Bible Geek

I would like to become a Bible Geek. Tis true. I want to start a Bible Geek Club & have Bible Geek friends. I want to get together with these Bible Geek friends & talk about whatever book of the Bible we want to & talk about different theories & commentaries & what words mean & what it means for our lives presently. I don't want to take the Bible away from my heart & put it only in my brain or anything, I just want to study it more & be a geek about it. You know, like POUR over it & ABSORB it. My Bible reading is mostly very surface-y (hey-it's cool to make up words) & I'm tired of it! So my first step in this process is deciding to become a Bible Geek: check. Not sure what the next step is...maybe enlisting another person who would like to become a Bible Geek with me. Hmmm, this may be harder than I thought.

quite a memorable turkey day :)

big family? noooo. a day of cooking? noooo. a table full of food? noooo. leftovers? noooo.
this year, for the first time ever, i ate my thanksgiving meal in a restaurant! my sweet parents came up to hton (does anyone actually know i live here?? because everytime i talk to a friend not from here, they say "where do you live again?"). well, they came up & brought me tons of goodies & tons of food. it felt like a mini-christmas :) sweet people. then, we went to cracker barrel & had a perfect plateful of food. no stomach aches or unbuttoning my pants this year. it was quite enjoyable. i wasn't too excited about it at first because i didn't think it was thanksgiving-ish, but i found out that LOTS of people go to cracker barrel on turkey day! it was packed, so then i felt better :) i'm weird, i know. then i took them to the hospital so they could see where i work. after that we ran around & spent a little more money & ended up at the boyfriend's for a christmas movie & sweet potatoe pie (that i did not make!). we watched "christmas with the cranks". it is a really good movie if anyone likes christmas movies. then we stayed up late last night & now we are getting ready to make a big breakfast before they head back to k-town. i am glad they could come & spend this holiday with me. that's what matters :)

things are supposed to be ok

it's true. things are supposed to be ok. i am supposed to be happy & content & life is supposed to be stable by now. i have an apartment & a cat for goodness' sake! i work at a respectable place of employment with great benefits & pretty good pay. i have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me & cares so much about my wellfare. so what is wrong? why aren't things ok? why do i still miss slovakia & my life there so much? why can i cry at any given moment if i dwell on it for just a minute too long? why am i still dealing with daily sadness & grieving over my losses? it's been 4 months! i am moving on with my life, but my heart is stuck. not every day do i feel the burderns of life outside of slovakia, but it's an overall issue. i long to be happy in hton. it is my heart's desire that i be content with the portion the lord has given me. but for some reason, i'm not. & i don't even want to get into what my life with God is like. it's hot & cold & luke-warm & up & down. i demand intimacy & then i ignore him. it's like nothing i have ever experienced since i have become his child. i have had rebellious streaks, sure, but this is a prolonged complacency that is weighing me down in every area of my life. i keep thinking "life will be better when...". life will be better when i have my own apartment. life will be better when my cat comes to live with me. life will be better when i don't have to wait tables anymore. life will be better when i have a real job with a real paycheck. been there, done that & i still don't feel ok! so like my sweet lisa said in her blog (http://lnkauffman.blogspot.com/) it just helps to get this junk out of me & into words. so that's what i did.

gotta wear shades

wow. has it really been months since i wrote on here!? seriously slacking. i have been experiencing one of my most fried times ever. i say fried not to refer to drug use but emotional, mental, & spiritual exhaustion. the good news is is that i am on the down slope (or is it up slope? what i mean is it's getting better).
i also have not had internet so that makes updating blogs somewhat difficult :)
gosh, i'm not even sure what to write about.
today, let me tell you about my day today. weeellll, i woke up early this morning to meet the cable guy & cook breakfast for my new (well, not so new anymore) beau because my mother watches too much CSI & was afraid that the cable guy would hurt me. then i had a lovely caramel latte with dear karole. after that, i talked to andrea & lisa online which made me miss slovakia so much i cried (but just a little bit...which these days "just a little bit" is quite an improvement). then i went to the dreaded logan's roadhouse to wait tables. lucky for me, it was the easiest friday night i have ever worked & i made the most money i have ever made on a friday (how is that possible??). now i am sitting on my blue couch starving (but also too lazy to make anything to eat) & my feet hurt. so, THAT is what i did today.
today was a good day.
but i'm telling you what, my future is bright! i just got not one, but two new jobs, i only have a few more shifts left at logans, i have an amazing boyfriend who also happens to be one of my best friends, i have internet in my apartment, my baby cat lives with me now, & it's the very beginning of the magical holiday season! (& no, i dont care if you call me a sap :p)
a picture? well...i suppose if you insist...

