confused about?...well, i'll leave
that unknown for you to play with ;-)
hearing theories on that might be fun too...
here is my confused face:

meg vs. the volcano

it is so amazing how god is so personal with every single human being on the planet. i was reading about this volcano (mount merapi) in indonesia & this woman said "merapi appears angry". i don't know the exact context of her comment nor what she was implying by it, but it made me think of people who see creation as some sort of god or something that they can appease. & of course volcanologists will tell you all the complexities that go into a volocanic eruption-the gas & the heat & the craters or whatever else there is to know. some people would contribute the eruption to no less than the very hand of god. none of us can know why the volcano erupted & none of us can prove our theories, but then there is god. god who knows every single indonesian fleeing from the anger of mount merapi. & what is even more spectacular is that he has a specific plan for every single life. i absolutely cannnot fathom this. i think "i know god". i think "god knows me & loves me so much". of course those thoughts are true, but i tend to put god in this meg-box where he is consumed with pursuing me or blessing me or teaching me, not all those indonesians & not even those people who live down the block from me. god is not just amazing & lovely to me, but to so many people! god is just as close (& defninitely a lot closer in many cases) to thousands or millions of other people & when god says he loves everyone, he means it. he loves people with a raging love & i don't even know they exist. he does SO MUCH outside of what he does in & through me. it is not god who is consumed with my life, but me! god is consumed with mankind, not meg! & yet, he does love me with a raging love. he does pursue me every minute of every day. he does think of me often & rejoice with me & mourn with me & cry with me & laugh with me. god is beyond comprehension, don't ya think?

My Abby

THIS is my sweet Abby. She died Friday night while everyone was sleeping. Mama came downstairs & found the old Abby again-before she got sick, before she couldn't breathe well, before she couldn't walk. She looked so peaceful that it had to be death. Abby was such a SWEET creature. She is like one of those people who love everyone they meet which makes you love them but then you realize that although they love everyone, they love you more & it makes you feel so blessed. I know some of y'all think that I am a hopeless sap who gets too attached to inferior creatures...but really, shame on you for not loving animals. Abby did know how to love. Whatever you think love is-whether it's words or gifts or sex or marriage or sacrifice, whatever LOVE is, Abby possesed it. I wish you all could have met her. Buzzie buried her under our willow tree. I know that the things we love don't last forever but I do wish I could have told her good-bye. I wish I could have laid down beside her one last time on our dirty wood floor & just hugged her. She was by no means a smart girl or a beautiful girl, but she was mine & I miss her.