WEST VIRGINIA & KENTUCKY

west virginia: wild, wonderful...kind of like the people that live here ;-)

well, the very best places to visit in west virginia are taylor books, ritter park, top spot (laundry mat/diner:) i am serious), & the hayes palace.
the very best things to do in west virginia are riding a 4-wheeler, seeing old friends & making new ones, eating delicious pancakes made by a pro ;), & ordering pizza that only girls will eat.
& the very best compliment to receive in west virginia is "i like your teeth"-(really!!)

i can't wait till i can return!


so now i am technically cheating, but i had to squish west virginia with kentucky because i am such a busy(& lazy) girl!
kentucky was awesome. i saw my old friend fancy & met her roommate & new beau. we went & saw lady in the water & ate indian food which made me think of my old roommate poonam :)
i created some memories & caught up with one of the most important people in my life (albeit different ;) if you know me & you know fancy, you know what i mean).

anyway, fun fun fun. i should be returning to kentucky again hopefully before 2006 runs out!

PENNSYLVANIA

pittsburgh is like another planet. my dad grew up in a little tiny town outside of pittsburgh. they say things like "mummy" instead of "mommy" & "unge" instead of "orange". they call bologna sandwiches jumbo sandwiches & drink beer called "iron city" or "stoney's" (sugar free/salt free brew!!).
my family here is so genuinely kind. they just open up their home & feed us & hang out with us & just love us. i have 2 little girl cousins here that are albino blond! so cute. maddison (2 years old) laughs hysterically everytime she lets go of her purple balloon & i grab it before it hits the ceiling. which of course sends me into giggles & the cycle never stops.
my dad acts like he doesn't like this place or he doesn't like coming back here, but he SO does. today we went & saw his old house & his old high-school. he only talks about his life here when we are actually here. i dont know why.
we arrived here by way of route 66 :) i am getting tired of traveling though! just a couple more days before i am back in beautifully sweet tennessee :)

VERMONT

due to lack of creativity & lack of time, descriptions of my travels will be limited. vermont gets a top 5 list because i happen to love top 5 lists. (top 10 lists are better, but family reunions only have so much to offer)...kidding, of course ;-)

my TOP 5 memories from norwich, vermont:
5.) being called babe & darling & sweetie & honey
4.) eating fresh & delicious blueberries while chatting with all my long lost family that i never get to see!! they are crazy funny
3.) watching a video from the 1990 reunion at my old house in phoenix-imagine about 20 of us cracking up over the way we used to look-it was so fun
2.) sitting on a huge front porch with a beautiful view of the river
1.) my number 1 memory is definitely watching my 76-year-old uncle try to waterski :) haha, oh the images

shame on me

really! it is has been so long since i have written anything.
actually, i have been in complete anti-productive mode as of late. i really do nothing even worth mentioning. but what the hey-i'll mention it anyway.
i gets lots of sleep. too much really so i stay tired all the time.
i have watched 2 seasons of felicity, but am now fasting from the tv for 4 days-we'll see how that one works out ;-)
i started a puzzle & that has brought more reward than i anticipated.
i am reading 2 books: "Ethan Frome" by Edith Wharton & "When Godly People do Ungodly Things" by Beth Moore. both are very good.
my father just finished a book called "Freakonomics" by Steven D. Levitt. yes, it is about economics, but highly entertaining & i would recommend it to most anyone.
i got glasses (i know! can you even imagine?)
i am working on my resume (gag) & looking for a place to live.
well, that is seriously all i have to say.
this is no lie, this is my life.

cold showers, sad good-byes, & america

it's hot here. really hot-today it is 90 degrees i think. & unfortunately for slovaks (& me), the very spectacular invention of the air-conditioner has yet to reach slovakia. i know, i know- i rant & rave about the land of eternal snow & now that it's hot i'm griping about the heat . i'm only human & really, we are never satisfied are we? always wanting more & wanting what we do have to be better than it is. i admire people who are intrinsically content with their portion.

the one good thing about the blazing sun pouring itself into every room in my flat (how IS that possible?!) is that i get to take cold showers. does anything feel better than a cold shower when you are SO hot? maybe hot baths when you are SO cold. but, really the thought of a hot bath makes me feel kind of queasy.

today is our good-bye day. it has really been a good-bye month, but today it is good-bye for real & for some good-bye forever. we leave tomorrow morning to go to vienna for who knows why, but anyway we do. tonight we are having a good-bye party (way to ruin a "party" in about 2 seconds) at the huge ice-cream shop (Aida) that is just as much a part of košice as the monstrous cathedral in the middle of town. all the slovaks will come & hang out with the americans one last time. all the girls will cry & people will probably be hugging & holding hands a lot. this will happen for 2 hours! i have only had to say good-bye once to someone that i wasn't sure if i would see them again & i bawled like a baby. but i think this will be different. there will be so many people & i feel so numb about leaving. i keep wondering when i am going to get really sad. i think it will hit me in america sometime.

speaking of america, i am a little nervous to be coming back. i am nervous because i have changed so much, but not with the people there. i have grown & learned lessons & conquered fears. but i can't wait to see people that i love. i can't wait to see dena & fancy nancy & shell & daniel & my folks & my beautiful sister & my church again. i can't wait to see mararuth & sara bell & my animals! i can't wait to drive again & sit in my back yard. it will be good. i think i will sad but happy too. it's just life & it always moves forward & it always changes so you might as well just shake its hand & smile.

chillin' with ms. gretka & mr. sly :-)

here i sit with some of my most favorite slovaks on the entire planet eating sunflower seeds & listening to robbie williams because greta happens to LOVE her some robbie williams. today i saw their little baby pug named sara & i looked at lots of pictures from finland (& sly's finnish girlfriend-oooooh). i got 2 kisses from her mom & 10 kisses from greta & LOTS of kisses from sara. i have also eaten (ate??) more chocolate than i should have because greta thinks i need to beef up ;)
at one point this evening, greta showed me & sly just how much she loves Arash. all i can say is "ARASH!! UHHHHHH!!!!". (that is me making fun of greta).
greta would like to say "i dont know!!! heeheehhee" & "shut up meg!" ok, seriously, she won't stop giggling enough to say an intelligent comment. i would get silvestOR to say something, but he is preparing the grill so we can eat more food! every time i visit the Cernotovci home, i leave with an extra pound or 2 because they love to feed me!
~anyway, we just wanted to share our evening~

such beeeeeautiful people...

confusion

i don't understand confusion (smile). the webster definition is "to make mentally unclear or uncertain; to disturb the composure of; to mix up: jumble". but where does it come from? why are things so unclear sometimes? isn't there just a right & a wrong? why is it so hard sometimes to know what is the right & what is the wrong?
wikipedia tells me that confusion "interferes with ones ability to make decisions clearly and correctly" & "although it is not an actual cure, time, a walk in the park, or meditation can alleviate the symptoms of confusion". so maybe that's my answer. i am trying to figure out if confusion is biblical or not. i have heard that it is not, but i'm not sure i have any verses to support that thesis. so if any of you have any doctrinal theories on confusion, i would love to hear them :-)
what, you may be asking am i so confused about?...well, i'll leave
that unknown for you to play with ;-)
hearing theories on that might be fun too...
here is my confused face:

meg vs. the volcano

it is so amazing how god is so personal with every single human being on the planet. i was reading about this volcano (mount merapi) in indonesia & this woman said "merapi appears angry". i don't know the exact context of her comment nor what she was implying by it, but it made me think of people who see creation as some sort of god or something that they can appease. & of course volcanologists will tell you all the complexities that go into a volocanic eruption-the gas & the heat & the craters or whatever else there is to know. some people would contribute the eruption to no less than the very hand of god. none of us can know why the volcano erupted & none of us can prove our theories, but then there is god. god who knows every single indonesian fleeing from the anger of mount merapi. & what is even more spectacular is that he has a specific plan for every single life. i absolutely cannnot fathom this. i think "i know god". i think "god knows me & loves me so much". of course those thoughts are true, but i tend to put god in this meg-box where he is consumed with pursuing me or blessing me or teaching me, not all those indonesians & not even those people who live down the block from me. god is not just amazing & lovely to me, but to so many people! god is just as close (& defninitely a lot closer in many cases) to thousands or millions of other people & when god says he loves everyone, he means it. he loves people with a raging love & i don't even know they exist. he does SO MUCH outside of what he does in & through me. it is not god who is consumed with my life, but me! god is consumed with mankind, not meg! & yet, he does love me with a raging love. he does pursue me every minute of every day. he does think of me often & rejoice with me & mourn with me & cry with me & laugh with me. god is beyond comprehension, don't ya think?

My Abby

THIS is my sweet Abby. She died Friday night while everyone was sleeping. Mama came downstairs & found the old Abby again-before she got sick, before she couldn't breathe well, before she couldn't walk. She looked so peaceful that it had to be death. Abby was such a SWEET creature. She is like one of those people who love everyone they meet which makes you love them but then you realize that although they love everyone, they love you more & it makes you feel so blessed. I know some of y'all think that I am a hopeless sap who gets too attached to inferior creatures...but really, shame on you for not loving animals. Abby did know how to love. Whatever you think love is-whether it's words or gifts or sex or marriage or sacrifice, whatever LOVE is, Abby possesed it. I wish you all could have met her. Buzzie buried her under our willow tree. I know that the things we love don't last forever but I do wish I could have told her good-bye. I wish I could have laid down beside her one last time on our dirty wood floor & just hugged her. She was by no means a smart girl or a beautiful girl, but she was mine & I miss her.

pictures

Meg, Adriana, Ivana, Lisa, Jana, Morgan
(On bottom: Janka & Bethany)

















Gabi & Stace



Milking a cow in Salzburg with Courtney

















Veronika & Dara with mom & dad :-)




































May I present...Princess Andrea




















Silly, silly girls



In beautiful Spain with beautiful Amber



sorry Dara!
I couldn't resist ;-)

MODG-PODG

recent thoughts, journal entries, whatnot...

weird weird night. ok, not so weird as something else, but not sure what...i hold my heart in my balled up fist & then set it down with my keys... there will always be something luring my heart into pain...sometimes i love my life. i love candles. i love the way they flicker & shine. i love coffee first thing in the morning. i love cats. i know it is so not cool to love cats, but i love cats. & i think people singing to god is the most beautiful sound ever. i love calendars in january when the year is brand new & anything could happen. i love new books & i love old books. i love the way it feels to hold a pen & write out your soul. i love kind people. i love unselfishness. & i love yellow flowers...why do i write? i write because what is inside threatens to take over. i write because i do not understand nor comprehend what goes on inside my heart...feel acutely bad. it's one of those bads where it's in your face, every corner you turn, every word you say. it's a heavy covering on your heart or your mind & it wont go away...i want your intimacy. i will pound on the doors of heaven to get it & i will not give up until i do...what is it that causes lonliness? i believe it might be separation from god. lack of jesus in my very soul where my heart is most alive...i hate my flesh & my sin. i breed it & it swells & seeps out of my pores & then i wipe it on people & then we are both stained with my sin...my love, think of me & remember what we are... thank you jesus for making me beautiful to the one who matters...lord, you are something else entirely...i am eternally intertwined with my maker & i am eternally his.

oh, rain!

yes, it's raining in my home. it's raining where i work & it's raining where i play. košice-the city of eternal snow & now eternal rain. i actually love the rain most of the time, but maybe i am getting a little tiny bit tired of it. the sun would be most welcomed by most creatures. it was sunny for a moment, but then came the rain. there are worms on the street (ew) & ants in the bathroom (they are actually kind of cute).

rain reflections:
oh, sweet spring rain, bringing life to the nature
landing on leaves & everything else there ever was
making my curls unable to control themselves &
making my teammates a little ornary ;-)
but, rain, you are good
what would life be without rain??
you bring life
you bring restoration
you make dry things not dry
& dead things not dead
i cannot help myself-i love you rain!
i will always be your biggest fan
:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Queen...for a day

i know you are so excited to find out about how the rest of my bowling extravaganza went, so here goes. on the way to my second bowling engagement, i got some pointers from my bowling friends, jeremy & karole, the main point being "it's all in your head". so we got to the bowling alley & i strapped on my bowling shoes & actually bowled a 166!! definitely the best score of all time for me. i have proof-in this picture i am 'she-ra'. (chris h. is 'darth vadar', joe is 'wild bill', & brooks is 'mystique'). if you will notice frames 2, 3, & 4 you will observe that i have 3 strikes in a row which i found out is called a turkey. lovin' it.
so i thought i was the stuff for an entire day. then i went bowling on saturday to celebrate my friend marty's 30th birthday where i discovered that i was awful again!! i think i scored a 50 or something.
lucky for me, i truly do go for the nachos & shoes, so i have good memories of all my bowling affairs :-)


the true enjoyment of bowling

are you BOWLING my dear?!

yes, this is the very question that i asked myself this week. let me just state for the record that i am most emphatically not into bowling. i go strictly for the nachos & the cool shoes you get to wear. however, this week i have the opportunity to go bowling not once, not twice, but three times!! so, at first i was thinking "man, why bowling?!" but then i realized that this could be my chance to perfect my bowling skillz & to impress those around me. so i'm gonna give it all i got. tonight was the first attempt at proving to myself (& others) that i could indeed get some pins down if i wanted it bad enough...& i did get some down...at least a few...once or twice...i really do not understand how slovak girls who have never bowled in their entire lives can get pins down every turn!! it's one of those inexplainable absurdities that you come across when you live in Slovakia.
but fear not, i have not given up! friday & saturday are new days that bring new opportunites to rock the house.
in the meantime, check out my bowling pics from night #1 & stay tuned for more...




me, big country, & dara armed for battle

these indeed are the "non-bowlers" who whipped my tail over & over & over...



Zuzka, Zuzka, & Lucia




some of the guys that came seemed more interested in the beer than the bowl

hmmmm...can't say i blame 'em ;-)

Holy Sonnet XIV

Batter my heart, three-person'd God; for you
As yet but knock; breathe, shine, & seek to mend;
That I may rise, & stand, o'erthrow me, & bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn, & make me new.
I, like an usurp'd town, to another due,
Labour to admit you, but O, to no end.
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captived, & proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, & would be loved fain,
But am betroth'd unto your enemy.
Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.
(Holy Sonnet XIV by John Donne)


let your mind wander & read this sonnet over & over again. i think it is amazing.
i was battling with god this morning & was telling him to break my chains & i remembered this sonnet from school so i looked it up. & man, i absolutely love it. the power of god's force hitting your life is wordless. "Yet dearly I love you, & would be loved fain, But am betroth'd unto your enemy" -i mean, do we live like this or what? i do. but that is not who i really am. i am an oak of righteousness displaying god's splendor. but i fight this so often. so often i believe that i am held captive by the enemy so i live like that. but that's not true!! the enemy is not stronger than my god & my god is on my side & has given me freedom & has given me beauty so i am not bound.
I think my favorite lines are the last 2: "I, Except you enthrall me, never shall be free, Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me. " i think that it is similar to dying to self, but it is more striking. it's a wild concept, but that's god for ya.
so think about this sonnet & have a glorious day :-)

why i am asking myself

well, the thing is that i don't really get into these things, but now that i have one i must confess that i am a bit excited. i have high hopes for these ramblings. my friend emily was my inspiration.
today is saturday & i am sitting around with my roommates bored. we are watching american idol tapes (thanks lynn!). a day with no obligations just feels weird. but it's good...we are bonding in our boredness together. boredness is not really worthy of complaints anyway because i could actually do something if i wanted to...
i did mail my sister's birthday package today so it hasn't been a totally unproductive day...she is turning 30! my little (albeit older) sister is 30-crazyness. i wish i could be with her, but i told her that we could party together when i turn 30 in 5 years :-)
the sun is so pretty today-it 's like an old friend just showed up & knocked on my door to my great delight. & due to the free hours this afternoon brought, i was able to lay on my comfy couch & read Emma for several hours. so, life is good. it's better than good-it's beautiful!